The rollercoaster ride took off at five in the morning. I was thankful Owen slept all night. The days ahead are going to be complex for him, summer always is. I have to remember that some days it’s my emotions that control me from moving forward or letting a situation change our goals. His answer is always “no” but it also has to do with keeping him at a level of comfort that allows him to be able to process doing an activity. My expectations of adventures I want for him are not necessarily something he wants or can handle. When seeing his world in not blue pants is crushing to him it changes where I can take him and who he can see if they aren’t in blue pants. It’s hard for me to understand all his rules and the stress it puts on him. And it’s hard for me to know when to push him or to let him know that it will be fine. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. And I don’t always understand how to process what is best for us both. I breathe. Sometimes “this too shall pass” sounds hard when I know a behavior will only cycle back on top of the very complex pyramid of thoughts my son goes through in a ten second span, like yelling out “grapes” randomly when we are talking about planets. He is brilliant and I try to keep up with his thoughts and actions but they don’t always mean the same thing to him as they do to me. On our way to church, I asked him if he knew why we went to church. He said, “God loves us.” I always like to talk to him about why we do things hoping that helps the process. I think he understood why we go to church. He did great while we were there and he wanted his ten chicken nuggets and cheeseburger on the way home. He ate every bit of it. The day went quickly. We played some games, ate a lot more throughout the day, and we talked about the next few days. He also did much better with the bathroom, even flushing the toilet multiple times on his own. He brought me the curtain and rod he knocked down that we have hanging up in the hallway because he can’t handle all the doors and lights so it is used to block the hall but he didn’t scream that he knocked it down or it was down. The day felt like progress and for that I was happy. I have to remember that he will have bad days, I have many bad days, but we both need patience and kindness with each other. I remind him we are a team and have to work together. I’m thankful for a good day. I’m thankful that I was reminded that in moments of growth sometimes the road is not always straight but with many twists and turns. Be kind to your own heart, share your story, and be the change you want to see in the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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