Yesterday was one of those days I would like to scratch off the calendar and move forward. Behavioral issues, meltdowns, and what felt like backward steps kept us in a loop all day. I work really hard with Owen to keep his aggression in check. And I don’t know that he truly understands that it is aggression, but more of a release from everything that is going on inside his body. Add that to the fact that he thrives on my reactions and emotions. He will come up behind me and push me. Sometimes it’s because he is upset and other times he laughs, waiting for my reaction. The more I react the happier it makes him. The biting, hitting, kicking, chewing on my hair, and pinching had all stopped, but somehow he is cycling back through it. The calmer I act the less he repeats a behavior. Then there was the whole he forgot he was potty trained train wreck. I changed his underwear so many times yesterday that I lost count. It didn’t matter how many times we went or I asked him he wouldn’t go. Today has been much better only with a few rough around the edges moments. He wanted to go bowling since five o’clock this morning. We went, he loved it, but he cried through many of the balls that didn’t go according to his plan. He wants strikes and he wants those pins to go down. We still bowl together. The concept of throwing the ball isn’t quite there for him, but he doesn’t want to use the ramp at all. Occasionally he will roll the ball himself, but he likes putting his fingers in the ball and me helping him with it. On our way to bowl, we stopped at our beloved coffee shop. There was a line, but Owen did exceptionally well and easily waited our turn. For this I was thankful. We even went to lunch after bowling and he did amazing at the restaurant, eating almost his entire lunch, and not screaming, even when I could tell he was ready to. There are days I’m still afraid to walk out of my door. My emotions want me to stay in the safety of our home, but I know it’s good for Owen and me to go out in the world to the stares, the smiles, and the moments of acceptance and understanding. The emotions of yesterday still carry a huge weight today. I cried more than I’ve cried in a long time. Owen felt my emotions and that caused even more behavioral issues. Staying calm is truly one of the best things I can do, but crying got me through those rough edges. His smile is as big as his beloved moon today, but the rays are my pure son shine. The clouds will clear and the sun will shine again. Find your strength and look for the silver lining in your days. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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