Maybe it’s repeat and rinse. Owen woke again by three and then thankfully the tablet tv talk was taken with action and this time he got into bed with me. After me convincing him that he had plenty of room on the other side of the bed he quickly fell back asleep. Me, not so much. He wanted to stay in bed once he was in my bed. He was ready to go to school though but didn’t want to do the steps to get there. Once we got outside to wait for the bus he wanted to ask Siri to translate that he was going to the park with his friends. My house had other plans though. The plumber was coming. And my house doesn’t do anything tiny. He was here for hours. When Owen came home he was still here and he immediately saw his van outside. This doesn’t always mean someone is at our house but he thinks it does and today he was right. I told him it was the plumber and he said, “plumber plunges with a plunger.” Say that ten times fast. He wanted to see him and he wanted him to be in blue pants. I told him plumbers don’t wear blue pants. He repeated that several times and then said to the guy “we don’t talk about you not blue pants.” I got one of those tiny pumpkins for him and when he came home from school I had it sitting on the table. He was excited. He said, “pumpkin soup we can make pumpkin soup.” I said do you want to make some and he said, “no we can make a pumpkin pie.” I said, “do you want to make a pumpkin pie.” He said, “no.” I said we could cut it open and put a candle in it or paint it. He said, “no soup.” So it’s sitting in the exact same spot where I put it because I tried to move it and he thought we were going to open it. He did well when the plumber was here but he was certainly ready for him to leave. He asked me to change numerous times and was concerned that he was not a plumber that wore blue but “we don’t talk about plumber no wear blue.” I asked him if he still wanted to go to the park when he left and he stated, “mommy change” which meant “nopedy nope.” The rest of the night was calm except for the twenty or so times he checked on my bed to make sure there was nothing extra on it. He is ready to see grandma tomorrow and she’s ready to see him too. We stood in our kitchen singing the octopus song I made up with him and he got close to doing all the hand motions. So much growth is happening right before my very eyes. I’m thankful and I’m proud. He fell asleep all curled up in his blanket and I pray for sleep tonight. We shouldn’t settle for what life isn’t about and instead create the dreams that we want life to be about. My dream came true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Rinse repeat. That’s where I feel we are at with the sleeping thing but I’m getting stern. And being stern ruffles my own feathers. It’s hard sticking to discipline when discipline is met with a constant wave of questions and emotions thrown at you for as long as the discipline is in action. Owen woke around three and he did not want to go back to bed. He chose to keep his tablet until I went and took them all. I still haven’t given him the remote back yet. It was almost five by the time he laid down and it wouldn’t be much longer until it was time for him to wake up. He wanted his tablet again and I told him that he couldn’t have it before school because of his behavior in the middle of the night. I told him he could do anything else so he brought a book to me and started reading. Mission accomplished I thought. He read another one and then he ran off to play but kept coming to me to tell me he wanted his tablet. I told him I kinda knew. When we got outside to wait for the bus he wanted Siri to translate a sentence about the tractor instead of his usual request for milk being translated into phrases. I thought it was wonderful progress. He knew that it was therapy day and “mommy going to pick me up” is what he kept saying over and over again woven between the other phrases he wanted me to request from Siri. I kept wondering if he was worried we would be going on a trip again and miss his favorite day. Over the last few days, I’ve spent numerous hours researching my theories about Owen’s hearing and visual responses to the blue pants. Today I got a call back from his eye doctor and it helped so much with my prescriptive. I keep thinking about how he looks at my clothes and it creates happiness if I’m wearing what he wants but if I’m not it creates anxiety and meltdowns. So to me, the visual response creates the meltdowns. It’s like it causes the reaction in his brain to process the information. It sits in there like a train wreck waiting to cause the stimuli. There is still much more research to be done but I feel like we are getting closer. When you think there is no hope turn one more stone over. Never give up. There is hope. When I picked him up from school I talked to his teacher about everything and she was going to look up the different therapies available that might help him. He had wonderful therapy sessions and wanted to go “ride the tractor with Goofy” again. I told him we could ride the tractor but I’m not sure if Goofy would be there. He did amazing and only wanted to