Maybe it’s repeat and rinse. Owen woke again by three and then thankfully the tablet tv talk was taken with action and this time he got into bed with me. After me convincing him that he had plenty of room on the other side of the bed he quickly fell back asleep. Me, not so much. He wanted to stay in bed once he was in my bed. He was ready to go to school though but didn’t want to do the steps to get there. Once we got outside to wait for the bus he wanted to ask Siri to translate that he was going to the park with his friends. My house had other plans though. The plumber was coming. And my house doesn’t do anything tiny. He was here for hours. When Owen came home he was still here and he immediately saw his van outside. This doesn’t always mean someone is at our house but he thinks it does and today he was right. I told him it was the plumber and he said, “plumber plunges with a plunger.” Say that ten times fast. He wanted to see him and he wanted him to be in blue pants. I told him plumbers don’t wear blue pants. He repeated that several times and then said to the guy “we don’t talk about you not blue pants.” I got one of those tiny pumpkins for him and when he came home from school I had it sitting on the table. He was excited. He said, “pumpkin soup we can make pumpkin soup.” I said do you want to make some and he said, “no we can make a pumpkin pie.” I said, “do you want to make a pumpkin pie.” He said, “no.” I said we could cut it open and put a candle in it or paint it. He said, “no soup.” So it’s sitting in the exact same spot where I put it because I tried to move it and he thought we were going to open it. He did well when the plumber was here but he was certainly ready for him to leave. He asked me to change numerous times and was concerned that he was not a plumber that wore blue but “we don’t talk about plumber no wear blue.” I asked him if he still wanted to go to the park when he left and he stated, “mommy change” which meant “nopedy nope.” The rest of the night was calm except for the twenty or so times he checked on my bed to make sure there was nothing extra on it. He is ready to see grandma tomorrow and she’s ready to see him too. We stood in our kitchen singing the octopus song I made up with him and he got close to doing all the hand motions. So much growth is happening right before my very eyes. I’m thankful and I’m proud. He fell asleep all curled up in his blanket and I pray for sleep tonight. We shouldn’t settle for what life isn’t about and instead create the dreams that we want life to be about. My dream came true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Rinse repeat. That’s where I feel we are at with the sleeping thing but I’m getting stern. And being stern ruffles my own feathers. It’s hard sticking to discipline when discipline is met with a constant wave of questions and emotions thrown at you for as long as the discipline is in action. Owen woke around three and he did not want to go back to bed. He chose to keep his tablet until I went and took them all. I still haven’t given him the remote back yet. It was almost five by the time he laid down and it wouldn’t be much longer until it was time for him to wake up. He wanted his tablet again and I told him that he couldn’t have it before school because of his behavior in the middle of the night. I told him he could do anything else so he brought a book to me and started reading. Mission accomplished I thought. He read another one and then he ran off to play but kept coming to me to tell me he wanted his tablet. I told him I kinda knew. When we got outside to wait for the bus he wanted Siri to translate a sentence about the tractor instead of his usual request for milk being translated into phrases. I thought it was wonderful progress. He knew that it was therapy day and “mommy going to pick me up” is what he kept saying over and over again woven between the other phrases he wanted me to request from Siri. I kept wondering if he was worried we would be going on a trip again and miss his favorite day. Over the last few days, I’ve spent numerous hours researching my theories about Owen’s hearing and visual responses to the blue pants. Today I got a call back from his eye doctor and it helped so much with my prescriptive. I keep thinking about how he looks at my clothes and it creates happiness if I’m wearing what he wants but if I’m not it creates anxiety and meltdowns. So to me, the visual response creates the meltdowns. It’s like it causes the reaction in his brain to process the information. It sits in there like a train wreck waiting to cause the stimuli. There is still much more research to be done but I feel like we are getting closer. When you think there is no hope turn one more stone over. Never give up. There is hope. When I picked him up from school I talked to his teacher about everything and she was going to look up the different therapies available that might help him. He had wonderful therapy sessions and wanted to go “ride the tractor with Goofy” again. I told him we could ride the tractor but I’m not sure if