Owen sounded much better when he woke up. He slept all night and thankfully I got a little more sleep than I do most nights. He went through all his usual morning questions but the biggest thing he said was he missed his friends.

He wanted to know when he would go back to school even though he knew exactly when he was going back to school. He found his school on Google Earth and showed me the door he goes into. My boy with the heart of gold said, “Miss friends gone on spring break everybody needs to be happy only one week.” He went on to say that his teacher “will be happy she misses everybody.” I told him I’m sure she does. He then started going through the aides and bus personnel.

He does not like it at all when I’m on the phone but he spent an hour on YouTube listening to different ringtones. It always amazes me what he finds fascinating. He is now saying “new ear” on purpose instead of “near year” so we can go through it together. He told me he needed to go see his speech therapist. I think he is trying to find ways to do more sessions.

Since he sounded so much better I decided he could go to his therapies. His music therapist said he did good but was quiet. I’m sure his allergy medicine was making him sleepy too. He was excited to see his friend there and talked about him on the way home. When we got home he started sneezing with all the trees in bloom.

He did pretty good at music therapy about blue pants and mentioned them a few times at his vision therapy appointment but he talked more about her gum than anything else. He was a little more anxious at this point and did his exercises fine but he was pretty loud several times. He was happy when we left and asked the doctor to walk us out to our car and she did. She is always so patient and kind with him.

Before vision therapy he said he wanted Bob Evans for dinner again. I told him we can’t have Bob Evans every day. He said yes we can. He then told me he needed a break from spring break. When we left his appointment he said he wanted Tudors but I told him we weren’t going in that direction so he decided on Chick-fil-A and told me he wanted Dairy Queen on Wednesday. He’s quite the food planner.

He asked Siri for the “Do you like broccoli in Espanol song” and was singing right along with it. He is asking for more languages again. He likes the song but he doesn’t like broccoli. He liked the green beans I gave him the other day so I will try broccoli again soon.

By bedtime, he was getting that allergy sound again and I could tell he was tired. He actually asked for bed. I have timers set every night for the different things we do and he asked for his breathing exercises. We work on them hoping for calm as he sleeps. Sleep happened quickly and I hope he sleeps all night. He told me “Mommy loves my laugh” and I told him yes I do. Make your happiness a priority. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Thankfully Owen slept all night and in fact, slept late. He might have slept later if I hadn’t woken him up when I went to the bathroom. I slept more than I do most nights but wish I could have slept longer. He was still snotty and coughing some but nothing like yesterday. As much as I knew it would disappoint him we were not going to church. He still didn’t have a fever but I felt like it was better to stay home.

He wanted to make sure all his things were still happening with the week ahead and that he would be going back to school next Monday. These were the questions for the day. He asked them a lot and often. He also knew my response and I wasn’t going to say it every time. Any and all breaks are hard on him and I can only imagine how hard it will be for him when he doesn’t get to go to summer school.

He was asking to go to see his teacher and I said what do you like about her. He said, “makes me calm and feel better.” I was happy he made the connection. I am so thankful for the amazing team he has at school. He constantly talks about the aides and mentor. They all work so hard to help Owen grow.

I got him to eat about ten green beans and a lot of macaroni and cheese. It is always a huge deal when I get him to eat vegetables. He eats a wide variety of foods but vegetables and fruits are not his favorites. The macaroni and cheese is a newer food for him as well. Texture and smell are a big thing for him when he is eating. I gave him one bite of the green beans and then the next bite of macaroni and cheese. I kept doing this back and forth. I work with him a lot with textures and combining foods. It helps him to continue to grow with his food choices.

I told Owen that I thought he might have a cold or it could be allergies since he was sick. A few minutes later I told him it was very cold outside today. He asked me if outside was sick. The English language can be so hard and when you have words that sound the same but have completely different meanings it can get very confusing. He is doing amazing with his words and connections.

The day was filled with him asking me about tomorrow and all his days ahead. He told me he wanted to go to school for social skills and to watch the lockdown drill but liked the fire drill. He asks to pull the fire alarms when he sees them places. I pray that is never a thing for us. I hope tomorrow he is feeling much better and he can go to his therapies. He was very interactive and laughed for me a lot. His smile is my dream come true. Look for the rays of sunshine in everything you do. Life is better with those extra smiles. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When I say Owen was full of conversation I mean he pretty much was talking nonstop since around four this morning until he went to bed, sprinkled with a few quiet moments. He still had a very snotty nose and you could hear it in his voice. He wanted to go see his grandma but I told him last night we weren’t going. He wasn’t running a fever still but I didn’t want to take any chances with getting her sick.