sit on the red one with the squeaky seat. He immediately told me “take it with you.” I told him we couldn’t today but maybe one day he would own one. The night went quickly and he was asleep before his head was even on the pillow. I hope he sleeps tonight and has a great Friday. We might go to the park tomorrow before the rain is supposed to hit tomorrow night or Saturday. I’m thankful for a team that supports us with all of the challenges we face and the victories we win. Even in the storm, the sun will begin to shine. Today may be filled with those challenges but it makes the victories that much sweeter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes the load feels heavy but the victories will carry us through. Yesterday was a great day and I’ll hold it close to my heart. Owen woke around three and we repeated the dance we had yesterday only it didn’t go as smoothly. I took all his tablets and all the remote controls for the tv and finally let him figure out he needed to go back to bed. And he did. I once again was in and out trying to find the calm to sleep. He was very excited to take his animal cards to his teacher. He told me which animals they were and he was happy about it. Sometimes it takes him a while to process everything. When he got off the bus he immediately said he was going to see his doctor. We had discussed it in the morning before he left and he was very excited. I always try to make him understand these appointments are used to help us and doctors and other people are very important for our health. I don’t want him to be scared of them. Then when we came inside he saw his Spider-Man blanket on the couch. He ran to it touched it and said, “Spider-Man bed treasure.” He then went to his treasure chest and said, “it’s a treasure lock it with a key it’s the best treasure ever.” After we took off his seatbelt and discussed his snack he got his tablet and immediately went to the video of the lady with the animal flip cards that he made his from. How he always finds exactly what video he wants amazes me since he watches so many different videos. I got him a snack and we had a little bit of time before we left for our appointment. Blue pants strikes again. My heart just aches. He was so upset when his doctor didn’t walk in with blue pants. He had the crocodile tears falling and told her she needed to leave. It makes me want to cry too. She wanted to cry. We don’t have answers. She is getting our referral ready for the next steps and hopefully, we can find something that will help calm his mind. I asked him if he could tell me what it is about them and he can’t process that yet so we try to keep moving forward. He was calm the rest of the night but I didn’t try to ruffle our feathers or do things that would upset him. He was asleep very quickly so I know he was extremely tired and I hope he sleeps all night. I pray for peace for my baby. His big laughter is what I’m holding on to. I’m thankful for his smile. Today is a gift and tomorrow is for our victory. Find your strength and keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!

What a day. To quote Owen “rollercoaster.” He got up by four and started playing with his tablet and turned the tv on. I told him he needed to go back to bed or he wouldn’t get to go to school or ride a tractor. He got into bed with me and then decided to go back to his bed. I told him if he turned the tv on or took his tablet he wouldn’t have them when he came home from school. It worked. He slept until after five in his bed. Me, I didn’t go back to sleep but with him it was progress. In the last week, he has said a couple of times “animals in the bag” and pointed to his backpack but I didn't understand. Today he said, “animal cards in backpack.” It finally dawned on me he wanted to send his animal cards he made to his teacher again. I didn't put it together until we were waiting on the bus. I asked him if he wanted to send the animal cards again and he said, “snake in the bag.” So tomorrow I am going to send his animal cards with him. I told his teacher. She was excited and said she would share them again in their morning meeting. I love that he made that connection to taking them. I told him while we were waiting for the bus that we would go to see the tractor today but when he got home he couldn’t say anything about my clothes or we wouldn’t go. He got off the bus and immediately said, “tractor” and looked at my pants but didn’t say a word. We got inside and I showed him the animal cards. He said, “gorilla” and off they went to his backpack. Talk about a boy on a mission. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with them. He knew he was going to “eat a snack and then go to the tractor with Goofy.” I told him we would go but he probably wouldn’t see Goofy. We were off. We went into the garden center and he said hi to the lady so I asked her if it was okay if he sat on the lawnmower. She told me that it was fine and they may have some inside too. We walked past the pumpkin display and Owen said, “it’s time for pumpkin soup.” I don’t know that he has ever had pumpkin soup but I’m going to make sure he has some this year. We walked through the store and back out to the front display with all the lawnmowers. I told him he could pick one to sit on but he wasn’t allowed to change any of the knobs. None of them have gas but I still didn’t want him moving all the parts. He was so thrilled. He kept asking for Goofy but I told him he couldn’t come today. Every person that walked by was greeted with the same thing “say hi Owen you can say hi Owen.” I told him he could sit on one more of them and he moved to the red one. He was excited about this one because it had a very bouncy seat. He was disappointed the horn did not go “beep beep” and he was wondering where Professor Von Drake was. He then started talking about the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode in another language and I waited until he was back to English. I asked him if he wanted to go see the fish at Cabela’s and he said yes. As he was getting off the tractor he pointed to the car and said, “take the tractor with you.” We got to the parking lot and he told me he wanted to see if the fire is on, if there is a snowman here, and the Santa the Pirate. Plus he wanted to take his tablet to show the fish. I told him we would leave his tablet in the car. The fire wasn’t on but he was excited to see the fireplace. We walked back to the fish and he was so happy. One of the workers came and talked to us about the fish. Owen told him “fish tooth pull dentist.” He wanted the one fish to go to the dentist because he swam with his mouth open. He said, “I love the fish I want to eat them.” Then when the guy left he started m telling me what the guy said about the fish. As many times as he has told me no as we would sit in the parking lot today felt like an amazing victory to go. He requested chicken nuggets not fish on the way home and he only told one mannequin that they needed to wear blue pants. The night was calm and he ate his chicken and cheeseburger. He didn’t answer my questions about the tractor but he watched the tractor episode over and over again. It made my day that he had such an amazing time. Tomorrow we go to his pediatrician for a follow-up visit from our specialist appointment and to get new referrals. I’m thankful for a great day and he will be happy to see his doctor tomorrow. Happiness is an attitude and smiles can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep happened. Well for one of us. Owen got up after five, came to my bed, and slept until almost six. I was glad. He had one thing on his mind and that was riding a tractor with Goofy. He also knew he was going to the park but the tractor was the first word out of his mouth. We quickly got ready with only a few minor clarifications about clothes and shoes. We stood waiting for the bus, asking Siri “I want to ride a tractor with Goofy” and numerous other variations. He knew when he came home from school we were going to “eat a snack and then we go to the park” and then telling me who we were going with. He also wanted to go sit on the tractor. I don’t want to think about how much order and chaos run together. I want absolutely nothing in our house anymore. He needs everything in the place he wants it even if it isn’t in a place that it should or shouldn’t be. Like the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the floor instead of the closet. If I attempt to put it up he now pulls it right back out. He had his snack and then we left. I told him he could take his tablet but I would take it away from him if he turned it on before he got in the car. He doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings to be able to walk so I was happy when he didn’t turn his tablet on until we were in the car. As Owen states often it’s a “rollercoaster.” I am not sure why that is his new go-to word but here we are. I didn’t attempt to take him to see a tractor because he got stuck in slide mode at the park and wouldn’t come down it, just sitting at the top but then he did attempt to use the hanging triangles on the other equipment. On our way out he ran to a young couple that was there. She was in blue pants and he was not and he let them know it. I breathe. The couple was very nice, thankfully but I reminded Owen he can’t run up to people and tell them they have to leave because they don’t have the right clothes on according to him. I told him we were not going to see a tractor today because he wasn’t listening. He really wanted to go to the tractor but I didn’t want to get in that position where he wouldn’t get off the tractor if he wasn’t listening. I told him we would try tomorrow. I’m going to take him to a store that sells them and see what he thinks. When we came home it was up and down moments as soon as we walked in the door. The bathroom to the bed to the tablet to the food. It was all up for debate unless it wasn’t. One day at a time I have to remind myself. I am trying to stand my ground with him but it’s hard. He’s getting good at this asking thing though. I said do you want popcorn pretzels or veggie straws and he said, “yellow chips round.” I remembered I had a bag of salt and vinegar I was going to send with him to sc