A calmer morning was exactly what we had. Owen got into bed with me but quickly fell back asleep and woke up in a great Thursday mood. He knew he was going to therapy today and that always makes him happy. When we were waiting for the bus he told me that yaks and buffaloes were related and they carry things. His mind is amazing. He doesn’t forget a thing. Before we went to wait for the bus he was listening to facts about the planets. He watches a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode and he says a quote about the stars and the moon twinkling bright. As soon as he saw the moon and stars he started repeating the episode. There is so much information in that brain of his. When I picked him up to go to therapy his teacher told me she was impressed that he said “vole” for an animal that started with V and then he told her it was like a rat. I told her he has been preparing for this moment since he was two. He loves watching videos that name objects and animals that start with the letters of the alphabet. He was extremely happy his therapist was back from “eternity leave.” He wasn’t happy that she didn’t have blue pants on but he did say “blue elephant eats peanuts with Goofy” when he saw her. They said he had a great day and was making progress. When we left there we went to ride the tractors. He saw one of their golf carts and he wanted to drive it to the bridge flags. Then he saw a huge tractor on the back of a semi drive by on the road near the store and he was trying to unbuckle the seatbelt by himself to get to it. He told me he wanted to “drive that one” to the bridge flags. I told him I didn’t think he could catch up with it. He cracks me up with all these stories. He wanted to give me a hug and then he rubbed my cheeks. He started playing with my hair and said, “cute little fella” which I think he got from one of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes. When we got home he asked YouTube for “children’s favorite animals.” I think he is preparing for next week when his teacher asks for the animal of the day. He told me that he wasn’t going to school tomorrow because nobody would be there. I’m thankful his teacher’s words are clicking with him. He told me he wanted to go to “breakfast with grandma” and the park with his friends but then he told me “be home with mommy” so I will see how the morning goes. It’s supposed to rain so I’m not sure that we will get to go to the park but we will see. I’m so very thankful for Owen’s words. They sit in my heart singing a melody to my soul. Always remember the littlest of moments can be the biggest of victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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Blood work, Owen has to have blood work and that’s all I can overthink right now. Tears have been floating in my eyes since I heard the words. All routine tests but still has to be done. I remember having to do blood work as a child and there was nothing fun about it. And I remember the last time he had it done, well, I should say the last time they tried to do it. Moving forward that’s what I have to do. He came to my bed right before it was time to get up or maybe it was the old time to get up. Time changes are hard. He definitely woke up on the cranky side of the bed for the second go around. I got up to go to the bathroom and get my coffee. As soon as I turned on the light switch he turned on the screams. You would think I would be used to this by now but I’m not. He came bolting around the corner and flipped the switch off. I hugged him as he tried to get past me to get his tablet. I told him good morning and that he needed to go to the bathroom first. I got my coffee and before I could walk five steps he got his tablet, turned off the light, ran past me, and was back in my bed. I’m not sure when my bed became the go-to morning place but here we are. Once he settled he was all smiles and cuddles, laughing as he watched Megamort and the carrot zeppelin break free in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode. We got dressed and went outside to wait for the bus. I’m back to trying to redirect him from the blue pants. I want him to find ways to associate the blue pants to other objects or thoughts. At this point anything to get him to understand that it is something we have to move forward on. He likes me to also wear my pink shoes but this is getting like the blue pants. I told him instead of thinking about my shoes think about pink cotton candy. I asked him to name a blue animal and without hesitation, he said, “blue elephant eats peanuts with Goofy.” I told him every time he thinks about blue pants to instead think about the blue elephant. I’m not sure how this will go over but we will try it. I’m hoping that the visual processing training will help with this redirection as well. His teacher sent me another message telling me how amazing he is doing and coming up with words for their daily letters they are working on. I’m thankful for a teacher that fully believes in my son. When he came home from school I asked him if he wanted to go anywhere. He chimes in with all the usual places but he didn’t