At The Beginning Of Saturday

I wondered if anyone else could hear Owen’s screams. I was trying to breathe through them. We had to stop at the meltdown stoplight. He didn’t scream until we started driving away from it. I thought we might make it without a meltdown but that didn’t happen. I wish there was an easier way to get him from point A to point B. He screamed as we kept driving. I kept wondering who could hear his screams. As we drove past the grocery store he stopped screaming and says, “wanna go to Kroger or wanna go straight up let’s go to Kroger”. I kept driving, laughing almost hysterically, I suppose so I wouldn’t cry. I knew he really didn’t want to go to Kroger, but it distracted him from screaming for a moment. We only had about a mile until we would be home. When we got home we sat outside in the car for a few minutes before I even tried to get him out of his carseat. He had yelled all the rest of the way home, screaming directions at me as we went, squealing when I would stop or turn. Why, oh why is it so difficult for my baby. A thousand ways I would like to make the world calmer for Owen and in a thousand ways I know I can’t. My emotions sit heavy today. He had a great morning, but the last few days it’s like he has been in sensory overload. He can’t settle. Today has been no different. He slept great, waking early, asking for bowling, getting his blanket, and falling back asleep in my bed for a few more hours. When he woke he was happy. We went to breakfast with our family before we went bowling. He did great at breakfast, but couldn’t stop moving. When we got to bowling he was very emotional. He wants strikes and because of the way we bowl together we don’t have much control over the ball. I explained to him that he will learn how to control the ball and when he does he will get strikes. For today we count to ten when the ball only hits a few pins down. Through emotions I see growth and I know that together we can get through anything. Today is one moment in time. Keep pushing forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!