I’m not quite sure when I became the girl eating the peanut butter right out of the jar but here I sit. I’m thankful Owen slept all night. I woke a little early but I also slept all night, I think. Our routine in the morning is back. I’m praying for his routine to return in all aspects but we’ll take it one step at a time. I got my coffee and then he crawled into bed with me. We were right back where we started before the summer break. We had about an hour before we needed to get ready. He stayed right there with me the whole time. He was showing me different things on his tablet. He even was calm when I got up to get more coffee. It was then time to start getting ready. I held up his jeans to help him with them and he said, “shorts.” I said you want to wear shorts and he said, “shorts please.” This is years in the making. Yesterday he wore shorts too but it was me holding jeans and shorts up and he decided. Today I didn’t try to have him choose only because it was his school day and I didn’t want to start a meltdown right when he had to get dressed. So this is beyond a blessing. I have shorts ready for tomorrow in case he decides he wants to wear them. I need to decide how to present them to him or set them out but I think he will tell me like he did this morning. When he came home from school I could tell he was agitated. They changed his bus driver which meant a different route which meant everything was turned upside down for him. I tried to keep him calm before we went to vision therapy. I needed him to be able to focus on what was going to happen. He had his snack and off we went. He is getting quicker about trying to put his seatbelt on. When we drove to his therapy we passed the store our friend took him to. He wanted to go. I told him we could go afterward if he wanted to. His expectations of how the next hour went were not exactly what he thought. We got through it but he was too focused on the internet. I’m thankful for a doctor that adapts with us and helps Owen through these moments. We left and in the car, he kept telling me he didn’t want to go to the store and other places. I could tell he was at his wrong turn limit. We got home but it was all emotional to him. He was able to calm down for the rest of the evening but he wanted nothing to do with my instructions or what I needed him to do. He ate great and he listened to a lot of music. “Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone by Larry Groce,” he said and sang right along with it. I’m praying as the week goes by that he will adjust to the new bus schedule, wear more shorts, and continue to grow at school. Each day is a stepping stone for tomorrow. Some days the stones are placed a little further apart and sometimes they are a little closer together. Both paths get us there. Keep walking forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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My prayers were answered. Owen slept all night. He bypassed all the morning stuff and instead wanted his tablet but he came to me asking about it. “Tablet tablet,” he said. I said, “good morning Owen.” He said, “good morning mommy I’m fine tablet.” He had passed the bathroom and his tablet to get to me to ask about it but I was thankful for these moments. When he is calm this is when more of my words sink in and we can share our conversation with each other. It’s in those elevated moments that are so hard on him. I asked him if he went to the bathroom, knowing he didn’t. He said yes but with one look from me he was off and running to go. I was thankful that we both slept through the night. My exhaustion was beyond what I can even explain. I opened a drawer and I heard him coming to my room. He was checking to make sure that I was in the right place and that nothing I was touching was out of place. The pins and needles sit in my gut waiting for his reaction. He left without a sound. And my breath escaped my lungs with a loud sigh. I can only imagine what he goes through if my opening a drawer causes him to stop doing what he is doing to come to check on me. It doesn’t always happen and it doesn’t always bother him. But it always keeps me on my toes. As Owen came to me with waffles in his hair I remembered talking with my mom yesterday about what Owen ate while he was there. She told me he ate string cheese. This morning I got this message. She said, “I’m happy to report, I almost forgot, the string cheese fairy left me a large stick under my pillow!” The food under the pillow is always interesting. I’m never sure if he is saving it for later if it’s not something he likes, or if it’s a gift for the pirate tooth fairy. There are probably a few other explanations as well but never a dull moment when you get a food surprise. It was time to get ready for church and I held a pair of blue jeans and blue shorts in front of him. I didn’t say a word about what they were instead I said, “which one would you like to wear?” He said, “blue shorts.” I rejoiced quietly in my heart. We quickly got dressed and out the door we went. He got in the car and he put his seatbelt on. I had to remind him but he did it quickly and this was our victory. He was relatively quiet all the way to church. He even answered a few questions for me without screaming or