want to go anywhere. The more I suggested the more he became on edge. I have to keep him focused and calm so that it isn’t meltdowns all night. As it was the sign I put on the bathroom door was a distant memory. How it worked yesterday was quite the opposite of how it worked today. I tried not to think about it. He remained pretty calm for most of the evening. I tried not to rock the boat and he was excited tomorrow is therapy day. I didn’t tell him that one of his therapists is coming back from “eternity leave” because I wanted to make sure that it all went according to plan first. He sang with me tonight but he didn’t want to play any of the games I suggested and as busy as this week has been for us I was all about the calm night. He fell asleep talking about his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse friends and I think he was tired so maybe he will sleep all night. I’m thankful for his smile and his words. Set your goals in motion and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I’m thankful Owen slept all night. We had several busy days and it seems we have many more ahead. Thankfully we slept all night. I woke at four but went back to sleep. The time change always confuses me. I never know if I should be exhausted or just tired. When Owen woke he came and got into bed with me and we slept a little more. He wanted his tablet right away but I reminded him to go to the bathroom first. He didn’t have school today and his eye appointment wasn’t until later in the day so we didn’t have to rush to do anything. Yesterday I put a sign on our bathroom door that said, “no tablet in bathroom.” This has been a problem for a while for numerous reasons. When he washes his hands if his tablet gets wet then he screams. The sign helped, it actually helped. I couldn’t believe it. He didn’t go into the bathroom with it. Didn’t keep him from camping in the bathroom but at least it kept a little more peace for him. When we went to North Carolina over the summer Owen saw my brother’s vacuum and has talked about it since then. When my mom went back she brought home the vacuum for him. He now has “uncle wichard’s vacuum” in our living room and he is so happy. Grief is a beast. I’m so glad that his vacuum makes Owen happy but it’s emotional. I’m thankful for the stories that people are still sharing with me of the giving man my brother was. I have to remember to walk in his footsteps and not his shadow. As I think about so many memories I remind myself of the victories Owen has been having. He put my shoes on and walked around the house. They are his favorite shoes of mine. He had them on the opposite feet but he was so proud of himself. It made my day to see my son being a kid. These are the moments that touch my soul. We got ready for his appointment with the eye specialist. He kept looking at my legs and wouldn’t stop. The blue pants thing is in full action. I pray that we can move forward from this. When we went to the appointment he did better this time because the doctor was wearing blue pants and he could focus more but he was also distracted by wanting to watch their tv in the lobby. They asked if we wanted to watch tv while we waited. He told them, Disney Junior. I didn’t think how much of a distraction it would be to him. He couldn’t stop thinking about it once we got back to the room but at least he was able to do the test and we are going to start the visual processing training next week. I’m looking forward to seeing how this helps him learn and hopefully it will help us redirect his need for everyone to be in blue pants. After we left the office he wanted to go to the park. I took him to one we hadn’t been to in a while. He had fun playing on the equipment and then he laid down on the wood chips and was making wood chip angels, talking about snowballs and wanting to see Megamort and the carrot zeppelin like from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The night went fast. He wanted chocolate milk but they were out when I tried to get it the other day so all we had was “manilla milk” and no “sauce” for it. He wants me to make chocolate milk by adding chocolate syrup when we only have vanilla milk so he poured the first cup into the sink. Chocolate milk is about the only sweet thing he has so hopefully the store will have more tomorrow or at least I can get some “sauce” if they don’t. He fell asleep laughing about Salty the Seal in our tub and he was happy because he gets to go to school tomorrow. Full day but a joyful day. Rejoice even in the days that feel hard and let your voice sing the praises that can be heard on the mountaintops. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I feel somewhat accomplished on the smallest possible scale. If you get one thing done on the never-ending checklists of things on your ever-growing checklists I believe you should feel accomplished. Appointment after appointment after appointment and then add in more phone calls to get the scheduled appointments is all part of my days now. Today we had to schedule a random well-check appointment for referrals to make other appointments and discuss additional treatment options and supplements. Then we had his dentist appointment already scheduled for after that and tomorrow is his visual processing training appointment that was scheduled today but had to be changed to tomorrow because of the conflicts with today’s schedule. All the days are blending. Plus tomorrow and Friday Owen has the days off from school. The rollercoaster keeps on going on. When I picked him up from school it was a little hard on him because he knew he was going to the dentist so he thought he was riding the bus home. Since the other appointment was made today I didn’t have time to prepare him. He was excited though because he was going to see his doctor. On the way there he said, “no school tomorrow nobody be here” saying words similar to what his teacher said to him as we were leaving, reminding him nobody would be at school. When we parked at the doctor’s office he wanted to get out but we wait in the car for our appointment. He said, “turn key off” which I thought was amazing progress. I told him she might not be in blue pants but thankfully she did. After we left there we came home for a few minutes so he could have a snack and then we went to his dentist appointment. I knew for sure his dentist would not be in blue pants. I prepared him for this for days. I told him if he kept talking about it we would not go to grandma’s house for pizza. Thankfully that appointment went well too. He talked to a lady and her son in the waiting you about them not wearing pants but he was polite and they both understood. He did fantastic at the dentist's. He spent a few minutes focused on the blue pants but he was able to move forward. He did incredible with all the steps the dentist did and all his teeth looked great. He has another tooth very loose so he will be able to have the tooth fairy come again soon and this made me happy. We ate pizza at grandma’s house and then we came home. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep tonight. It has been a very full day and I don’t think it will take me long to fall asleep either. With all the twists and turns he had an incredible day. Remember the littlest of victories can be the biggest accomplishments. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I asked Owen what his favorite cereal is and he said, “yellow.” I don’t know what his favorite cereal is and I don’t even know if he has one or if he knows what favorite means. He likes Chex and Cheerios but maybe there is something else he likes better. He also associates certain locations with certain foods as well. Depending on where he is will determine the foods he asks for or will eat. I push forward in these moments. When he was little I would ask him what his favorite color was, telling him mine were pink, orange, and purple. I would then tell him it was ok if he didn’t have a favorite color and that he might have a favorite texture or pattern. He was still very young and we would walk by our post office. He would reach out his hand to touch the bricks. He loved the feel of them. I wish I knew then what I know now. We talked a lot this morning. He had gotten into bed with me once again before I was really even asleep. Thankfully we slept the way we tend to sleep. I think we both woke in a pretty good mood but maybe I was a little crankier. He keeps asking for a bicycle and can’t wait to get it. He was riding his scooter through the house and he was actually pushing it with one foot. I was very excited to see this. We talked about what was happening tomorrow and he was happy. He said he was going to school, then to the dentist, next to grandma’s house, and then “mommy goes bye bye for pizza,” and he “eats pizza not fish not chicken.” I’m not sure how we feel about the time change yet. It always seems to throw us off and takes a while to get in the groove of it all especially since he almost senses what time it is without reading a clock. He was ready to go to church and he wanted to go back to church to have his friend walk around with him again in the little red wagon. I told him that they weren’t having the Halloween party today but maybe we could do something else. Church was a rollercoaster for him because there were too many people not wearing blue pants. It was raining after church so the tractor got wet. When we got out to see them he couldn’t handle that they were wet and I got raindrops on my blue pants. I quickly got him back to the car before he had a huge meltdown. We went and got his lunch and came home. I’m glad we are going to the dentist tomorrow. He has been telling me his tooth was loose for a while but today was the day. He came running to me and started yelling about his tooth under the pillow. I followed him and he was running back to his Spider-Man pillow. He was so animated and thrilled. He started talking and I started writing. I wanted all the words. Every single one of them. “Tooth is loose tooth is gone come,” he yelled at me, ”under the pillow the fairy get you coins lollipop for the tooth the fairy give you lollipop for the tooth is gone tooth pull tooth cut,” he continued, “tooth flew the coop tooth hand tooth goes under Spider-Man pillow.” I asked him if he