Goofy would be there. He did amazing and only wanted to sit on the red one with the squeaky seat. He immediately told me “take it with you.” I told him we couldn’t today but maybe one day he would own one. The night went quickly and he was asleep before his head was even on the pillow. I hope he sleeps tonight and has a great Friday. We might go to the park tomorrow before the rain is supposed to hit tomorrow night or Saturday. I’m thankful for a team that supports us with all of the challenges we face and the victories we win. Even in the storm, the sun will begin to shine. Today may be filled with those challenges but it makes the victories that much sweeter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes the load feels heavy but the victories will carry us through. Yesterday was a great day and I’ll hold it close to my heart. Owen woke around three and we repeated the dance we had yesterday only it didn’t go as smoothly. I took all his tablets and all the remote controls for the tv and finally let him figure out he needed to go back to bed. And he did. I once again was in and out trying to find the calm to sleep. He was very excited to take his animal cards to his teacher. He told me which animals they were and he was happy about it. Sometimes it takes him a while to process everything. When he got off the bus he immediately said he was going to see his doctor. We had discussed it in the morning before he left and he was very excited. I always try to make him understand these appointments are used to help us and doctors and other people are very important for our health. I don’t want him to be scared of them. Then when we came inside he saw his Spider-Man blanket on the couch. He ran to it touched it and said, “Spider-Man bed treasure.” He then went to his treasure chest and said, “it’s a treasure lock it with a key it’s the best treasure ever.” After we took off his seatbelt and discussed his snack he got his tablet and immediately went to the video of the lady with the animal flip cards that he made his from. How he always finds exactly what video he wants amazes me since he watches so many different videos. I got him a snack and we had a little bit of time before we left for our appointment. Blue pants strikes again. My heart just aches. He was so upset when his doctor didn’t walk in with blue pants. He had the crocodile tears falling and told her she needed to leave. It makes me want to cry too. She wanted to cry. We don’t have answers. She is getting our referral ready for the next steps and hopefully, we can find something that will help calm his mind. I asked him if he could tell me what it is about them and he can’t process that yet so we try to keep moving forward. He was calm the rest of the night but I didn’t try to ruffle our feathers or do things that would upset him. He was asleep very quickly so I know he was extremely tired and I hope he sleeps all night. I pray for peace for my baby. His big laughter is what I’m holding on to. I’m thankful for his smile. Today is a gift and tomorrow is for our victory. Find your strength and keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!

What a day. To quote Owen “rollercoaster.” He got up by four and started playing with his tablet and turned the tv on. I told him he needed to go back to bed or he wouldn’t get to go to school or ride a tractor. He got into bed with me and then decided to go back to his bed. I told him if he turned the tv on or took his tablet he wouldn’t have them when he came home from school. It worked. He slept until after five in his bed. Me, I didn’t go back to sleep but with him it was progress. In the last week, he has said a couple of times “animals in the bag” and pointed to his backpack but I didn't understand. Today he said, “animal cards in backpack.” It finally dawned on me he wanted to send his animal cards he made to his teacher again. I didn't put it together until we were waiting on the bus. I asked him if he wanted to send the animal cards again and he said, “snake in the bag.” So tomorrow I am going to send his animal cards with him. I told his teacher. She was excited and said she would share them again in their morning meeting. I love that he made that connection to taking them. I told him while we were waiting for the bus that we would go to see the tractor today but when he got home he couldn’t say anything about my clothes or we wouldn’t go. He got off the bus and immediately said, “tractor” and looked at my pants but didn’t say a word. We got inside and I showed him the animal cards. He said, “gorilla” and off they went to his backpack. Talk about a boy on a mission. