The dramatic stomping still gets me. I keep wondering what makes Owen do it. I can’t decide if it’s something he needs to do, likes to do, or is still learning to do. Sleep was better than some nights but still not that great. I truly long for one night where we both sleep all night long. I turned on the kitchen faucet to wash dishes. This sent Owen into a complete meltdown. He started screaming, “wash your hands done washing your hands”. His hands went to his ears and his foot started tapping on the ground. My heart aches for him and at the same time, my heart explodes from the nerves that run through my body. His screams rip me to my core. I never know what will trigger a meltdown and how long it will last. Pins and needles ain’t got nothing on me when screams can pierce a thread right through the head of that needle. He hates the sink faucet running for any amount of time but baths are great and he even likes the shower. All I can think of is the difference in how the water sounds in different parts of the house. And then I breathe. He walked up to me and stuck his tablet over my hands. I told him he was going to have to wait a minute until I put the things down I was carrying. He started squealing. He puts stuff in my hands even if I have something in them. I have tried numerous times, explaining in all the ways I can think of that he can’t stick his tablet on top of whatever I’m holding. He has no concept of something being hot or that I could drop what I’m carrying because he stops me. One day at a time I remind myself. His words kept me smiling today. He talks to Siri nonstop, asking her questions in all the languages he can think of. And for that I’m thankful. Never give up. Tomorrow is a brand new day and you are amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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Sleep, glorious sleep, interrupted by several talks about his teacher, languages, and thinking he was late for church at three in the morning but otherwise Owen slept much better. Me, well I was there to answer every beck and call. I fell asleep with him in what he still calls “mommy’s bed” but it’s been his bed for a while now. He still kept waking up, almost getting out of bed to go look for me until I told him I was right there. He would lay back down with me but then he wanted to talk about his teacher until he fell back asleep. At least those moments were quick. He doesn’t forget a thing, not one thing. He used to watch a video featured in an app about the alphabet. Years ago for whatever reason, the app changed and no longer has the video in it. However, he can still watch the same video on YouTube. He now opens the app, says, “ABCs” to me, and will repeat that until I say, “you have to go to YouTube”. This has lead to countless meltdowns over the last few years. He will look at the app every single day for months and then stop for a while. When he starts opening the app again if I forget what I’m supposed to say the meltdown is to follow. And my brain spins trying to remember all the details that he remembers without even thinking twice. There are ways around all of these moments but when you are right there in that second all you can do is float. My dude is going to master all the languages and it’s going to keep me on my toes. He was swinging and he said, “be careful” like I always tell him but he said it in French. This momma had better start hitting the translator button hard. Bedtime was a rocky road time. He kept saying, “time for bed” but he had a tailspin over the blanket that was on him. The fake snoring finally lead to quiet hums and he was out. I’m thankful for his smile and can’t wait to see what the tomorrows and tomorrows bring. Celebrate your victories, know you are worthy, and tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Two o’clock in the morning comes awfully early when midnight was really late. This whole sleeping thing, who needs it. Owen struggled to go to sleep. He wanted to know when he was going to see his teacher again and he wanted to know every French word I did not know. Once he fell asleep it wasn’t long and he was up asking the same questions. When he has something on his mind it is hard for him to let go of it until he processes it. He kept screaming for his tablet and at two in the morning it really wasn’t something I wanted him to him but I should also know the night would sure go smoother if I let him have it. The screaming continued. No amount of begging for him to stop or reprimanding him will change this. Using timeouts only delays the screaming and generally, it leads to meltdowns. I’ve yet to figure out the right form of discipline that is both effective and even comes close to explaining the issue. So I breathe. “Come out come out wherever you are”, Owen yells. Sometimes his phrases shock me. I waited for years for him to talk to me and now that he does I wonder where his words come from. He repeats phrases by rote and his memory is long so his words could come from something he read, a video he watched, or maybe even from someone speaking to him. And now that all the languages are in the mix he keeps me guessing even more. I fixed ham salad sandwiches for our dinner. I’m still working on showing him how to eat a sandwich without squishing it and pulling it apart so the ham salad went squirting out of his hands in all directions. He ran to me to give me a “big hug” and the ham salad followed. I hadn’t said one thing to him about bed and he kept telling me “two more minutes I'm not going to bed today”. As the night comes to a close it should be interesting. He told me he loved me in French and German. I’ll take it. I’m liking this language train and I’m loving my sweet baby O. Follow your heart, believe in yourself, and make your dreams possible. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I am dreaming of sleep I think. It seems like sleep is hard to come by right now. Owen is perched on the chair, eating veggie straws, and watching a video. He holds his hand in front of his face, moving up and down by the screen. He’s always been fascinated by the shadows and watches how the light falls onto objects. He stims as he gets excited watching the shadows. His hands go out from his body in different directions, almost like he is punching the sky. He makes an EEEEE sound as he continues. He has done these steps since he was little. I didn’t understand why he did it at first but as time has gone on I realize it helps him regulate and process what’s going on in his body. It’s calming to him. There were other types of actions that he did when he was younger that I was concerned with, like banging his head. He stopped doing that thankfully. It was so scary for me. I truly didn’t understand why he would do it and how to help him through it. I still don’t always understand his need to do certain actions but I let him know that I’m here for him. I feel sometimes like I’m playing that game where you name that tune in one note or less. Only it’s a combination of words and tunes for us. Owen will mumble or hum several words together and expect me to be able to find them on his tablet. And now that he is speaking numerous languages this has gotten even harder for me. He wants me to find a video or a song that could be in countless languages or sung by any combination of people, cartoons, or even animals. His video history doesn’t always help because he will remember a fact or tune for years and years and then want to look at it again. I ask him to repeat himself but this is a hard process for him that he is only starting to understand. Today he wanted me to find a song by humming the first few words and then he squished together “doda”. I do not know how I figured it out but the screaming that had filled the air stopped. It was an English song but he then responded to me in French. I’m constantly amazed at how many words and phrases he is saying in so many languages. I’m thankful for his progress and here’s to watching my sweet baby O soar. Be bold, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Some days I have to breathe. Owen was on edge all night. He kept repeating his schedule over and over. I tried to distract him only for him to circle right back to the same thing. We started the morning similarly and he was very clingy. I’m trying to teach Owen independence but sometimes that stops me in my tracks. My boy loves water and he has no concept of water safety or what he shouldn’t do. And then there is the toilet. He had already gone to the bathroom once when we woke up but he drank a lot so before I got him dressed for school I had him go potty one more time. He’s a lot faster than me so I told him to go to the bathroom and I followed. He wasn’t that far ahead of me but far enough that he went to the bathroom and stuck his hand in the toilet. I had already put his shirt on and because it was long sleeves it was wet. And not only was it wet but he wanted to shake it around. My head spins. I hate toilets and here he is playing in it. This is not the first time, or even the tenth time this has happened. I’ve lost count of how many times he has done this and yet I seem to block it out of my mind until it happens again. I begged him to never do this again, like I’ve begged him all the previous times. So I breathe. We walked to the bus stop and this is where my heart soared. He loves talking to Siri on my phone while we wait for the bus. He wants to ask her how to say things in all the languages. After he was done I started asking him how to say different phrases in numerous languages. He’s said bits and pieces to me before but here we stood and I asked him phrases from all the different languages he has gotten Siri to translate into. This momma was shocked. Like his English, it is still not fully articulated but phrase after phrase he said them. Japanese, Chinese, Italian, French, Spanish, German, Russian, and Portuguese all flowed from my baby. I recognized them only because the words have been repeated so much from Siri. Soon he will have it all flowing easily and I’m going to have to say use your English instead of use your words or I’m going to have to learn it like him. I keep thinking about how quickly he has learned all of these languages but I know it’s been years in the making. Never give up on the miracle that is right around the corner. It’s a beautiful story waiting to be told. Remember you are amazing and tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“Sit”, Owen said. I was sitting. But then I had to go to the bathroom. This did not please him. I don’t want to cry. Heck, I don’t even want to think about it. I walked to the bathroom, he started screaming. I stopped. I told him that we don’t scream at each other and especially when someone needs to go to the bathroom. I do not want to go back to the days where he would scream at the bathroom door, kicking and banging on it after he closed it. I told him to apologize to me and he said, “sorry mommy”, coming to me for a kiss on top of his head. Sometimes I think he needs to go through these negative behavioral steps as much as he has to go through the appropriate ones to make the connection to his own emotions and how I react. Not being in routine yesterday certainly changed how today would go. The dramatic stomping continued tonight. It’s almost like it is connected to a song or dance he is learning. The stomping gets me. It brings a little giggle to my heart. It’s so exaggerated and expressive. This is not something he normally does so to watch him stomping is a