Indecisions are almost as fun as overthinking. Today was a day full of those moments. Plus, add in exhaustion, and no decisions were made today but a lot of overthinking happened. He got very upset because people outside were screaming in our neighborhood. He came running to me wanting them to be quiet. He was almost about to have a meltdown over it when I could hear them finally walking down the street. I keep praying for some property to become available that will work for us so we can move.

“I want to go see grandma in Arabic,” he said asking his tablet to translate something he already knew how to say. He’s been listening to more videos in all the languages and asking for translations again. He had a video playing the other day and I asked him if he could sing the song. Without hesitation, he started belting it out. He doesn’t usually do that for me but he knew that whole song and sang it amazingly.

He pulled up a coloring page on his tablet. He used to avoid doing them and would bring them to me to do if he had to do them in a series of steps. He stood next to me and colored to whole screen blue, avoiding all the colors in the lines suggestions I threw out. I never imagined he would want to color like this so even though he wasn’t coloring the picture in he was making huge progress by coloring it at all. I told him he did a fantastic job and off he ran.

I gave him more medicine and it seemed to help his nose but I could tell he was still very congested. He was requesting more food as the day wore on so I finally ordered what he requested for his birthday dinner but then never wanted me to order it. He ate two crackers with spinach and artichoke dip on them while we waited. He seemed to like it but didn’t want any more. He sure enjoyed his dinner though.

He probably won’t be happy but we won’t be going to church tomorrow. I don’t think he is contagious but he is still very snotty. I cut his hair and he took a long bath. He was pretty calm but kept checking to see when he was going back to the babysitter he had when he was young so he could play their piano. He also wanted to know when he was going back to school even though he had been telling me all day that it was one week.

Even though he wasn’t feeling well he had a good day. I hope he feels better tomorrow so he doesn’t have to miss his therapy on Monday. This spring break cannot go fast enough for him. He would be happy if his routine stayed the same all year long. He spent a lot of time sitting right next to me and wanting me to hold him. I enjoyed are time even though it was exhausting keeping up with all our conversations. The dude does not forget a thing and remembers so many details. Let happiness be your guide for an amazing tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen woke very early. He wanted to get his day started and get to school. He sounded a little snotty but he was full of energy. I always check his temperature because he gets sinus infections pretty quickly but it was normal. I figured maybe it was allergies. I slept OK last night but I woke up so thankful I was done with radiation.

He was listing off different people and telling me where he sees everyone. It amazes me all the conversations we are starting to have and I’m so thankful. His teacher sent a card home that had a scanner code on it to take him to a website for his schoolwork. He loves it. He wants to get as many wrong answers as he does the right ones because he loves to hear the “boing” noise and laughs hysterically when he hears it.

He uses the camera on his tablet to scan the card. I usually do it for him but I’m trying to get him used to it. He has a hard time taking a picture of the card because it is too hard for him to look at the screen. He is afraid he is going to see his picture instead of something else. He will close his eyes trying to focus on the right spot so the link will come up. We have been working on this for days and he was finally able to do it himself.

We got ready and went out to wait for the bus. He asked about his “Birthday party” at school and I hated to break the news to him again but I told him his party was last week. He quickly changed directions when he saw the bus coming and off he went to his last day of school before spring break.

He came home with a runny nose and it was red probably from rubbing it. He told me his “nose is coughing.” He also wanted me in a dress immediately because we were staying home and not going anywhere. He was also not a fan of the pants I was wearing. I snapped him out of it with the “swimming suit” card and it stopped him from yelling at me and going into a meltdown.

He was asking all his anxious questions about the week ahead since it was spring break and then the question about summer school came up. I told him they canceled it. He said, “Go in July.” I said they canceled all of it. He said, “I go to high school this summer.” He wanted to find a way for me to say yes he would be going to summer school. I found out today that instead of almost six weeks of all day classes they have now put it six days spread over seven weeks and they were only going to be half days. I won’t be sending him because that will cause him more stress and anxiety. My heart is breaking in a million pieces over this decision the school board has made. I will be writing a lot of letters once I can process it all.

He is becoming quite the conversationalist. He told me that “Mommy doesn’t like me sick hurts her feelings makes her sad.” He told me without me saying anything that he wanted Bob Evans in the morning. He then told me he wanted our friends to take him to Bob Evans next week. He asked numerous times about seeing his grandma tomorrow and I told him most likely he wouldn’t since he wasn’t feeling well and he said, “That breaks my heart.” I told him it breaks my heart too and he said I need to ride the elevator to see his doctor on Monday. I told him I would take him if he was still feeling poorly. He also told me that he was cranky and didn’t feel good so he needed to go to his friend’s house.