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with them. He knew he was going to “eat a snack and then go to the tractor with Goofy.” I told him we would go but he probably wouldn’t see Goofy. We were off. We went into the garden center and he said hi to the lady so I asked her if it was okay if he sat on the lawnmower. She told me that it was fine and they may have some inside too. We walked past the pumpkin display and Owen said, “it’s time for pumpkin soup.” I don’t know that he has ever had pumpkin soup but I’m going to make sure he has some this year. We walked through the store and back out to the front display with all the lawnmowers. I told him he could pick one to sit on but he wasn’t allowed to change any of the knobs. None of them have gas but I still didn’t want him moving all the parts. He was so thrilled. He kept asking for Goofy but I told him he couldn’t come today. Every person that walked by was greeted with the same thing “say hi Owen you can say hi Owen.” I told him he could sit on one more of them and he moved to the red one. He was excited about this one because it had a very bouncy seat. He was disappointed the horn did not go “beep beep” and he was wondering where Professor Von Drake was. He then started talking about the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode in another language and I waited until he was back to English. I asked him if he wanted to go see the fish at Cabela’s and he said yes. As he was getting off the tractor he pointed to the car and said, “take the tractor with you.” We got to the parking lot and he told me he wanted to see if the fire is on, if there is a snowman here, and the Santa the Pirate. Plus he wanted to take his tablet to show the fish. I told him we would leave his tablet in the car. The fire wasn’t on but he was excited to see the fireplace. We walked back to the fish and he was so happy. One of the workers came and talked to us about the fish. Owen told him “fish tooth pull dentist.” He wanted the one fish to go to the dentist because he swam with his mouth open. He said, “I love the fish I want to eat them.” Then when the guy left he started m telling me what the guy said about the fish. As many times as he has told me no as we would sit in the parking lot today felt like an amazing victory to go. He requested chicken nuggets not fish on the way home and he only told one mannequin that they needed to wear blue pants. The night was calm and he ate his chicken and cheeseburger. He didn’t answer my questions about the tractor but he watched the tractor episode over and over again. It made my day that he had such an amazing time. Tomorrow we go to his pediatrician for a follow-up visit from our specialist appointment and to get new referrals. I’m thankful for a great day and he will be happy to see his doctor tomorrow. Happiness is an attitude and smiles can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep happened. Well for one of us. Owen got up after five, came to my bed, and slept until almost six. I was glad. He had one thing on his mind and that was riding a tractor with Goofy. He also knew he was going to the park but the tractor was the first word out of his mouth. We quickly got ready with only a few minor clarifications about clothes and shoes. We stood waiting for the bus, asking Siri “I want to ride a tractor with Goofy” and numerous other variations. He knew when he came home from school we were going to “eat a snack and then we go to the park” and then telling me who we were going with. He also wanted to go sit on the tractor. I don’t want to think about how much order and chaos run together. I want absolutely nothing in our house anymore. He needs everything in the place he wants it even if it isn’t in a place that it should or shouldn’t be. Like the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the floor instead of the closet. If I attempt to put it up he now pulls it right back out. He had his snack and then we left. I told him he could take his tablet but I would take it away from him if he turned it on before he got in the car. He doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings to be able to walk so I was happy when he didn’t turn his tablet on until we were in the car. As Owen states often it’s a “rollercoaster.” I am not sure why that is his new go-to word but here we are. I didn’t attempt to take him to see a tractor because he got stuck in slide mode at the park and wouldn’t come down it, just sitting at the top but then he did attempt to use the hanging triangles on the other equipment. On our way out he ran to a young couple that was there. She was in blue pants and he was not and he let them know it. I breathe. The couple was very nice, thankfully but I reminded Owen he can’t run up to people and tell them they have to leave because they don’t have the right clothes on according to him. I told him we were not going to see a tractor today because he wasn’t listening. He really wanted to go to the tractor but I didn’t want to get in that position where he wouldn’t get off the tractor if he wasn’t listening. I told him we would try tomorrow. I’m going to take him to a store that sells them and see what he thinks. When we came home it was up and down moments as soon as we walked in the door. The bathroom to the bed to the tablet to the food. It was all up for debate unless it wasn’t. One day at a time I have to remind myself. I am trying to stand my ground with him but it’s hard. He’s getting good at this asking thing though. I