The struggles of a sensory baby are hard and confusing. Why at night or during happy times or even sad times does my baby have to struggle so?
Owen lays down to go to sleep and he can't stop moving. He can't stop fidgeting. He can't stop...
I think one more sippy cup will calm him. I think one more firm squeeze will calm him. I think if he would just let me do the leg compressions that would calm him but yet I still see the struggle.
I often wonder what it is that makes this so hard on him. Why does he move around so much? Why can't his legs just stop? What makes this so hard for him to deal with? I look at my little baby and I wonder if it hurts him or he is confused. I wonder if he even knows that he struggles. I wonder what am I missing that I can't help him stop moving. I wonder what is really going on with him that his body just won't stop.
Finally as a peace washes over him and the fight in his body leaves I see the calm wash over his face. This journey was often not quick or in my eyes not quick enough to give him peace.
He fights all the way into sleep. After several minutes of flailing around, often kicking, screaming, hitting he will find a calm and just when I think calm has won he will open his eyes and his little hand comes after my face. He will grab at my hair and eyes and then back off and be calm again. I have heard this from so many parents. And the wonder starts all over again. Why does he do this why does he feel the need to scratch and claw at me? The thought is they are trying to process everything but my thought is I just want to fix everything. I don't want him to suffer. I don't want him to hurt and I don't want him to feel any pain. I just pray he doesn't know this pain. I pray he feels my love and knows that mommy may not understand but will always be by his side.