It didn’t take much to convince him it was bedtime and he was out quickly. Boy, oh boy has my sweet baby O grown. I see incredible progress and I know that he will be making even bigger steps in the days to come. Never give up on tomorrow. Positive words and positive actions equal a positive life. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The morning was different. The week ahead will be different. This week was different. And all those different things lead to moments of anxiousness and anxiety for my sweet baby O. But that is life and I have to find ways to help Owen learn to cope and adapt.

Thankfully sleep happened for both of us. I woke up a couple of times but quickly fell back asleep. To say I was excited about today was probably an understatement. To say Owen was anxious about today was also an understatement. I had my last radiation appointment but it was scheduled very early so that meant I was taking Owen to school instead of him riding the bus. He wanted to make sure I was dropping him off and not staying. It is very hard for him to process all of this but I confirmed it with him the best I could many times.

We got ready and off we went. He was excited about me taking him but still very anxious the whole way there. I dropped him off and headed to my appointment. I have zero radiation appointments left and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I have to watch my skin to make sure it doesn’t get any worse but otherwise, I will have my follow-up in about six weeks. I will start my infusions in April and I should have eight more of those. I’m feeling very blessed.

When Owen got home from school he was pretty calm. I even had my camo pants on and he didn’t get upset. He talked to me about not having bunny ears on but then he started talking about “swimming suit” and I could tell he was processing not to talk about what someone was wearing.

Owen has a hard time with directions and steps to find something. If I say go into the bathroom, open the drawer, and bring me the comb it is a hard concept for him for him to follow all those steps. I asked him to get something out of the refrigerator. He did great and brought it to me but he dropped a package of cheese so it landed on the bottom of the refrigerator. The door wouldn’t close all the way but he didn’t understand how to move the cheese back to the shelf. It’s huge progress though and I am working with him on these concepts.

Bedtime was quick. He was asking about his teacher all night long. I can see his anxiousness amping up since he will be off next week for spring break. I tried to reassure him he would be going to school tomorrow. He said, “Pray we sleep tonight” and I seconded that. Be thankful in the little details of life. Happiness comes from those little sparks and will soon turn into bigger joys. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I don’t even know where to begin with today so I’m going to start with life happens when you have something else planned. I woke up a little after four. I got up around five and that woke Owen up. He was in a good mood but stuck to me like glue. Every time he started to talk about bunny ears or clothes he talked about his “swimming suit” so maybe, just maybe this is progress and he may let go of the blue pants thing, I pray.

We got ready to go outside and he had questions about having another birthday, seeing his teacher, and when he was going to therapy. The bus turned the corner and he was so happy to see it. He ran to get on the bus and off they went.

When he got home he was committed to having another birthday this week. He told me that tomorrow when he gets home we are having Bob Evans for his birthday. I guess since we didn’t get it yet he wants it tomorrow for his birthday do over. He told me all about what is happening tomorrow several times. I’m taking him to school and not staying because I am not in middle school. He is focused on planning his days. He knew I was taking him to school because I had an early appointment tomorrow. This was throwing him off so he wanted to make sure I was not staying at school with him.

He was in such a great mood and then our internet went out. and he said, “Gino’s works.” I’m not sure why he brought up his favorite pizza place but he was hoping theirs was working. He is always protective of them. I tried every way I could to connect my phone and all the other backups I had to get the internet to work for him on his tablets. He can play his games without the Internet but as soon as it goes out he always wants YouTube. The “toothpaste would not connect,” he said. He always calls Bluetooth toothpaste and has to go through the whole thing. “Toothpaste toothbrush Bluetooth,” he says.

After about two hours or what seemed like a lifetime our internet started working. I do not know how it was possible at first but some of the devices were working and some weren’t even after I restarted everything French songs were blaring through the house and he was singing with them about the sounds the animals make. He knew he was singing in “France.”

After a while everything came back online and he was so happy. He said, “It’s a new Internet the Internet works.” I was thankful he didn’t have a complete meltdown over this but he didn’t stop asking about it or trying to connect to “toothpaste.” Now to search out a more concrete way to have a backup for our internet. I thought I was covered but three backups are better than two.

