The hardest thing is the hardest thing. We never know what that is. Today was a hard day but it was also sprinkled with incredible growth, for both of us. Owen slept all night again. That feels like progress. I am still very thankful to Curious George for helping us with this process. I can’t believe Owen puts himself to sleep now and decided to do this all on his own. It’s truly unbelievable but it’s happening right before my very eyes. The morning started great he knew that he was going to go to see the doctor and then go to school after the rollercoaster ride of yesterday and him going back and forth as to whether he was going to school first or the doctor first. It was great to be able to talk to him about just going to his appointment. I fixed him breakfast and it sat there for quite some time and right when we got ready to leave is when he decided that he would eat. This is one of those things that seems to be a constant with his food. It doesn’t always get eaten right away even if he is sitting right in front of it. It’s all in good timing. We got ready and we were out the door. When we got to the doctor's office, he was ready to go inside. We got to the office and when we checked in, he kept trying to guess what the person’s name was. He now wants to name everybody and he will make up names, or say a name he knows. We went back to update his information and get his stats. He wanted the door close to the office that we were in. He always wants doors and windows shut unless he doesn’t want doors and windows shut but then he wants to make sure they are exactly where they should be. When the aid was taking his vital signs, he couldn’t sit for more than a few moments without moving so the aid could not get his vital signs and then it took longer because he had to do it all manually. I’m trying to get Owen to realize how he can calm himself in these situations and become a statue so he doesn’t have to move constantly. Once we were done with that, we waited for the doctor. These are the times when Owen has expectations for how the rest of the day will go. When the doctor walked in he did not have on blue pants like he did last time and this upset Owen. This is the reason we are there. Blue pants, blue pants, blue pants, and more blue pants, and more blue pants, and more blue pants. It’s hard, it’s hard, and it’s harder, add a little sad to that and then it’s sadder and then it’s hard and that doesn’t cover it but it covers some of the emotions that it’s hard. You don’t always know how to answer these questions for my son or help him through the moment or which way do you turn? Is it more of this, is it more of that, how to find a therapy that works, what are we doing, and each step becomes daunting because you don’t have the answers. Prayer, is what’s getting me through the days I feel for my son in a thousand ways and I don’t have the answers but I have the love. The appointment was very short. We talked to one doctor in not blue pants and then we had to consult with another doctor. Thankfully the first doctor found another specialist that was wearing blue pants. I can only imagine the emotions that sit heavy on my son’s heart every time he sees someone not wearing blue pants. I can’t imagine walking into a room and something like blue pants changes your whole day. All I can do is tell him I love him and hold him tighter. He was happy when we left and I got him to school. He wanted to make sure he got there before lunch so that he could go to the cafeteria and get chicken nuggets. I don’t know what he had for lunch but I know I got him to school on time for lunch. When he got home, he was filled with information. He kept talking to me about everything and anything, all of the things. It’s glorious to hear his words. It’s an amazing melody to my soul. He was playing all of his learning apps. He loaded a video with an app that was in Spanish and he sat there for probably thirty minutes listening to Spanish and reciting different words. I don’t know why I ever am surprised at all the things that he does because he’s incredible. Right before bedtime, he started saying his doctor's name and I could tell he was thinking about what happened today with him getting upset about blue pants. He said that he wanted to go see him in February and I told him that we weren’t going back until April but he had to be happy when we saw him again. I could tell that he was truly reflecting on this and as hard as all of it was those are the connections he needs to make. I try to explain to him that his emotions are valid. He doesn’t like when somebody isn’t in blue pants because it is hard for him to process or look at, or it doesn’t reflect what he needs that to be. All of those things are valid, but if he cannot break past and push forward on it then he can’t see people and go places. Blue pants aren’t going away and they aren’t going to be something that everyone wears. If he wants to go someplace and see someone that he really likes then he has to get over blue pants. It’s not an easy task to get over something, it’s not an easy task to move through something to put it out of our minds, but he has to push through it and today felt like progress. I feel like he is getting somewhere with it and those emotions are valid. He can’t have a meltdown over it and be crying for hours afterward, he has to let it go, and that breaks my heart too because that’s so hard for him to transition into a moment. I’ll take the victory for today. We both made progress. I can remind him of his choices, and I can remind him that others have choices, or have to wear what they wear because of a job or what they’re doing, but I see growth in these moments. Count your victories, no matter how big or small they are count them all. In daily life, there are hard moments, but it’s how we smile through them, and how we move past them that leads us to more victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!

