The hardest thing is the hardest thing. We never know what that is. Today was a hard day but it was also sprinkled with incredible growth, for both of us. Owen slept all night again. That feels like progress. I am still very thankful to Curious George for helping us with this process. I can’t believe Owen puts himself to sleep now and decided to do this all on his own. It’s truly unbelievable but it’s happening right before my very eyes. The morning started great he knew that he was going to go to see the doctor and then go to school after the rollercoaster ride of yesterday and him going back and forth as to whether he was going to school first or the doctor first. It was great to be able to talk to him about just going to his appointment. I fixed him breakfast and it sat there for quite some time and right when we got ready to leave is when he decided that he would eat. This is one of those things that seems to be a constant with his food. It doesn’t always get eaten right away even if he is sitting right in front of it. It’s all in good timing. We got ready and we were out the door. When we got to the doctor's office, he was ready to go inside. We got to the office and when we checked in, he kept trying to guess what the person’s name was. He now wants to name everybody and he will make up names, or say a name he knows. We went back to update his information and get his stats. He wanted the door close to the office that we were in. He always wants doors and windows shut unless he doesn’t want doors and windows shut but then he wants to make sure they are exactly where they should be. When the aid was taking his vital signs, he couldn’t sit for more than a few moments without moving so the aid could not get his vital signs and then it took longer because he had to do it all manually. I’m trying to get Owen to realize how he can calm himself in these situations and become a statue so he doesn’t have to move constantly. Once we were done with that, we waited for the doctor. These are the times when Owen has expectations for how the rest of the day will go. When the doctor walked in he did not have on blue pants like he did last time and this upset Owen. This is the reason we are there. Blue pants, blue pants, blue pants, and more blue pants, and more blue pants, and more blue pants. It’s hard, it’s hard, and it’s harder, add a little sad to that and then it’s sadder and then it’s hard and that doesn’t cover it but it covers some of the emotions that it’s hard. You don’t always know how to answer these questions for my son or help him through the moment or which way do you turn? Is it more of this, is it more of that, how to find a therapy that works, what are we doing, and each step becomes daunting because you don’t have the answers. Prayer, is what’s getting me through the days I feel for my son in a thousand ways and I don’t have the answers but I have the love. The appointment was very short. We talked to one doctor in not blue pants and then we had to consult with another doctor. Thankfully the first doctor found another specialist that was wearing blue pants. I can only imagine the emotions that sit heavy on my son’s heart every time he sees someone not wearing blue pants. I can’t imagine walking into a room and something like blue pants changes your whole day. All I can do is tell him I love him and hold him tighter. He was happy when we left and I got him to school. He wanted to make sure he got there before lunch so that he could go to the cafeteria and get chicken nuggets. I don’t know what he had for lunch but I know I got him to school on time for lunch. When he got home, he was filled with information. He kept talking to me about everything and anything, all of the things. It’s glorious to hear his words. It’s an amazing melody to my soul. He was playing all of his learning apps. He loaded a video with an app that was in Spanish and he sat there for probably thirty minutes listening to Spanish and reciting different words. I don’t know why I ever am surprised at all the things that he does because he’s incredible. Right before bedtime, he started saying his doctor's name and I could tell he was thinking about what happened today with him getting upset about blue pants. He said that he wanted to go see him in February and I told him that we weren’t going back until April but he had to be happy when we saw him again. I could tell that he was truly reflecting on this and as hard as all of it was those are the connections he needs to make. I try to explain to him that his emotions are valid. He doesn’t like when somebody isn’t in blue pants because it is hard for him to process or look at, or it doesn’t reflect what he needs that to be. All of those things are valid, but if he cannot break past and push forward on it then he can’t see people and go places. Blue pants aren’t going away and they aren’t going to be something that everyone wears. If he wants to go someplace and see someone that he really likes then he has to get over blue pants. It’s not an easy task to get over something, it’s not an easy task to move through something to put it out of our minds, but he has to push through it and today felt like progress. I feel like he is getting somewhere with it and those emotions are valid. He can’t have a meltdown over it and be crying for hours afterward, he has to let it go, and that breaks my heart too because that’s so hard for him to transition into a moment. I’ll take the victory for today. We both made progress. I can remind him of his choices, and I can remind him that others have choices, or have to wear what they wear because of a job or what they’re doing, but I see growth in these moments. Count your victories, no matter how big or small they are count them all. In daily life, there are hard moments, but it’s how we smile through them, and how we move past them that leads us to more victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.