cherished moment. And the language train is chugging along. He laughs as he asks Siri to say, “I want banana and veggie straw and chocolate milk and monkey please in German”. He listens and then asks for the same thing in “spinach”. He changes it up a little and asks for Italian this time. Then he is laughing so hard he can’t get Siri to understand so he comes to me. I remind him to go slowly so she can understand him. That’s when the smile washes across my face. I actually have to tell my sweet baby O to slow down with his words. My baby is talking and learning every language he can think about. Owen’s back on his shrimp kick but after a little dinner conversation, he decided to eat the meatloaf in front of him. He had a bite and then he spit it out. “Meatloaf that is beef”, he stated, like he had just decided it. Beef is not something he has been eating for very long but we’ve had meatloaf numerous times and he’s always enjoyed it. After saying he wanted shrimp and me not moving he ate all the meatloaf and rice on his plate, asking for more. This momma is happy and cranky all at the same time. The world’s still spinning when I would love a calm day for all. His smile is the calm in my storm. Find what makes you smile and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Oh snow day, you foiled our day again. School was supposed to be a two-hour delay but the snow kept falling and then Owen’s day changed. Home it was. It took him a little while to process that he was staying home. He repeated his teacher’s name many times to me, almost begging for a different response. Once it clicked with him that he wasn’t going he moved on. He wanted church. He said, I want church please but in French. He went on to ask Siri for the phrase “I want church please” in all the languages he could think of. He was at least calmer than I thought he would be especially since he wasn’t going to his beloved school, on the bus, to see his teacher. When he was younger he would constantly take my finger to do activities on his tablet or to help feed him. It was like he couldn’t make the connection that his finger or body could do certain motions. The last few days he has been back to taking my finger and wanting me to open or close different applications, once again seeking my help or approval. This feels slightly different than his needs from those early days but certainly, he is looking for some type of reassurance again. I told him I was making pizza for dinner. He told me he really wanted shrimp by taking it out of the freezer and handing it to me. This cracks me up and the boy had shrimp for dinner. He also had shrimp for lunch. This happened after I made him fish for lunch and the whole time he was eating the two filets he requested shrimp. I made his requested shrimp and he devoured that too. My dude eats more than me already. He got shrimp on his nose and I asked him to wipe it. To my surprise he actually did. More progress. He is my sensory child and shrimp, like most foods, is his delight. He basically pulls the shrimp and the breading apart from each other and then rolls the shrimp between his fingers and toes if I don’t stay on my toes watching him. I remind him to take a bite and put it down. This is hard for him but tonight he made huge strides. The language train has done left the building. I cannot believe how fast it is taking off. He is amazing. He was asking Siri to translate French into French and then Spanish into French. Add in the German, Italian, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese, and Arabic that fascinates him and the sky is the limit. I’ve always said he thinks all languages are one big language. He makes my heart sing. Find your happiness, know you are important, and go after your dreams. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“Owen do you want pizza or fish for dinner”, I asked, trying to give him options. “Shrimp”, he said, giving himself more options. Hey, I’m all for it. If he knows what he wants and he eats it then why not. Early on I started giving him choices. For years I would say both sides of the conversation though. This still brings a lot of emotions to me. I wanted him to know that he could interact with me. I would ask him all kinds of questions, I still do. I ask him to tell me what his favorite color is, stating then that my favorite color is pink, hoping for the connection. I also tell him that it’s fine if he doesn’t have a favorite color because maybe he likes them all or he would rather have a favorite texture or shape. I remind him that he has choices. He’s never told me his favorite color but I will keep asking him. I worried that he wouldn’t be able to tell me when he had a rock in his shoe or if he didn’t feel good. Somehow he connected singing “momma called the doctor and the doctor said” with not feeling well. I rejoiced when I made the connection that he was singing it when he wasn’t feeling well. Now he asks for his doctor by name but will still sing the song. He loves his doctor and I wanted to make sure that anytime he had to see her that the experience was good. It’s hard enough when he doesn’t want to do something but if he doesn’t like someone or wherever are going I can tell instantly. Thankfully he loves going to her office because he gets to ride the elevator and there is a slide in the waiting room. I’m being serenaded with the “spinach” version of Humpty Dumpty and him saying “two more minutes” because he doesn’t want to get ready for bed yet. He’s happy but hyper so we shall see how bedtime goes. And this momma is happy with his progress. Follow your dreams, lead with your heart, and believe in the possibilities of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
May 2024
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