“Drinky de water”, Owen said. He is now completely fascinated by drinking water out of a bottle. He goes to the refrigerator gets a bottle and brings it to me. He can take the lid off but I’m glad he brings it to me. And might I add I’m glad it’s water. He likes to squeeze it a little harder so he can scream, “makey de mess” and then he laughs hysterically. He also wants to see if he can get it to go up his nose. Now, this truly is one of those moments I have to breathe. If I act like it’s a problem then the dude wants to do it even more. If I don’t correct him then he keeps trying numerous ways to do it. I’m thankful he at least holds it with both hands. I make him sit when he really wants to run with the portable water sprinkler so I take some of the fun away but at least he is drinking more water. I need to start practicing my languages. He watched videos in French, German, Spanish, and Chinese that I know of, asking me to look up several of them. I wonder if he understands how much his laugh fills my heart with gladness and his smile warms my soul. I love how aware he is becoming of his surroundings. He saw our cups sitting on the counter. He started listing the colors off. He’s never paid attention to items like that so randomly. I will ask him what the color of something is but for him to walk up to the counter, touch the glasses, count the glasses, and then say each of their colors was mind-blowing. Tears float in my eyes thinking about how far he has come. Those steps were years in the making. I’m so thankful for his growth. My sensory baby was wrapped up in his body sock, rocking in his wobble top, singing songs while he was looking at alphabet videos. There was a whole lotta lot going on but he was happy. Find your happiness, share your joy, celebrate your victories, and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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The words, the connections, the growth is outstanding today. This momma is proud, proud, proud. There are times I can’t understand the words Owen is trying to communicate. It can be because of his pronunciation, they are another language, or the words are not referencing what he is meaning. For a long time, he called his toes “birthday candle”. It was a great day when I finally figured that out. Today was one of those days where words were a mix of everything you could possibly imagine. “Seahorse come on see the horse”, he yelled in a singsong tone, almost like it was a song. Now I assumed it was “seahorse” but he could have been referencing seeing a horse in both instances. Later he was doing another one of his planking moves on the couch and his wobble chair and my daredevil sweet baby O said, “up up you can have fall no no don’t fall you gonna fall”. I heard some of my words flying back at me as he balanced himself across the spanse of the two objects. He wanted to drink water from a bottle. We have been practicing this but he took it to a whole new level today. He asked me for lemon. I had talked to him several months ago about how people like to drink water in different ways like room temperature, with ice, or even lemon. His memory is long and I was excited about the connection. He drank the water putting his fingers in his mouth occasionally, spitting out some, saying words I could not completely understand. He made himself burp and laughing, he said, “scuse me”. I’m thrilled that he understands the connection to excusing himself even if he did the burp on purpose. We worked on right and left again but he still isn’t making the connection. When we are in the car he always tells me to go right. The steps are huge and I know he’ll put it all together one day. He sang for me and played his instruments. He even stood at his microphone singing word for word Down This Road, the song written about our journey with autism. Thankful for his growth, thankful for today. Follow your heart, believe in your dreams, and show the world your smile. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Sometimes the loneliness feels overwhelming. Then I hear, “thank you mommy” and my heart flutters. Owen had asked me for milk and when I was finished he told me thank you. I tell him that we have to show our respect to people and always use our manners so this thank you is years in the making. Concepts, emotions, actions, and reactions don’t all come easy for him. We have to go through the steps numerous times before he performs the steps. We’ve been working on directions. I’m also trying to get him to understand his left side and right side. Numerous times today we play games trying to get him to hold his left hand or right hand up. I watched him struggle through all the steps and I have to push through my own emotions. When I asked him to hold his right hand up he would clap his hands together and start singing “if you happy and you know clap your hand” spinning around with delight. He always uses both hands to do all his activities so I am not even sure if he is left-handed or right. He treats them equally. His screams echo through my mind. The noise can be deafening. He yells when he is happy, mad, sad, glad, and every other emotion I can think of. Learning words is helping him but he still screams through these emotions. And generally, when he is screaming he is jumping. I have to concentrate on the smiles he gave me, the hugs he requested, and the kisses he loved when I made a big smush sound on the top of his forehead. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen knows that when he goes to sleep and wakes up the next day that he will get to do his routine all over again but he likes to check to make sure it is what he thinks. He will say, “I have to go to sweep and den” waiting for me to tell him what his next day holds. He needs that reassurance. He said, “be careful” as he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. He’s heard me say it a thousand times and on today’s edition of why he needed to be careful was because he was attempting to stand on a wobble chair. They are hard enough to sit on let alone stand on but he sure tries. Once I told him numerous times not to stand on it he laid his body over the seat and then rested his head on the recliner extending his feet to his yoga ball. I wonder how he can lay as he does. It’s like he is planking across the furniture. I would fall off trying to do it but he has incredible core muscle strength. He loves watching videos about the alphabet. He will say all the words he can think of that start with each letter. Today he started watching a video in a foreign language about their alphabet. A picture of a car flew across the screen but it was with the letter B. He started singing it and saying words like the video. It amazes me that he switches from different languages seamlessly. It’s like all languages are one language to him though. I know that it can be hard for him to distinguish the difference. One day it will all come together for him. As he was drifting off to sleep he kept sitting up yelling “spaghetti”. I told him he could have spaghetti for lunch tomorrow. He told me, no and he quickly fell asleep. The connections, the growth, the smiles, and the love get stronger every day. Thankful for these moments. Never give up on the miracle yet to happen. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“I love ewe Owen”, he said. I made the sign for ‘I love you’ and asked him if he knew what it meant. I love that he added his name to the sentiment. I’m so excited about how much he is reading now. I know many of the words he has memorized but that’s truly half the battle of learning a language. He knows that if he wants me to help him find the videos that we have to read the captions under them first. He will randomly yell out “toaster” as we are reading the captions. I’m not sure how that word became the go-to word but he says it when he doesn’t understand one of the words. I need to show him a video that says the word toaster so he can see it. He interacted a lot with me tonight, asking for his milk and snacks adding please. He was much calmer than he has been in several days and ate a ton of food. I’m shocked some days how much he eats. He devoured a huge pile of shrimp and potatoes after he snacked all afternoon. He listened well tonight with instructions about our activities, he even played his guitar for me. I love that music has become important to him and he will play without me even prompting him. We talked about emotions again and how he makes me extremely happy. The path to tomorrow is not always smooth but we will travel the road together. Everyone has a story to tell, share your story because someone will be walking that same path beside you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen asked me if I'm happy today. He said, “are you happy today”. He asked me a question about my emotions. My baby asked me a question about my emotions. I told him he always makes me happy and I smiled. He said, “smile”. My baby saw my smile. He got that I smiled. He got that I was happy. And now my world forever has changed. It will be a moment I pray I never forget. He may have made this connection before but he wasn’t able to express it and I’m sure he is still trying to comprehend it all but he asked me. He’s been hyper all night and numerous moments of anxiety about a non-barking dog that wasn’t outside the window. I don’t know how to work through some of these moments with him. He has an extremely good memory and he can remember something that happened years ago. We saw our neighbor on the corner one day and her dog was barking. I do not know if this is what he is referencing but he will cry out about this dog on the corner that isn’t even there. The words, the connections, the emotions are all coming together. I’m thankful. Owen walked up to me reading every single word under a Disney video and all I could do was smile the smile that he knew was a smile. There my boy grows again. His emotions have been all over the map this week but so have mine. Together we are a team and together we will grow. Find your strength, believe in yourself, and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“Go put the milk up”, I said to Owen. He took it from me and off he went. He had gotten it out of the refrigerator so I could give him more. These steps are all so amazing and awesome to me. I’m trying to focus on the positives and the possibilities today and not the fact that my exhaustion is exhausted. He woke last night around two. He screamed and screamed and screamed some more. He was mad because he wasn’t going to see his teacher today. It was a vacation day for him and I tried to prepare him for it by telling him last night. I had a feeling this was a mistake but I’m trying to find ways to help him understand schedule changes. It did not go over well and at two in the morning he was expressing the way he could. He started screaming for his teacher and he didn’t want to go back to bed. When the screaming starts all I can think about is getting him calm. His screams rock me to my core and in the still of the night, I can only imagine how far they travel. I get to the point I beg him to stop. I explain to him that we are a team. We have to work together and screaming is not an option. When he was younger he screamed in the middle of the night more than he does now. My neighbors in the house next door would tell me they were sorry we had such a rough night. And I was thankful they understood and have always been very supportive of us. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking of all the struggles my sweet baby O has gone through. His connections to words and their meaning bring us one step closer to life skills that will help him through moments like these. All I can do is pray for those connections and words. The most exciting part of my day was hearing him answer math questions as I had him adding numbers to one. “One plus free ecos four”, he said and that equals my day made. Celebrate our victories and celebrate yours, no matter how big or small. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I’m thankful the dude has been sleeping more through the night. Owen wakes up happier, maybe with a little side of clinginess, but a better attitude. He generally doesn’t want me to do anything besides sit with him when he first wakes up. We have to ease into our day. I try to convince him I do a lot better easing into my day if I have coffee but he doesn’t quite understand the draw to it, yet. It seems like a pot of coffee only goes so far with me. He couldn’t stop moving tonight. Some days are like that. He kept running from the living room to the kitchen and back again. I wonder how my floor joists hold up from all the jumping. He was happy all night. I’ve been trying to focus on his dexterity and doing activities that will help him understand how his body works. Owen can’t count to ten holding each finger up corresponding with a number. He’s getting closer and closer though. I know it won’t be much longer. We’ve been working on this skill for years. When I ask him to count with me he takes his hands and he points to each finger, switching hands and counting to ten. I’ll take it. This used to bring huge screams and meltdowns from him. And sign language for years was something he didn’t even want to look at. If I showed him signs he would immediately push my hands down, running away screaming. Now he happily sings with me when I sign the alphabet or other words and songs he knows. The only word that he ever liked to sign or would even humor seeing was the word “more”. His therapist taught it to him so he would request more bubbles but he didn’t want to sign the word bubbles or anything else besides the one word. I’m still thankful for that one word, very very thankful. It gave me both hope and an understanding of how difficult it is for my baby to learn new skills, use them, and to deal with the emotions attached to those skills. I still remember the first time Owen held up the number one with his finger, without me prompting him. We were bowling and he said, “one more” holding up his finger. Tears fill my eyes still to this day. That was a huge moment in his life and a bigger one for me. Never give up. The hope is in tomorrow, the hope is in our future. Follow your heart, follow your dreams, and believe. Smiles to all and donut daze!
There are days Owen can’t even handle if I walk into the other room. I went into his bedroom, which he still calls “mommy’s room”, to put something away. I turned the light on, walked to his dresser, and before I could even open it he was screaming for me to “turn of de light”. I opened the drawer, told him not to turn the light off, and he was beside me closing the drawer before I could think through all the steps. He went back to the light trying to turn it off again and I told him that I would turn it off when I was done. This brought screams. I made him come back into the room to stand next to me. I told him that mommy has to have the light on sometimes and that I can’t always sit. The screams started again and I made him count to ten trying to keep the meltdown at bay. It was quickly going to be a meltdown if I didn’t sit. Meltdowns can last for hours and hours and hours and hours and days if I don’t stop the moving train. And once a meltdown starts it’s truly an emotional ride for both of us. Some meltdowns are only a few minutes but the other ones are exhausting. It’s hard to keep pushing forward when a meltdown is right on the verge and so I sit. We had goulash for dinner. When you are already overwhelmed it’s hard to remember to say use your spoon on every bite. He would much rather eat with his fingers but here he was switching between his left hand and right seamlessly. He’s never been a big beef eater but I think we might be turning that corner. He’s reading more words every day for me. I’m excited to see his progress. The journey with autism can be emotional but the joy comes every day when I see my child blooming. Never give up. Today is the first stepping stone to the growth of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
May 2024
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