“Pray you I sleep tonight,” he said. Whenever he says “pray” or anything else like that it makes my heart happy. I pray a lot and I pray loud. I want Owen to know he can pray to God about everything. And boy do I pray a lot about us sleeping. Tomorrow is my last radiation treatment and I am so thankful. God is so good and I know he’s got me. Owen said, my laugh is funny mommy loves it” and I told him I sure did. Let the challenges of today be distant memories tomorrow and know that it will be a better day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep happened. Owen slept all night and me a lot more than most nights. He was talking about wearing a “swimming suit” and people in the “wrong clothing because you need to be kind to everybody” so I hope it changes a few things for him. He at least is thinking about it and knows he wants to go swimming.

He was very ready to get to school. He thinks he gets to have another birthday on Friday. He might like having parties at school for his birthday. He kept telling me that he gets to have a birthday every week. I asked him when his birthday was and he told me. We will see what happens on Friday when he doesn’t have another party.

It was a whole different story when he came home today and I had a very happy O on my hands. There were no meltdowns and he told me again he wants to swim in his swimming suit so he has to be kind. He went through everything with me when he got home. He wants more parties at school, he asked when the plumbers were coming back, what days he was going to see his grandma, told me he had three more days until spring break, that he wanted to wear shorts tomorrow no matter how cold it was, and the list kept going on. I loved the conversation and all the details.

He just told me he goes to the dentist on April 23rd unless his teeth are cranky then he can go anytime. The details are clicking and sticking with him so that he can tell them back to me. Not that he forgot details before but now it feels like he is connecting to them as to when they are important for timing.

He ate his dinner, we worked on our paintings, and he was ready for his bath so he could “sit in the white bed to tell me a story.” I was thankful for a good day and all the connections he has been making. I have two more radiation treatments and I can’t wait to count them down. God’s got me and I am beyond thankful. Owen told me his laugh was funny so he laughed some more. Share your joy with others and watch how the world will change with your smile. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Any and all changes disturb the routine of our lives and for Owen, this is extra hard. Cancelling his therapy this week was a decision I didn’t make lightly but knew that I would be extra tired with my last few days of radiation. However thinking through that decision was why I overthink everything. Owen was up around two wanting to make sure he was still going to school today. I confirmed it but back to bed was not an option because I had to confirm it for the next few hours as well.

I have been working with Owen on his school words and other words he is struggling with. He says “next ear” instead of “next year.” There are a few letters he still struggles with to say the sounds but he has come so incredibly far and I remind myself that the doctors told me he might not talk. I had to believe he would and I made sure he believed it too.

We got ready for the bus and he started naming all his previous bus drivers. He was asking who would be with him over the summer and I told him I wasn’t sure. I got him a couple of new pairs of shoes and even though one of them was blue he will still need time to process them. We went out to wait for the bus and he was so excited when they turned the corner.

When he came home from school I thought it would be the plumbers that were here working on the never-ending plumbing problems but no it was the grey pants that I had on. He hasn’t had a meltdown like this in a very long time. He screamed at me, bit my pants, spit on them, went to the bathroom to get water in his hands to put on me, yelled at the guys to tell me I was wrong, and the list went on. My heart aches.

The guys were here for maybe an hour. I finally got Owen calmed down enough so he wasn’t screaming anymore about twenty minutes before they left. At this point he told me he was sorry many times over. I told him he also needed to tell the guys he was sorry for yelling at them to leave. He told them “Sorry guys” and they were both kind to him.

He was still talking about my grey pants though so I asked him if he wanted to wear shorts. He said yes. I told him that he would not get to wear shorts or a bathing suit if he only wanted everyone in blue pants. I went on to say he would never get to go swimming again if he couldn’t wear a bathing suit. This is when the tide began to turn. He wants to go swimming so not wearing a bathing suit will be a huge deal to him. I’m not sure if it will cure the blue pants thing but just maybe it will get him to realize he has to be kind to others about what they wear so he can wear a bathing suit. At this point, I am grasping at straws to try and help him make connections with it. This has been going on for five years and it hasn’t wavered.

He repeated over and over that his teacher would be happy and his Grandma would be happy that he took deep breaths and calmed down. It is always hard when someone comes to our house for Owen. But it is even harder for me when he is having a meltdown. People at our house disturb his routine and it is hard for him to overcome it. He asked me what they were doing here and when they were coming back all night long.

The night was filled with swimming suit talks, wanting to know when he would see his teacher again, talking about his mentor at school eating a banana, and when he was going to see his best friend again, plus needing to know when the plumbers were coming back. I was thankful he was calm and I pray that he sleeps the whole night through. He told me “My laugh is funny” and did his amazing fake laugh. That’s what life is all about. Focus on the good stuff and the rest will follow. You are amazing and can do anything if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!