To say, my child amazes me is an understatement. However, you would think that I was used to this, but I’m not he still amazes me constantly, and today was like no other. Some days my walking and talking are more like sitting and staying. It feels like I’m in slow motion some days even though I’m doing tons of things. Owen got in bed with me at some point but thankfully went back to sleep. I’m not sure if it was something else outside that woke him or if he just woke and came to me. As soon as I got out of bed to go to the bathroom, he immediately started saying, “white bed white bed.” It’s hard for him to process that I’m getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. There are days that he will scream at me if I try to go to the bathroom at any point during the day. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and it changes constantly but can also stay the same. Something that I thought was gone will come back in the middle of a day or a moment in time totally out of the blue and here it is again. He then cycles through this behavior until it’s gone, and then it comes back again. The morning went quickly and then we went to wait for the bus. His vocabulary is constantly increasing. I’m thankful for those words and his communication skills. I told him that tomorrow we would be going to a doctor’s appointment for him and he immediately was concerned about going to school. I told him that he would go to the doctor first and then he would go to school later. This was still a concern for him, and when he came home from school, it continued to be a concern for him all through the night. He asked me numerous times when he was going to go to school and when he was going to go to his appointment. He was not pleased that I said he was going to go to the doctor first and then to school. He reiterated several times that he wanted to go to school first and then to the doctor's appointment. I told him that our appointment was the first one in the morning and then I would take him to school. As I was thinking and saying something out loud I mentioned again about him being late to school and he got really upset. He wanted to know the order again and then when I said it, he wanted to make sure he was going to get back to school to see his friends and go to lunch so he could eat chicken. This is hard and emotional because he has rules and emotions attached to this. I don’t want to make it harder on him, but we also can’t just do his everyday routine every day. He spent a lot of time downloading apps that he hadn’t used in years. He knew the long picture card password from years ago. It was pictured he had to get in order. I don’t know why I’m amazed but I was completely amazed at how well he did with this. The nighttime sped by. Tonight’s prayer was “dear God thank you Amen.” I let him say what’s on his heart. When we talk about prayer, I let him know that it’s about his emotions and his thankfulness or what he wants to talk about with God. I told him God understands that he is a miracle and he can talk about anything. He fell asleep quicker than most nights. I know he was very concerned with his tomorrow and what the order would be. It’s hard to explain how routine is only routine until it’s not. This is a constantly changing momentum and going to the doctor is not something unusual but for him is not routine. Thankfully, he does love going to see his different doctors. It’s just a matter of why and when and how we’re going to get back to his classroom. I’m thankful the connections are forming and I’m proud that he has come so far. Today is the first step to the rest of your life. Miracles don’t always happen overnight, and that one precise moment is the gift in this journey that gets you through all its challenges that make the victories become that much sweeter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes our wake-up feels very early even though it’s regular time. I don’t know when 5 o’clock in the morning became regular time but that’s what we’re at. Thankfully Owen woke up in a good Sunday mood. Before we left for church our interactions were already in full bloom. He wanted me to play his games with him and kept running up to me to give me a hug. Technically what he was doing is trying to sniff my hair and put it in his mouth but I’m trying to refocus his energy on hugging instead. The morning went fast and then it was time to get ready to go to church. He kept telling me to go to the “white bed” and when he tells me this, it means that he is not ready to do something and has to think about it. I told him if I didn’t get up, we couldn’t go to church. I walk him through the steps hoping this will help him. When he went to put his shoes on before he really even got going, he started squealing about not being able to put them on. He puts them on every day, and yet some days, most days he struggles with them. It’s more about his fine motor skills and not wanting to do something than it is about him actually not being able to accomplish the task. Even though he cries for help I need to wait it out, breathe, and then help him. The calm doesn’t always come for him, for me, if the task is difficult or doesn’t stay exactly routine. When something