being upset. He did great at church in his blue shorts. After church, he played on the playground and rode his bike. He wanted his tablet on his handlebar so he could listen to his music. We got some lunch and we came home. The rest of the afternoon went flying by and he was very calm. We had lots of little interactions. And then our internet went out again. This was not fun but thankfully after about an hour, it came back again. He was very excited that tomorrow is school even though he wasn’t ready to go to bed he was asleep as soon as he pulled up the blanket. Through the valleys of the day, he was able to get past them and had a really good day. My favorite part was when he was laughing so hard while I was tickling him. Every time I stopped he grabbed my hand and put them back on his feet. “One more tickle,” he said. The victory is always closer than you think. Remember every step forward is getting you closer to that victory. Celebrate your steps. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“Tablet,” Owen said. I think my eyes cracked open at this point trying to see the clock. The word came again. This time it was determined and louder, “tablet.” The numbers were coming into focus and it was very early. I told him it wasn’t even three o’clock in the morning and he needed to go back to bed. I knew this was not going to happen but at three o’clock in the morning, your brain does not follow the directions of what you should be saying. By six o’clock in the morning, I was more exhausted than if I had just said you can have your tablet if you stay in your bed. He was very calm after that. He wanted to see his grandma but he was asking about all his days ahead. Starting school on a Friday was very hard for him but thankfully he is concentrating on going to church. All day I worked with him so that he knows he has to sleep in order to go to church. He repeated it back to me as we talked about it. I truly hope this helps him. We got ready to go to Grandma’s and he talked to me about church. I try to keep him focused on the day we are on but he starts talking about something and then he repeats it and repeats it. I forget that I’m supposed to focus on today. He had a really good day with Grandma. He remembered and repeated that we don’t pinch each other. This is one of those things I pray he doesn’t start doing again. He cycles through these behaviors and I’m hoping this one doesn’t start again. When I went to pick him up he reminded me again we don’t pinch. He didn’t want to go anywhere else so we came home. I’m hoping to convince him to ride his bike tomorrow after church. I’m hoping we make it to church. I tried to keep the rest of the night calm so that he might sleep better. In general, he starts the bedtime process but tonight I’d let him stay awake a little bit later hoping that that would also help with his sleep. He ate a huge dinner and kept snacking until it was bedtime. He repeated it again that he had to sleep in order to go to church. I’m truly praying that helps him sleep. The victory for the day was no pinching. I’m thankful for a good day and I pray for a better night. I love the songs he sang for me and the music he played. Find your inspiration and let it be your guide. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen crawled into bed with me like the summer had faded away and we were back to our same routine before school ended last year. He was up numerous times until midnight but thankfully he was able to go to sleep. The festival was going on so it was loud and then the rain started and he wanted me to turn off the rain. He was calm though and that helped him go back to sleep, I think. He woke with a mission and that mission was he was ready to cross the blue river. He listened when I told him everything we needed to do to get ready. We went outside to wait for the bus and he was very excited to be back in the mode. He looked for his bus and he was thrilled when he saw it coming. I was so happy he got on that bus. I knew he would have a great day and be ready for more. When he came home I asked him to tell me three things he did at school. He said, “blue colors shapes rectangles and square.” I was happy with him being able to tell me anything. This was a big deal for him. I asked him if wanted to go someplace for dinner. I knew the answer but I still dream about the day we can go out on a Friday night or celebrate something. Sometimes it’s the expectations that get you. It’s his first day back to school and I would love to take him to dinner or go to the festival but he can only process the moment. The rollercoaster of emotions for having the first day of school on a Friday was hard on both of us. Our routine was right back to being the same but to start on a Friday threw us off. Thankfully he knew he was going to grandma’s tomorrow and that made him happy. It also made him repeat her name multiple times all night to make sure he was going. He was so happy to get back into routine. He’s already talking about his days ahead and when he can get on that bus again. I’m thankful he was happy about going to school again. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Back to sleeping is a wonderful thing. Owen slept until after six and I slept close to it as well. He woke in a good mood but he was concentrating on the bus. After a while, our internet was out again. I think partly because of the cable so I will see if the company can run a new line. Thankfully I adjusted the cable and it started working for now but it’s not something I want to repeat every day. Breaking things or things breaking seems to be a constant for us. He is hard on some things and some things can’t handle the excitement we have for them. Owen will throw himself on the couch to get some of his energy out and then keeps banging into it. He doesn’t do it as much as he used to but it is still one of the motions he does a lot especially when our internet goes out. He didn’t want to go ride his bike before therapy because he had one thing on his mind and that was riding the bus to school tomorrow so he could see all his favorite people. He did great at therapy. He was so excited about doing sentences with his speech therapist. When he was done he wanted to take the box home that they make the sentences from. They have cards in them and he has to make sentences with the cards. He also did great with his physical therapist and when he left her room he saw boxes with cards that were similar to what his speech therapist uses and he wanted to get them off the shelf and do the sentences again. On our way home I was explaining to him about not yelling at me and that we needed to give each other patience and kindness. He said, “do you understand me that’s a great idea.” The words are coming and it is going to be a great school year. They called to give me his bus schedule and he has the same bus driver as last year. “Ride the bus cross the blue river ride a bus,” he said. He kept requesting from YouTube to “make a sentence cards stick your tongue out.” He is ready to learn. He was calm for bedtime. He took a bath after he painted with me and he was asleep quickly. And stayed asleep for about an hour. He woke up probably for many reasons. There was a festival not far from us playing music but then the rain came and he wanted me to turn the rain off. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to convince him I can’t turn off the rain. It’s close to midnight and I’m praying the rain stops and he can go to sleep so he can go to school tomorrow. He played his harmonica and his song is the melody in my heart. Find what moves you and rejoice in the song that it leaves for you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“The internet is out,” Owen said before I had time to even process he was standing in front of me. The squeal came next and the words again. The internet was in and out last night when I finally fell asleep well after midnight. I didn’t leave the backup connected to his tablets so he was upset when it wasn’t working. I got it connected but it kept trying to connect to the old internet so it was constantly going in and out. “Sure go get you some lights sure go get you some internet,” he said as I was trying to turn the light on and he keep switching it off. That is his general response when he wants something and it isn’t going his way. He needed the lights off and the internet on. I finally disconnected the router and modem completely so it wouldn’t keep trying to connect again. I ordered a router and modem combo and it was being delivered with my groceries first thing in the morning. These modern-day conveniences have helped me out on more than one occasion. The dude was on a word roll. “Make a sentence in two words,” he said. Every which way he was all about words and languages this morning before it was even eight o’clock in the morning. It is also amazing that he knows how to translate things into Turkish when Siri can’t translate into Turkish yet. He asked her to translate so many words again. “Something went wrong please try again in Arabic,” he requested from her. I was on with tech support for over an hour trying to get my internet working. It was hard on Owen for me to be on the call but he let me talk. It thankfully started working at the same time we had to leave for one of Owen’s therapy sessions. He’s been back to pulling my hair and pinching me, saying “we don’t pinch” when he does it. Today, I accidentally said he bites me instead of pinches me. Later when we got home he didn’t bite down hard on my arm but he said, “bite you.” I am hoping I didn’t get that idea started again. He is back to having meltdowns over seeing bananas. He took my bananas and threw them in the trash. I’m hoping this isn’t something he is recycling back through. Bananas are something we worked really hard to get past. It was years in the making and now we are back to him upset again. He wanted fish for dinner. I do believe we both still have fish in our hair now. “Hey Owen in Arabic,” he belted out to his tablet and then laughed hysterically. I love to hear his laugh. Bedtime came quickly and it was a mix between one emotion after another. He wouldn’t stop repeating about riding the bus. I know it is a great concern for him and he is truly ready for school to start. The rollercoaster of emotions was all over the map. Between the internet, meltdowns, and fish hair we ran the gamut of emotions. I’m thankful for his laughter and smiles that were sprinkled all throughout the day when he wasn’t upset. I need to hear his laugh. Today was my brother’s birthday and he’s been gone for almost two years. I tried to think about how many lives he touched and all that he did for me including making me laugh. The laughter is what I needed today and Owen put the smile on my face. Our life is not always easy to explain but the love sure is. Live in the knowledge that you can accomplish great things with a smile and a good heart. Smiles to all and donut daze!