wanted a lollipop or coins and he said, “lollipop eat my lollipop.” “My tooth my tooth is gone finally,” he said about an inch from my nose. I decided to do the whole tooth fairy thing early with him because he kept asking for his tooth back. I told him once the tooth fairy came then it would be gone. So he put it under his pillow and I switched it to the lollipop. He kinda liked the lollipop but he wanted to put it back under the pillow to get the tooth back. I don’t think he has ever had a lollipop or at least more than a couple of licks. He’s not a big sweet eater besides his chocolate milk. He has asked a couple more times about his tooth but I told him it belonged to the tooth fairy now. This was a huge experience for him and amazing progress to me. I dreamed for the day he would make these connections and today was the day. His laughter, his connections, and his smile make my heart sing. Dreams are the victories of tomorrow. Make yours come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The no-sleeping trend is about to start. I can feel it. I’m hoping I’m wrong but one of us is about to start not sleeping well again. Owen was in my bed once again before I technically was even asleep. And then the bed hog process started. Thankfully he slept the rest of the night. When we woke I think he beat me to having the mood first but I quickly caught up. I told him that he was not going to grandma’s house today and that we were going to go do other things. This went about as I suspected. We then discussed it for about an hour and he moved forward. He asked for chocolate milk and I reminded him of his manners. He only says the food he wants instead of asking me in a sentence using his kind words. I told him to bring me his cup and he brought it to me. I poured some but I didn’t pour as much as he wanted so he took the lid back off the container and I poured some more into his cup. He then said, “mud” and walked away. “It’s a bunny it’s a rabbit,” he screamed. He wanted me to look out the window. I told him a bunny could be outside. “It’s a robot bunny,” he said. I told him he had a robot bunny, that’s what he calls his BeatBo toy. When I looked outside I didn’t see the bunny but I saw a plastic shopping bag. He said, “it floated away.” I told him that was a plastic bag blowing in the wind. It could have been a bunny as well but all I saw was the bag. I told him we were going to the park. He asked for his friends but they couldn’t go in the morning. We left to go to the park and the first park didn’t have any swings so after he went down the slide a couple of times and then when he was trying to go backward off of another area that was a straight drop off I decided to take him to the church park. The two things both parks had in common were too many people not wearing blue pants. How do you explain to someone that your child wants them to change their clothes immediately or they have to leave the park? How do you explain to them that he wants to uncross their legs? How do you explain to them that your child wants to spit on his hand and then wipe it on their pants to see if they look different? The answer is you can’t. He then moved on to wanting to ride someone else’s bike. He can’t ride most of the bikes that were there but I told him when we went back we would bring a bike. He is learning how to ride a bike and can now use a tricycle at school. It was really windy and I tried to put my hair up. This also did not go over well. He now thinks it is fine if I wear the hat he likes but it’s not ok if wear my hair up. He immediately came to pull my hair down. There was a leaf on the sidewalk and he ran to the trash can to throw it away. I told him he didn’t have to throw it away it could be on the ground so he got it out of the trash can and put it back on the ground. Between him yelling that he wanted everyone’s bike and everyone’s clothes we had to leave. I had to plot and plan how to get him back in the car though because he wanted to get on one of the bikes. The entire way home he yelled that he wanted a bike next time. I spent the next few hours researching tricycles and I am going to ask his teacher which one he uses at school. The night went about the same way as the day did. The internet went out and he yelled, “please check with your dad or mom for help” repeating what he has heard in other videos. I’m trying to block out all the bathroom moments or lack thereof for the day. I’m choosing to focus on the positive stuff. As night fell I think we finally found our calm. He fell asleep asking for his tablet and to watch Mickey Mouse. Tomorrow is church. I hope he doesn’t want the bike tomorrow. He was asking about everyone he will see so I know he will be happy. Some days the rollercoaster feels like it is only taking us through the loops but it will straighten itself out again. Here’s to the good days to come. Focus on the victory of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The screams are the echoes in my mind I have to push through. Owen came to my room before I was completely asleep. He crawled into bed with me and thankfully we both fell back asleep. He slept the rest of the