like the tongue of his shoe doesn’t go in the same direction he is doing it the screams begin. He needs things to be consistent throughout the whole process, but I must wait for him to grow. It’s hard to hear the screams and not immediately go to him and do the steps for him so he will stop screaming. He said, “mmm hmm” to one of my questions. I love when he says words that he feels and expressions of his own emotions. He can also be hard when he says certain things. “Owen eats grass,” he said. In general, he doesn’t eat grass, but he often says things like this where he’s not really doing what he says. This is hard because you want to believe in your child’s words and let them know they are important but you want to also make sure they understand that you were listening and they need to tell the truth. It’s hard because he says it’s so matter-of-factly but yet I know that it’s not something he purposely does or truly does. I could almost imagine at some point that he probably laid down on the ground and plonked a piece of grass in his mouth but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he has done it either. However, I know that his words are important and I want him to understand that his words need to be truthful when he is speaking to others. This is a hard lesson to learn and explain, especially when I am thankful for every single word. When he got ready for bed I told him we needed to say our prayers. He said, “Dear God, happy birthday Amen.” He struggled with going to sleep but once he did, he was sound asleep before he fell asleep he kept running to me and then running to the living room and talking out loud and reciting different words in different languages. I pray that tonight is. I am thankful for his progress, and I am glad that today was another good day with only a side of struggle. Believe in the importance of happiness and know that even through your challenges, it will inspire you to grow and find your motivation. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen had a great night once he fell asleep. He struggled for sleep to come but he is still putting himself to bed. He woke up and went right to the bathroom on his own. I love these little victories. He was hyper and wanted everything right away but otherwise, he did great. He was very calm about not seeing grandma today. He asked a couple of times but then moved forward. He wanted to go to the “big slides” and some of our church friends asked us to go to breakfast so I asked him as soon as we got up if he wanted to go to breakfast with them. I talked to him about it last night but sometimes he needs to process it. It’s not always easy for him to make decisions or to say how he feels about something. I want him to understand sometimes we have choices and sometimes we have to do things we don’t always want to do. This is hard for him because going places can be sensory-related, a timing issue, or numerous other factors that can cause it to be hard on him. Also, if I then push him to go someplace he doesn’t want to or can’t process he won’t be able to handle it and generally has meltdowns over this. When I asked him the first time he said, “no” so I started to walk away. He almost immediately said, “yes go to breakfast.” This was big because he answered and then changed his mind but the key was his words. He wasn’t just saying no to yes he was processing it. There are many times he says the opposite of what he means and goes back and forth laughing about it. As the morning went on I asked him a couple more times because I wanted to solidify those connections with him. Each time he answered after that it was with a “yes.” I also knew not to rush our morning. He kept telling me to go to the “white bed” and this means he needs more time to process the morning. We went to breakfast with our friends and he did amazing. He ate everything in sight and then asked to go to “big Donald’s” after we left. I’m not sure why he stopped calling them all McDonald’s except maybe that it is based on their location names now. We went home for a little while and then went to the big slides after they opened. He spent most of his time jumping on the trampoline, running away from the trampoline, looking for Santa in all the closets that he wasn’t supposed to be in, and laying at the top of one of the platforms. He did well in general however he told one person to leave because of their pants. He fell when getting out of the trampoline area and then he decided to practice falling so he did that multiple times. He then said, “did you fall I’m ok” and he would get up and run off. He wanted his BeatBo robot to be there so he searched for it while he was looking for Santa and then when we left he told me he was going to read to it when he got home. He’s always filled with tidbits of information and he randomly said, “that’s not a monkey that’s a chimpanzee.” God sings a song in me and I rejoice in knowing I’m saved. Through our challenges our victories are that much sweeter and today felt like a lot of victories. Take time for yourself, celebrate your victories, and know that both are important. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Thankfully, the sleep train is still in motion. Curious George may not be the only one that is influencing this red blanket thing. Owen continues to find other characters that go to sleep with blankets so now he’s been looking at Pinocchio and Donald Duck and reading their stories about bedtime. I find it fascinating that he is interested in bedtime stories with all of the different characters. Having that connection to these characters is very helpful for our nights and I’ll take all the help I can get. This morning went quickly. Once he woke up we had a few moments of trying to figure out what we should be doing but once that was settled, it was right to the switch light coffee routine. He giggled and giggled and giggled when he was laying next to me in bed. He was laughing at one of the characters on the screen. His laughter makes my heart sing. We got ready and went to wait for the bus. Once again, he was king of asking the questions of Siri. I’m always amazed at how much he truly knows already how to say in the other languages yet he continues to ask Siri for more of the same. I cannot comprehend how many languages he possibly knows. One of these days I know he’ll be able to tell me what he understands, and what he can actually speak but for now I will stay amazed. When he came home from school, he was in a good mood but he was questioning everything. He’s not going to get to see his grandma tomorrow. Her story is that she fell out of a hot air balloon and she’s sticking to it. She says it’s much more exciting than what happened but it will take her a while to recover. Hopefully, she will start to feel better soon. I told Owen that grandma got hurt and that he couldn’t go see her tomorrow. When he came home from school, he wanted to make sure what his days ahead were going to be like. He knew he wasn’t going to get to see her so he started plotting what other activities he would be doing for the next few days. He decided that he wanted to go to the big slides, ride a tractor, go to Chuck E. Cheese, and have pizza. I told him that we couldn’t do all of those, but we could choose something and we will probably go to breakfast. So far he said no for the breakfast, but that could quickly change in the morning. He continues to delete the YouTube app and then reinstall it but for whatever reason, he decided to not put the microphone back and won’t let me. Then when I try to reinstall the microphone and use it for him, he then gets really upset and shuts down the app. I’m not sure why he is doing this because he wants me to use the voice-activated option all of the time and then now that he’s been deleting the app he wants to not have that as an option. He wants me to constantly type it in as he says the words. Even though Curious George is now in control of our bedtime he is still struggling in the last week to go to sleep within a reasonable amount of time. Tonight when he went to bed, it took him several hours to fall asleep, and he got up numerous times. He then told me he did not want my light on and turned it off, but he has his light on in his room and so I asked him if he wanted me to turn his light off. He said he wanted to leave it on so he came back to my room and turned my light back on. I like that he’s making these connections to the rules and routine and what he expects out of me. I’m praying that he sleeps tonight. Friday nights are generally hard, to begin with, and knowing he’s not going to get to see his grandma tomorrow is another hard thing for him. Thankfully, he does want to do other things and hopefully, that will keep his mind off of not being able to see grandma. I’m thankful for his connections and I’m thankful that he is growing and learning. The journey is not always the easiest but the love sure is. Follow your heart, dream big, and know that you can make a difference in the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I was thankful for the sleep last night. Owen didn’t wake up until it was time to go to school. The same light switch to bed journey was on the agenda. He waited patiently for me to get my coffee and then off to the races we ran. He did pretty well in the morning for us to get ready and get out the door. We stood there waiting for the bus and he asked Siri tons of questions. He wanted to know how to say “gorilla, gorilla gorilla in Arabic.” He laughed as soon as she said the words. His vocabulary is truly increasing. It is amazing to watch how this is changing for him. When his bus came around the corner, he was so excited to go to school. I went to pick him up for therapy and he was talking so much about his school and what he wanted to do. He told me before we even left the building that he wanted to go back to the library. He kept mentioning the books and what he wanted. When we walked outside, he told me that he wanted to go into the cafeteria and sing in front of the crowd. I love his connection to books and music. He wanted me to once again go in with his therapy. It went well, but he was distracted by a few people not wearing blue pants. His new phrases is to say “elephants eat peanuts with Goofy” when he gets distracted by people's non-blue pants and this is also his phrase for anything that he doesn’t want to answer or that he has answered wrong. When we left there, he told me he wanted to go to “the little Donald’s” and then “the big Donald’s,” and then finally decided on the McDonald’s that we went to. We were going to the McDonald’s that was closest to us, but he had to go through all of the choices of where we could go. He knew exactly what he wanted but I tried to convince him that he wanted to try the fish sandwich but he did not and I didn’t push it. Once we got up to the window he gets very upset because he doesn’t want them to have their window open and he doesn’t want the window of the car open but he wants his food through the windows, but I don’t know how to convince him that he has to get the food through the window, the exact same window