You get paralyzed in a moment when everything is coming at you at once. The good screams and the meltdown screams were neck and neck today, followed by Owen saying “we don’t pinch” as he pinched me only enough to fit the remark. When I process it all I remind myself it was a good day and he accomplished a lot of things. Focusing on the hard stuff only gets me stuck on the hard stuff. Owen slept until after five so I was celebrating that victory. I gave him a choice to go bowling or ride his bike. He went back and forth for at least an hour and then chose bowling, after saying no to both many times. He is on the countdown for school. Once he made a choice I told him that we were going to lunch with his grandparents and then he would spend a few hours with grandma. He said, “mommy’s car” and then quickly changed to “grandma’s car.” This also was something that he went back and forth on. He sat eating his second breakfast, asking Siri to translate everything he could think of into other languages. Even listening for a few minutes fascinates me because of all the amazing things he asks for. “I want banana please in Arabic I want chocolate milk please in Arabic giraffe in Arabic I want chocolate milk in German” one sentence flowing into the next barely stopping to let her answer. He laughs the whole time as he’s doing it. The amount of information he must have stored in his brain amazes me daily. We got ready to go and he repeated the three steps of our journey, “go bowling, eat at restaurant, grandma’s car.” He was more interested in skipping to the last step but he thoroughly enjoyed the first two. He has a hard time staying in the moment. We went bowling and he is starting to throw the ball a little more on his own. We still do the motions together but I can see it won’t be long before he is doing it himself. When we left we met my parents for lunch and he wanted the chicken. He ate all of his and I gave him some of my roast beef, sage dressing, and potato cake. I always have him try new foods to keep him moving forward with food choices. He left with his grandparents and he had a good time. However, it is getting harder for him to process that he can’t always go to all the places he wants to go. We are working on meltdown strategies to help him process it. It is almost like a prompt meltdown to me. Depending on the circumstances it can trigger the meltdown and things like not going in the right direction or driving by a certain house will send him into a complete meltdown. When we came home our internet was out. After a couple of hours of nothing connecting to the internet, Bluetooth, or my backup wifi I had no answers and had spent an hour on the phone with technical support. Owen does not always handle phone calls well. When anyone calls he goes through every name of anyone I have ever talked to on the phone to see if it’s them and yells out each name. He kept telling her “thank you you can go bye bye.” Thankfully she listened to me and didn’t hang up. By the end of the call, I was pretty sure it was the modem and I know why and how it happened today. At least it was working enough that he could watch his videos in between the times it went in and out. He had a song pulled up. He said, “that’s spinach” which is what he always calls Spanish. Then he started talking about the tallest mountain in West Virginia. The information that brain holds truly is astonishing. I gave him a few extra minutes before bedtime so he would be calmer and he was out quickly. Through the challenges, the victories are what we need to lean on to see the beauty of growth. Find your smile and let tomorrow be your victory. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Celebrate the success in the moment. That’s what I’m focusing on today. Owen slept all night. Me not so much. You would think there are only so many things I can overthink but I’m here to tell you I can overthink them all. I like to say Owen wakes “quietly” when he gets his tablet and immediately goes to the couch. I barely heard him except for this little laugh that erupted at something he was watching. He was in a good mood when he woke up. He is clicking off his days until school starts. He watched videos about local bus schedule drop-offs. Then he brought me his tablet with the “yellow house 87 babysitter.” Have I mentioned my sweet baby O is amazing? He found his babysitter’s house which he hasn’t been to in around seven years. He told me he wanted to go see her so he could watch Mickey Mouse 87, referring to the channel number he watches the show on. It’s a tan house but he called it yellow. He always calls his doctor’s tan shoes yellow so I think that is what he means. He knows the color tan but he will say “it’s kinda a brown kinda a yellow.” Now that I have given him Google Earth he is figuring it all out. He