said do you want popcorn pretzels or veggie straws and he said, “yellow chips round.” I remembered I had a bag of salt and vinegar I was going to send with him to school but I had forgotten about it. I showed it to him and he said, “yes please” so it was progress. I am trying to get ahead of these behaviors before he is completely set in his ways and we reach those teenage years. I’ve been giving him more orange juice the last few days and he seems to like it better than some of the other juices. I said do you like orange juice or grape juice better. He said, “grape juice” and then he quickly said, “no orange juice.” I told him we would try to go to the tractors tomorrow and he said, “have you behave” and I thought courage and chaos are how we go through our days. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Sing in the sunshine, dance in the rain, and smile late into the sunset. Tomorrow is your day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept all night. I think I woke up at least ten times. He got his tablet, came to see me, and then I told him to go to the bathroom. If I have told him one time I have told him a hundred times not to take his tablet into the bathroom with him. He makes a mess in the bathroom and then his tablet gets wet and he then gets upset because it gets wet. It goes round and round. I want him to have independence in the bathroom but he’s not quite there yet. So I kept taking his tablet away because he would not listen to me and into the bathroom it went. I asked him if he needed more milk. He didn’t answer. I asked again in a minute. I try to give him time because I know some of it is the time he needs to process everything. Then I asked if his glass was empty or full and he said, “empty.” I love that he got this concept. One of the times I took his tablet today I told him he could play with anything else. He decided to play his guitar for me. I love how he is starting to hold the guitar a little more correctly. He sang numerous songs and was very happy. I gave him back his tablet with instructions on not taking his tablet in the bathroom again. That did not go over well again. He ate his breakfast and then he put his tablet down and played his keyboard all on his own. I love when he does that. We got ready for church in our non-blue pants. He handled it pretty well. I asked him who he was going to see today and he named one of the guys that helps out in his class a lot and then two of the girls but he always calls them each “girl.” I asked him what their names were and he said “this girl and the girl.” I’m really not sure which is which but I told him their real names. He didn’t change what he calls them though. He was very talkative on the way there. He enjoyed his class as well. When we left he wanted his chicken nuggets and cheeseburger. After we got his food we headed home. Halfway there he started talking about going to the farm to see Goofy on the tractor. He was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and wanted to go to the farm so he could ride on a tractor. I told him we could go to look for a tractor after he ate his lunch. I drove him all over the place and no tractor so then we went by the golf course and this was not a tractor but he then learned he wanted to also ride on a golf cart. I’m going to have to find out the rules and if he can ride in one at the golf course. We drove for a while longer and we only saw one person on a riding lawnmower. He liked it but he still wanted a tractor. There are a couple of farms that have more activities on them but if he has something in mind that will not go smoothly to take him. When we got home he told me again he wanted to sit on the tractor. He said, “order it.” I told him that I couldn’t today but maybe one day. As the night wore on it was a “rollercoaster” or at least according to Owen. For some reason that was the word, he kept throwing out. He looked out our window and my neighbor was parked but had the car doors open and her trunk. This sent Owen into a complete meltdown. He was screaming for her to close the doors and no matter what I said he was screaming. He kept opening the windows to look. My heart just sank because I knew this was going to make for a rough night. He sat with me after I told him numerous times to not open the windows so he wouldn’t see them again. I held him for quite some time and it was like he was in sensory overload from the experience. He was in a tight little ball in my arms. I could feel him relaxing after his muscles got tense from the experience. I never know if I should put a film on my windows. Today makes me think I should because of the anxiety it can cause him. I thought a lot about my brother as I sat in church today. In a few short months, it will be a year that he has been gone. I know my brother would have loved it that Owen wanted to see a tractor. Over the last few months, I have reflected a lot on progress and change. I’m proud of the progress Owen is making. Be inspired and know that you can change the world with your ideas. Smiles to all and donut daze!