he wants closed. He watches a video that says a mother’s love, and he always comes up to me and tells me that “he’s mother’s love.” He was talking to me about different things he was doing and I said, “I don’t care” meaning it was fine if he did it. That became his phrase for the night and he ran through the house yelling “I don’t care.” It was funny to hear him yelling “I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care.” It was more of a sarcastic tone than I hadn’t heard him use before. The words that I use are always extremely important because they are words that I will most likely hear, over and over and over again and he doesn’t always understand what they mean and that tone and when you say the words will matter. I wasn’t saying the phrase in a mean way, but it’s easily interpreted in many different ways and this can become confusing for Owen. Thankfully, he thought it was funny and kept saying it. I’m not sure how he will interpret it from that point on. “More milk please,” he said as I poured milk in his cup, that I knew he wouldn’t drink. He wanted it in his cup before he went to bed. He never wants to have an empty cup. Forward we march. I feel like today was filled with lots of progress. There were moments we stumbled, but the progress was amazing. I loved hearing him say that he wanted to go to the library and sing at school. These were two things that made my day. Hold onto the moments that make your heart sing. Find your joy and share it with the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The days seem to all blend together. I was thankful Owen slept through the night and woke up in order. Sometimes I feel like we are all out of order and if we don’t do our steps in the right order we have to start all over again. Routine, rules, order, or routine order, rules, or order rules routine, and the list and direction all make a difference or so it feels. But today felt like the right order for our morning and it went pretty smoothly. We both woke a little early and we both wanted the coffeepot to crank out that magical juice a little quicker but otherwise we were both happy. He sat in bed with me laughing at his tablet and talking to me about his days ahead. When it was time to get ready the word “mostly” sticks in my mind. He mostly listened and mostly got dressed on his own. When we went outside to wait for the bus I was anxious. It was raining. Thankfully we have been working on the rain and standing on the porch out of the elements. Both of these things are hard for us. Harder than harder. Hard, hard. Like really hard but huge progress is being made. I started worrying if I should get our umbrella but then I thought it won’t help the process we just have to get through the rain on our clothes and maybe that will help us move forward on different things. He was distracted by asking Siri lots of questions about how to say words in all the languages. “Buffalo buffalo buffalo in French,” he said, laughing as she pronounced each word. Not much longer and his bus came around the corner, and his smile washed across his face. He came home with his attitude in full force. Sometimes if he has a really good day at school, he comes home and everything just goes into motion for him and today was one of those days. We did our breathing exercises and he started to calm down. He wanted to take BeatBo to the North Pole to see another robot. Then he told me he needed to build another robot so he needed a screwdriver. As the night went on he got much calmer. He has been screaming more lately and tonight was no different but I think he is going through a phase of backtracking. He is circling through his old responses and apps, playing games, he hasn’t played in over a year. He is constantly pushing the airplane button on his tablet which disables the Wi-Fi and then he screams that the Wi-Fi is not available. He also deletes apps and then wants them immediately back on like YouTube. He doesn’t understand that when he turns off something or deletes an app that it can change the properties, and we have to reinstall or add them back in depending on the app. He cried when he could not get back to the Internet. He deleted YouTube added it back in and then he kept pushing the airplane, so it was turning off the Wi-Fi, and not letting him go to the things that he wanted to go to. I finally added the app back on and fixed all the settings, and he was fine. I’ve been trying to get him to take his shirt off differently for years. The one he had on he couldn’t get off his way. He said help and I pulled his shirt down. I told him to try it the way I always tell him to do it and it came off without a problem. Maybe he will start trying it my way. He had a lot for dinner tonight when he hadn’t been eating as well in a while and so I was glad to see that. After his bath, he struggled to go to sleep tonight. His toenail was bothering him, and then he wanted to lay on the floor and just everything was something so he finally fell asleep, but it wasn’t until later than he normally does. The last few days have been really hard. I’ve missed my brother and I’ve struggled with not being able to talk to him. I wanted him to share in our victories over the last few days and talk to him about my challenges of the things that I’ve been going through. Grief doesn’t fade away in an instant. It took you years, months, days to get to know that person, and here they are gone in an instant so grief doesn’t end when that ends there’s a lifetime of memories that hold you rooted in the ground and no magic amount of time will take your pain away. I remind myself that he would tell me to just keep putting one foot in front of the other so I’m putting one foot in front of the other with some tears in my eyes but I’m moving forward. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. We always need to remind ourselves that today is a moment in time. Keep looking, keep reaching, keep striving for a better moment, a better day. And be kind to yourself when some days feel hard to keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The screaming. The constant voicing of his emotions through the high-pitched tones echoes through my mind. Owen gets super excited about something he is doing and this guttural scream comes out. It roars through my head. He’s happy as a lark about whatever he is doing but he won’t use his words. The sounds he made tonight are part of the joy he is expressing for the victory the little panda is experiencing on his screen. My reminder to use his words is met with more screams and an “I love you” over his shoulder as he laughs at the panda again. I have to focus. The older he gets the louder the noises are. The jumping makes the whole house shake. Having a house with a basement does not help the echoes and there are places in our house where he loves jumping and screaming more. Maybe it’s louder echoes or the way the walls vibrate that keeps him jumping in those places. He went to sleep relatively quickly last night with the new CG plan in place. I figured Curious George needed a fancy name or for me to use his initials or something. Whatever he is called he is helping. Owen did wake up about halfway through the night but went back to sleep quickly once he got into bed with me. When morning came he didn’t want me to get up to go to the bathroom. I tried to explain my body doesn’t give me a choice. Plus, I needed my coffee. We had a good morning and it went by quickly and in no time he was off to school with a fast lesson of words in Arabic. French and Arabic seem to be the go-to languages right now. I’m not sure why he decided this but French was a big deal for him today. It seems like he will be reading to me in other languages soon. I’m pretty sure he can do it now but he is not completely confident in his reading ability but the more books we read in English I’m sure it will increase for the other languages as well. I’m starting to see more connections and an understanding of bodily functions. This feels huge and I’m so glad. It’s all the stuff I know happens but I don’t want to think about it. It took years to get through potty training and sometimes it’s still a rocky road so for him to be making more connections is glorious. His teeth coming in have probably moved up to the top choice of what he is concerned about. I know he feels every movement and he tells me every time. I am trying to convince him not to bite his tablet. I keep telling him if he stops biting it that will help them to not fall out. I’m never sure what to attempt to explain and what’s going to make it more complicated. I think his teeth and my explaining anything make it more complicated. I’m thankful his dentist is amazing with him and as importantly with me. Bedtime was surprisingly fast. Once I said to him that he would not get his tablet tomorrow if he did not get ready for bed, he immediately turned off the lights, got ready for bed, and was asleep in no time. I’m thankful for his growth and how far he has come. Every day we have a choice to push forward. The hardest part is the hardest part. Some days the challenges feel overwhelming, but we must push through and find our happiness. Share your story, share mine, and understand that we will get through this together. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep is a glorious thing but I never know when sleep is going to disappear again. I feel as though we are on an upward trend. Owen slept all night and woke up in a good mood. He had a little bit of an attitude, but who doesn’t at 5 o’clock in the morning? For some reason, he had babies on his mind, all the babies. Babies that cry, baby animals, and those who had babies were all topics. But then when I asked him who he knew that had a baby he only laughed and wouldn’t answer. We know several babies so I’m not sure if this was what got him thinking about it or if there was something else. It’s interesting how different Saturdays and Sundays are versus all the other days of the week. Owen will come and get in bed with me Monday through Friday before school and we spend time together laughing and playing on his tablet. On the weekends he gets up and it’s a little more relaxed time but food is the topic that usually comes first. During the week he gets breakfast at school unless he asks for something before he leaves. Food is a whole other subject. It’s amazing how many different foods he eats, but he also has rules and routines that are subjected to his food choices. There are certain foods that he only wants to eat at certain locations and this is always interesting. He also eats foods depending on the person he’s with, but he still eats a wide variety of foods for being a kid and having a lot of sensory issues with food. Smells, textures, and temperatures can all be big things for him. And it doesn’t only have to be his food it can be food that I’m eating. He was in a good mood when he came home from school and he knew he was going to his vision therapy today. He was eating his snack before we left and he said, “I’m going to eat grass I don’t eat grass who eats grass.” These are the conversations we have. He went to the bathroom