amazes me with his memory of things that happened so long ago. We had his vision therapy today and I told him that we could wear something different today if he wanted to. After the great debate, he agreed that I could wear a grey dress and he would wear shorts. He told his doctor that she couldn’t wear grey shorts. He is still having a hard time with others not wearing blue pants but we are making huge strides. He did great with all the exercises today and even did some that were previously hard for him. When we left there he requested “this Donald’s” pointing to the restaurant near us. He has names for all the places and they are not necessarily their actual names. The rest of the night went fast and I love hearing him play his harmonica. He realized I have been posting them on YouTube and he used the voice-activated option saying “Owen play the harmonica” and he watched the different videos. That makes me even happier that he loves them. Bedtime was met with a “no” but got into bed and sang himself to sleep. Focus on the good stuff and let the other stuff melt away. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I woke up this morning to hear Owen talking about his tablet. Hours later and me wanting a nap he requested more milk. I thought every day can be a bad day so I might as well make this a good day. No sleep gets you making up motivational speeches that hopefully work to motivate you. I had fallen asleep a little bit before midnight only for Owen to wake up somewhere in the next hour and that was that. Trying to convince him to go back to sleep is not something I can do but I keep trying. This whole school starting on a Friday thing has him all worked up and I don’t blame him. He wants school and he wants it Monday through Friday. He kept asking me about going to vision therapy and riding the bus. He’s trying to figure out how his days will go and I know it is all overwhelming for him. He wanted to talk about riding the bus and going to the “small school.” He also calls it the “little school.” I’m not always sure how he determines the names he uses for the different places but he has been able to show me more so that I can make some of the connections. He kept coming to me throughout the night to show me something on his tablet. I kept telling him he needed to try to go back to sleep so we could go to church today. I thought about going but I was exhausted. Some nights I can at least lay on the couch and get more sleep but that doesn’t always happen. By morning we were both yawning and that was that, we were staying home. I’m thinking next week he will be more into understanding school is happening so his schedule will be better. Also with his care and concern about which school he is going to and the day of the week, it will take more plotting and planning on my part for next year. Food and music were on our agenda today. He ate from the minute he was awake it seems until a few minutes before bedtime. I would have to say that growth might be part of why he is struggling to sleep as well. He was on his computer reciting something in another language and he reached over to get his harmonica and started playing it. This makes me happy to see his love for music. Your happiness can make someone else’s day. Spread joy. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I’m thankful for a lot of things but the one thing I’m thankful for today is that Owen slept all night. I’m praying that he does it again tonight. He was having a calm morning so it was no ruffling of the feathers for me. He ate a lot today it seemed. First and second breakfast, first and second lunch, dinner, and lots of snacks in between. He had said he wanted to go bowling but when it was time to get ready he wanted to stay home. He talked about school and church throughout the day. He said, “school on Monday” after I told him school starts on Friday. I know that is extremely confusing to him since he thinks it should start on Monday. This led to him making sure he was going to take the bus and that he was going to what he calls “the little school.” The little school is the school he went to last year and not the school he went to for summer school. There was no convincing him to go anywhere today even though he mentioned bowling several times. He changed his focus to church tomorrow. He took a bath and he told me he wanted a slide into the bathtub. He asked me to jump into it. The cool thing though was when I told him I was going to wear a dress to church tomorrow. He said, “no blue pants.” I said no I was wearing a dress and he could wear what he wanted. He said, “blue shorts.” I was so excited that he said blue shorts. I am trying to make sure he understands choices and that we can wear different things in different places. We’ll see what happens tomorrow but I’m just happy he acknowledged something different. And he said it without me prompting him to say something different. I had to convince him to go to bed but once he was in his bed, he was asleep quickly. His focus is on tomorrow and I love that he loves church. Find your inspiration, and share it with the world. Watch what you can change by being inspired. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
May 2024
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