It was the two o’clock wake-up call that got me. I heard the tv and the tablet going at the same time. I told Owen he needed to go back to bed. Everything got louder. I told him if he didn’t come to me he would not be going to see grandma today. Instantly it became quiet and he came to me. Within a few minutes, we were both back to sleep again. He didn’t wake again until well after six and was in a great mood. Me, I was on the fence. I talked to Owen about choices and that we weren’t going to wear blue pants today. I reiterated what we had talked about yesterday. I told him I understand his concerns about what others were wearing but we had to work together and move past this or we were not going to be able to go anywhere. I told him I was going to wear camo pants and he could select which pair of pants he wanted to wear. All of this is easier said than done but we were able to get dressed and out the door in not-blue pants. I pray a lot because I have nerves of spaghetti. I ask God to give me strength and answers. After I dropped Owen off with his grandma I spent the day of exploration and research. I went to the thrift store and found a pirate ship for him. I was so excited and I hoped he would actually like it. I never know how toys will go over. After I left there I went to the health food store and was filled with hope as we discussed numerous avenues to research with the lady that works there. When I left I went to see the park that they had moved from one area to another. When it was in its pervious location it had a fence around it and I’m always thankful when we can go to a park that is surrounded by a fence. I hope they put one around it again now that it is moved. It’s something I never thought about before but now I think every park should at least have a small section that is fenced and have various types of equipment. Owen really isn’t a runner but it is much easier to keep him with me when he knows he can’t go anywhere. I explored a little more and then I sat by the water and researched about the brain. I’m always trying to learn the complexity of the brain and how everything works together. Once I gathered numerous questions I called my pharmacist and talked through all my questions that I didn’t get answered before and the new ones I was trying to figure out. He was extremely helpful and I began doing more research. After a while, I picked up our dinner and went over to my mom’s house. We ate dinner and then got ready to go home. He saw his pirate ship in the car and I told him he could have it when he got home. He did great in the car and finished his dinner when we got home. From there we played, played, played. I set out his new pirate ship and he was pushing it around the floor and using some of the activity buttons on the ship. He asked me for a pirate’s map to the desert and I believe this was a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse reference. He then asked me for his binoculars and he ran around looking through them. He’s been asking for new bunny slippers which still amazes me that he used to wear his old ones until he outgrew them. He asked if he could take his bunny slippers to the bed and I said yes knowing he was not going to wear them to bed. He did great about us not wearing blue pants until we came home and as soon as I took my clothes off he wanted me to throw them in the trash. I put them on my bed. I told him if he touched them his tablet would be gone. It was ten minutes round and round for us. I told him if he left my room he would not even know they were there. He finally left and I put them in the hamper but I want him to know he can’t take stuff and throw it away. He did better today about it than he has all week so it’s progress. It’s hard to be stern on something I know bothers him but he can’t throw my clothes away. I’m hoping that the behavioral specialist will have more insight for us as new behaviors develop and others change. He fell asleep on the couch but got up to get ready for bed. I’m hoping he sleeps all night long. He is ready for church tomorrow and so am I. I’m thankful for his growth, his laughter, and that big grin of his. Always seek the answers and know that hope is out there even when you don’t hear the words. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen got into bed with me at some point and fell back asleep. I was thankful for that. When I got up in the morning I was even more thankful for it because I realized he had gotten up, gone to his tablet first, and put it on the couch, but must have realized he was still so tired and came to bed with me. He was ready to go to school as soon as he woke. I had talked to him last night about me wearing other colored pants. He knew I was going to wear my camo pants. It had been a great back-and-forth discussion but camo pants it was. When I put my pants on he asked me to wear blue pants when he came home. I told him I would. I’m trying to take small steps with him and hopefully, the more I talk to him about it the more it will change. I thought about our appointment yesterday and one thing that stuck out in my mind was when I was trying to distract him from yelling at the doctor he was still very able to process and answer questions, maybe even