before we went to therapy but he wouldn’t come out of the bathroom. He wasn’t going to the bathroom he was just standing there. I asked him if he had to go but he just stood so I finally convinced him to come out of the bathroom and he laughed. I called the office because I wanted them to know we would be there right at our appointment time but we were on our way. Thankfully all of the places we go understand that time is not always something we understand or work well with and we may be late. Thankfully now that he doesn’t have quite as many meltdowns we aren’t as late that often. When we got home from his therapy it was a whirlwind. He was in a good mood but extremely hyper and very sensitive. His screams were loud and the more excited he got the more he jumped and that shakes the whole house. You never really feel like you can relax because you are constantly moving because he is constantly moving. I can only imagine what his body goes through. I try to work on calming techniques with him every day and I see him learning to use them when he wants to. It will come together for him and I’m thankful. And throw into the mix that he keeps saying he’s going to “lose a tooth it’s growing in” and that’s one more hard thing for him. He feels all the movements of his adult teeth coming in. This morning when we were waiting for the bus he wanted Alexa to translate into French. When he was eating his dinner he wanted me to add a French version of a letters app to his tablet but I couldn’t figure out all the instructions because it was in French. I told him I was sorry I would have to translate it to see the steps to download it and if it costs anything. I got up to get something to drink and he loaded his French app and played it. I would say he knows a few words in French and success was had. I’m thankful for a good day with only a side of a few challenges. When all else fails succeed at something else. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen had another great night and was ready for “church church church in Arabic” as soon as he got up. He wanted his tablet before he went to the bathroom but quickly realized he needed to go before he even asked. It was early this morning but at least he slept all night if five in the morning is considered all night and for us it seems to be. I was thankful the happy train came to visit. His appetite finally seems to be coming back. He ate all his breakfast quickly and asked for more. He hadn’t done that in a while. He asked for a letters and numbers game. He said that he pulls letters out of a bag and there are colors yellow, orange, pink, and red. Then he told me to “order it.” I asked him to show it to me but he couldn’t figure out where to look for it on the internet so it may be from school or from one of his therapy sessions. I’ll ask his teacher or therapists if it’s something they have used with him. He may have seen it on a video but hasn’t figured out how to find the video again. Sometimes it takes him a few days to find a way to explain this to me. It sounds similar to games that he has played with his therapists but not I’m not sure what it would be. I can see how he is taking what his speech teacher is teaching him with the sounds and shapes his mouth makes, and applying them with his changing his face and pronouncing his words. I’m thankful for all of his therapists and what they do for him. He was so happy to go to church. And so was I. He was happy all morning. He remained pretty calm when we got there. I had my own distractions going as well. He told one of the ladies she had to “wear blue pants tomorrow” and wouldn’t look at her. I made sure when we left that he told her he was sorry. I reiterated to him that his emotions were important but I want him to understand that so is the person that made their choice to wear what they wanted or even that sometimes they can’t choose what they wear. I talk to him about people that have to wear a uniform of some type don’t get to make the choice. I hope that at some point he will understand this better. We got his chicken nuggets, cheeseburger, and french fries and we headed home. He wanted the food but he’s not always fast in eating. He did some of the steps I always have him do when we come home but he only wanted to follow a portion of them. He finally got around to eating his food. He asked Alexa for “this old man by eyelash baby in Arabic.” Sometimes I’m not sure where his requests come from. We had a quiet rest of the evening. He told me his Fisher Price BeatBo robot had to go back to the North Pole and he wanted to build a new one. I remember the days it used to upset him when I would put my glasses on top of my head. I do this a lot now when I’m working on my computer but now he is used to it, somewhat. Occasionally he will push them down to my nose but mostly he ignores them. He got into his bed after selecting the right pajamas for sleep. This can take us a while. He went to bed on his own, then got up to make sure I was in my bed and instead of going to his bed he went to the couch and promptly fell asleep. I heard him but he had made a noise in his room so I thought he stayed there. He was asleep on the couch in minutes. When I went to check on him I saw he had me fooled by the noise. I got him to his room and he was back asleep incredibly quickly. I’m thankful for the progress on a rollercoaster day. In faith we build the desire to do what’s next, we build the confidence, we build the hope. Find your passion and build your dream with the confidence through your faith. Smiles to all and donut daze!