One of us slept and one of us didn’t. Thankfully Owen slept all night but I was up and down. I will be so glad when the week ahead is over. Four more treatments for radiation and I will be done. Next up will be my infusions but they are not nearly as intense for me even though they are longer treatments.

When Owen came to me he went through all of his usual things. He said that he “slept upper night” but he went through many versions of it. Next, he wanted to make sure we were going to church. I tried to explain to him that he slept but I didn’t and I wasn’t feeling very good. His “church church church” chant rang loud and clear. Then he wanted to make sure he was going to see his teacher and all his “frands” saying it in his most southern accent. I tried to reassure the best I could.

I showed him on Google Earth where he would be going to high school. He was talking about going to high school because he was a big boy. Hopefully, it is the school he will be going to but it is still at least two years away. He was stuck on the week ahead. It will be hard for him not to go to his therapy but he kept telling me he was riding the bus home so that is how we got to talking about his high school and he was all about figuring out where he was going to summer school and who his teacher would be.

He went through what each person may or may not wear at his school. He went through all his friends and the staff. He specifically told me what they might wear this week. I am sure he knows everything they have ever worn before.

When we left for church Owen fell on our steps. He said, “Pay attention you were paying attention.” He got his knee and the sides of both ankles. We went back inside and wiped it off. He was ok and still wanted to go to church. He told me when we got home he wanted to take a bath to get rid of blood. He wanted a bandaid on his knee but immediately took it off. I’m thankful he handled it so well and they weren’t that bad.

He told me that he wanted a “new big black car.” I asked him why. He said so he could go to the post office. I found this more amusing because there is only one post office that I have taken him to that he didn’t have a huge meltdown in. This was the big discussion back and forth from church.

He told me he is celebrating his birthday again on Friday. I wonder if he thinks he is going to get to have a party every week at school. At least I know he enjoyed it. That makes me very happy.

Bedtime was quick. He got his bath and told me his knee was all better since the blood was gone even though it was gone when I cleaned it earlier. Hopefully, the healing will go quickly for him. He was ready to go see his teacher but hopefully, he will sleep tonight. I’m glad he had a good day besides his scrapes. Here’s to a great week ahead. He sat with me before bed and his laughter warmed my heart. Let happiness be your bright spot and share your smile with the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen woke up very early and then he wanted to make sure he was going to see his grandma. He asked me over and over and over again. His world has been turned upside down by all the changes in his life but that’s what life is all about, changes. Any and every change is something to him. It can be something like having to go a different way than he was expecting or major changes like my hair. These changes are not things he will ever forget either so it is more about finding ways to help him cope with all the changes and working through them with him.

He was ready to go to grandma’s and I was ready to sit. Every time I thought he was going to let me fall back asleep for a little bit he started talking about going again. It’s been so hard for him the last few months. Being sick and then having all the snow days completely turned him around. Those moments in time sent him into extra anxious moments. As soon as he gets off the bus on Fridays he is checking to make sure he is going back to school on Monday. I can tell they are working with him about his spring break coming up. He has been counting the days of when it starts and when it ends.

My heart hurts knowing that spring break will also be hard on him. I pray and I pray some more that by then he will want to go more places. It will be a long week if I can’t get him to go do any activities. I am trying to show him different places we can go. He used to want to ride his bike but since we got his new one he won’t even ride it. He says he wants a tricycle so when we move I want to get him one.

He walked up to me and read what I had on my nightgown. He said, “coffee.” I said how many coffee do you see. He said, “Four coffee coffee coffee coffee.” These are the moments I am reminded of when the doctors told me he might not talk. And I told them all the same thing he will talk. Every single day I tell him he is amazing and can do anything he sets his mind to. When he was little he would scream all the time. I would tell him I know he can use his voice and he can ask for what he wants. I wanted him to know I believed in him and he could do it.

We got ready and I took him to his grandma’s house. It was around noon before we went. Between pure exhaustion and the rain, I waited to take him. He had a great visit with his grandma. She wore “new blue pants” and she said he talked about her wearing the “wrong ones” but he didn’t scream at her so that was progress.

When we got home we ate our dinner and he talked to me about watching eyeballs. He always wants to talk about teeth and eyeballs. He loves watching videos about teeth and he found videos of people that have contact lenses. I don’t want to watch any of it and that makes him laugh even harder.

I never know which elephant to look at in the room. I try to ignore them all and focus on the good stuff. That can be hard some days but I try to not let the challenges of life outweigh the goodness I see. My sweet baby O’s laugh is one of the many things that makes my heart happy and tells me it is going to be fine. Find happiness in the quiet moments, joy in the loud ones, and gratitude when you lie down at night. Smiles to all and donut daze!