quicker. I asked him what instruments he has and plays. He listed them all off. Guitar, violin, ukulele, harmonica, keyboard, and he said two drums. I was excited about this. He knows he has two separate styles of drums. It felt very much like a victory to me. I told him yesterday we could go see the firefighters today if he wanted to go for a walk when he came home. Soon as he got off the bus he started talking about going. I told him after we ate a snack we could go. I asked him if he wanted to paint a fire truck for the station. The last time we came home from our walk he told me he wanted to paint a fire truck so before we left on our walk he painted one for them. We still did our hand-over-hand method for the background but I only helped him a little bit for the truck. When he was done he said, “sign it with an O” and he painted his O in the corner. We got ready for our walk and he put on his fireman hat. As soon as we walked out our door Owen kept asking about “the man”. That’s what he called the one firefighter that was there the last couple of times we walked by. I always tell him “we will have to wait and see.” He said, “the man will be there we will have to wait and see.” Unfortunately he wasn’t there but he handled it like a champ. There was another firefighter that came to talk to us and I explained that Owen wanted them to have his painting of the fire truck. He thanked Owen and told us he would hang it in their living room. He wanted to get in the truck again but I told him we could do it next time. It was later in the afternoon and it always seems like they are called out then so I wanted to make sure we weren’t right there when they got a call to go. I want Owen to see the trucks take off but I want to give him plenty of opportunity to take that all in from a distance so it is easier on him at first. It’s emotional knowing that I want to make sure Owen knows where he can go for help. I have to remind myself that we all need help sometimes and as stressful and emotional as it is to take him to the police station and fire station it is good for him to experience it and see people that can help him if we ever need help. I’m thankful they have all been very kind when we go visit them. And completely understand why we are there. We finished our walk and he had a great evening. I’m hoping that we can get some rest tonight even though he knows he is going to see his grandma tomorrow. I tell Owen all the time he is my gift and I’m thankful for him. Be thankful for the little victories and know they can lead to the greatest rewards. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I ask for hope. I pray for hope. I seek hope. We want something that keeps us looking for a brighter tomorrow. Sometimes that means being still and listening to our own soul. Owen was awake at three. And I know because I heard screaming. It wasn’t his real scream, it was his fake scream. There is a difference. His fake scream is one he has learned and now is mimicking exactly what he hears. And he does it constantly. It’s like a cross between a scream and a soliloquy. Almost like he is needing to express his feelings through a poem that tells the story only by screaming. I told him that we were going to a new doctor and we were going to grandma’s house so that we could all ride together. This immediately started him thinking we were going to “uncle wichard’s house.” At this point, we had about an hour until we needed to leave. And at this point, it meant everything that I put into action had an opposite and equal reaction for Owen. I had set out extra clothes to take for him and things like his tablets, charging cords, and snacks. I need a zippered bag. Anything and everything that I put down or in the bag he put away or he put someplace else that wasn’t obvious to me so off I went looking. He didn’t want anything on my bed and I still can not figure out why my bed has become a problem for him or why he needs to stick food under the pillows in the living room. It’s all a mystery to me that I’m trying to get him to focus on so I can help him through it. We were able to get out the door about five minutes later than I planned but it still felt like pretty good timing. We got to my mom’s and we quickly started our journey. Owen asked a couple of times about “uncle wichard’s house” and we told him we weren’t going today. He then would bring up “uncle wichard’s vacuum.” “Wanna vacuum,” he said. I’m not sure why he decided he needed his vacuums but he asks about them all the time. I told him we could look at them the next we went. Before our appointment, we ate breakfast and when we walked into the restaurant Owen immediately pointed out to everyone he saw if they were wearing blue pants or not. It gets hard knowing that he will tell everyone he sees about this. Plus, we drove about three hours to the appointment, his routine for the day was completely gone, and he didn’t get to see his teacher or therapists. This was already going to be hard on him. We got to our appointment and I had hope. Owen was happy because our intake person was in blue pants but he was not happy because the doctor was in grey pants. This led to a very complicated evaluation where he pretty much the whole time was