night. Me, not so much. I don’t think it would matter even if they made a double-sized king bed that it would be any different because he takes up a lot of real estate but yet he wants his head on my pillow, no matter what. I got up to go to the bathroom and his words were out before I got very far. “Sit,” he said. I kept walking and told him that I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t rush him to get out of bed. I turned on the kitchen light once I was out of the bathroom and he came to the kitchen. He seemed much peppier than he had been all week but I still wanted to take his temperature. Thankfully it was fine. Before I could even get back to my room with my cup of coffee he grabbed his tablet, turned off the kitchen light, and went past me to get into his bed. Sometimes I’m the grumpy one. I wasn’t completely ready to be awake even though I was very much awake. He sat next to me, calmly playing with tablet. I gave him a countdown of when we would need to get ready for school. I could tell he was feeling better because he was ready to get outside and wait for his bus. He wanted to talk about animals and the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Any of my suggestions were met with him either bending over staring at my shoes or rattling off the answer to get back to what he wanted to talk about. His mind amazes me. I asked him if he could name an animal that starts with U and his answer is always unicorn. I asked him if he could name something different and he replied with wanting to name animals with the letter V. He said, “vulture” and used his mouth to really say the letters in the word. He was doing it like he was probably taught by his teacher or therapist. He heard the bus and he froze. I could see the excitement wash over him as it turned. He was ready to run to it before it stopped. I’m thankful he loves school. His teacher is the perfect match for him and sets goals for him to achieve. She encourages him and she encourages me. It’s important to me to have a bond with his teacher so we can work together to move Owen forward. She sent me a message to let me know that we had a seal in our bathtub. I laughed. He is stuck on Salty the seal right now from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Salty seems to spend a lot of time at our house. When he came home from school he said he wanted to go to the park until we got inside and then he didn’t want to go anywhere I suggested. He did however want to scream at the top of his lungs because he wanted me to change but he didn’t want my pants to be in my room while I changed. He wanted them gone. I try to not let his screams discourage me and instead ride the waves of emotions and help him understand that clothes don’t magically appear and disappear. It’s a lesson we still have a long way to go with. The rest of the night went about the same. I tried not to ruffle any feathers and avoid all the going to grandma’s house questions. Plans for our weekend are changed around some so we will see how he does but I didn’t want him to dwell on it until tomorrow so he might be able to sleep. He fell asleep quickly but I’m very thankful he is feeling better. He laughed and laughed and laughed at Salty and the rest of the gang tonight and that makes my day. The clouds will part and the sun will shine down again. Keep moving forward and know that all things are possible if you believe. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I’m thankful Owen was feeling better this morning. I keep praying that the sickness will stay away. As soon as he woke he started asking for his teacher. I wasn’t convinced he was feeling completely fine but I let him go to school. When we stood waiting for the bus his words and actions amused me. I asked him to name three planets. He quickly named all of them and then said he wanted to name animals that started with M. When he was done I asked him if he could name three modes of transportation. He wanted to go back to naming animals but I said let’s do transportation first. He rattled off three and was back to animals. He heard the bus and started pointing toward the corner. He was excited to be going. When I picked him up for therapy his teacher said he had a pretty good day. We talked a lot on the way there. I told him he would have a busy week ahead. Monday he has a dentist appointment, Tuesday he goes back to the eye specialist, and Thursday his therapy. I’m sure there is something else I’m forgetting too. It seems like it only will get busier from here. I dream about the possible for Owen. I tell him all things are possible if he believes and he sets his mind to it. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other. His therapists said he did a great job but he was a little amped up from one of them being in a new room. Change is hard and change is harder when it is change. Any and all changes are harder unless they are wanted and then they are hard. They are hard but it shows progress for him as well but it will be something he tells me a lot about, for weeks, months, years to come. After we left his therapy we went to “ride the tractor with Goofy.” He was excited to go. He likes going to ride the bigger tractors because they all have seatbelts and this dude loves to talk about seatbelts and safety. When we were done he didn’t want to go get food but he did eat where we got home. I pray he rests well tonight and is feeling more like himself tomorrow. Even though he wasn’t feeling great he still laughed a lot and sang to me numerous times. For that I am thankful. The little things set the biggest rewards in motion. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen crawled into bed with me once again. I was too tired to even know what time it was but thankfully we both fell right back asleep. When I woke I could tell he still wasn’t feeling great and he had a slight temperature. I told him he was sick so he was staying home. I asked him if he wanted anything to eat and he said, “lizards.” I said you want lizards? He said, “no frogs.” I’m not sure how this became our go-to food conversation but we’ve had it numerous times before. His words are incredible. He is making many new connections. He said, "polar bear polar bear that’s not a very hungry caterpillar it flew the coop" as he handed me The Caterpillar And The Polliwog book he had in his hand. He then asked me to find The Very Hungry Caterpillar book. I love how his mind works. He walked up to me when I was fixing his snack and said, “that brown bear brown bear book is by Bill Martin Jr and Eric Carle.” I thought well there you go. He read at least fifteen books on his own or looked through them and brought several to me to read for him or he read to me. He made a point to tell me it was fall and November. Then he told me not to fall. He went through a whole thing about not slipping on the grass. Even though he wasn’t feeling his best he had an incredible day. We had numerous conversations about school and why he wasn’t there. He was very concerned about the days of the week and what he was missing. By the afternoon his temperature had gone done and I’m hoping it stays down all night. He ate a lot more at the end of the day and seemed to be feeling much better. He truly amazed me today with his vocabulary and reading. He even brought me his book about losing a tooth and he told me he gets coins. He’s never had this connection before so I hope that when he loses the last few that he will be able to have the “fairy give me coins.” Dreams do come true and believe in a beautiful tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen always says “that’s baby Owen” when he sees himself. Owen slept pretty okish last night. He woke up at some point and got into bed with me. Then he slept until I got up to go to the bathroom and start our day. Before I could even get out of bed he told me to “sit.” I told him I couldn’t I had to go to the bathroom. He followed me pretty quickly after that. His words were incredible this morning. Thankful doesn’t even begin to cover my emotions for hearing his words still to this day especially when the doctors told me he might not talk. And the more connections he makes the more conversations we have. We were getting ready to go outside to wait for the bus and I realized there was a pumpkin in his backpack. When I pulled it out I dropped it. He said, “there’s my pumpkin you found it I didn’t know where it was.” The whole thing, his words, all his words. He’s probably heard some of those words together on a video or in other conversations but they all flowed from him almost effortlessly. There was a little hesitation in his voice with his words but it flowed nonetheless. When we were waiting for the bus he said, “Chip and Dale hide nuts.” I love how he comes up with these random tidbits he wants to share. His bus came around the corner and he was off. His teacher said he had an incredible day and rode the tricycle all around the gym by himself. What a glorious day for him. When he came home he first said he wanted to go to the park, then it was to the tractor and tents, but decided he wanted to see the “bridge flag rollercoaster.” I’m not sure why he decided to call the bridge a rollercoaster but as pitched as it is I would almost have to agree with him. Plus, there are railroad tracks under it so I think that adds to it. After he ate a snack we went walking with him in the “little red wagon.” He didn’t seem like he was feeling that great before we left but he really wanted to go on the walk. He was thrilled to get to the bridge. The pitch is so steep that it was hard for me to push him up to the top but we got there. He wanted to go across the bridge but I knew I would be exhausted if I pushed him up the hill twice. We turned around and I walked slowly down the same way we came. We didn’t stay gone long on our walk because it looked like it might rain and that would have upset him. He didn’t eat too much for his dinner and he wanted to sit with me in the “white bed.” So we sat a lot tonight. I pray he is not getting sick. He went to sleep very quickly. I cling to his words today and his incredible growth. I’m thankful for every inch we crawl forward. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
May 2024
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