screaming or telling the doctor she had to leave because she had the wrong pants on. I want to cry. It is so incredibly hard on my baby. From there we had no answers. No changes or anything different for his sleep because we are trying everything anyone has suggested to us before and the only other recommendations were to see other specialists for his behaviors. Plus a whole lot of screaming. He kept asking for “the man that cares blue pants” as we were in the room for the doctor to come back with our follow-up papers. We left there and when we got back in the car my mom had found a Spider-Man blanket for him when she went to one of the stores nearby. He was very excited about it. We got back on the road for home. “No internet please ask your mom or dad for help,” he said as he once again turned off the wifi connection. He handed me the tablet and I selected the wifi one more time. He learned this phrase from one of his apps that always tells the kids to check with their parents. When we got home I talked to him about our day and I explained that if he kept yelling at people about their pants we wouldn’t be able to go anywhere. I had laundry sitting in a basket and he wanted me to put the pants in the hamper. I explained that I was going to put them in the dresser. There were black pants in the mix and I told him I was going to wear them tomorrow. He then asked me about my camo pants. I told him I might wear them tomorrow and he said, “next time.” He was ready to go to sleep almost as soon as we got home but he had too much playing to do. He ate a big dinner of the requested pizza and it didn’t take long until it was the real “nighttime” that he had been talking about all day. He asked me if I was going to pick him up on Thursday for his therapy. I explained that tomorrow was Friday and it made me sad that he missed his favorite day’s routine but at least he gets to go to school tomorrow. I learned a lot and even though I have no answers I will take this experience from today and grow. Push through the challenges and open your heart to the beauty in this world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

At some point, Owen got into bed with me but exhaustion won for both of us. I got out of bed and the no lights rule set in before I could even cross the threshold of my bedroom. You know the no lights rule will strictly be enforced when one gets out of bed to turn it off and then tries to return to said bed with his tablet. I detoured him to the bathroom and from there he stayed up but turned the lights off as soon as I turned them on. We quickly got ready and it took a little convincing to stay in front of our house instead of walking to the bus stop. He kept asking about his teacher and the bus. I promised him his bus was going to pick him up but instead it would be at our house. We stood there for a few minutes while he asked Siri for different phrases in other languages. He was very happy when the bus came around the corner. I keep thinking about tomorrow. So does he. But for completely different reasons. As soon as he got off the bus he started asking about his day tomorrow. He wanted to know about seeing his teacher and his therapists. I wanted to tell him we were doing something different but I also didn’t want him worrying about it all night. Telling him we are traveling would be hard because the only place he thinks we would be going is “uncle wichard’s house” and this will be hard to explain. Thankfully the trip isn’t as long but for him, it going to be an adventure. The plan is for great sleep tonight and I’ll tell him about his adventure tomorrow. I’ve got several things going for us though. He loves seeing his doctors and even though this is a new place for us he will hopefully be excited to meet them. My mom is also going with us so he will be happy about that. When he got home from school after he got through asking if he was going to see his teacher tomorrow he started talking about his binoculars. They thankfully came today and he was beyond excited. I handed them to him and it was like he knew exactly what to do with them. He moved his glasses up and he put them right to his eyes. He ran all through the house with them. He asked me to help him and he wanted the strap over his neck. I love how excited he gets about the things that he can say “order it” and they appear. To have him come from not understanding anything about gifts to the point where he wants Santa the Pirate to bring him presents to telling me to “order it” is all amazing progress. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. And I truly can’t wait to talk to the specialist about everything. My list is growing and I’m hoping they will be able to steer us in the right direction. Owen was calm and hyper tonight. It always feels like an interesting combination but I can easily see it happening with him. I hope he sleeps well and we can get out early start tomorrow. I’m thankful for his amazing growth and connections. His words are becoming so strong and when he laughs it fills my heart with gladness. There is always hope for tomorrow. Our life is not always easy to explain but the love sure is. Be patient in your soul and watch your positivity rise. Smiles to all and donut daze!