I’m staring at a piece of popcorn on the table I’ve yet to clean off tonight, sipping my coffee, trying to figure out how to keep from crying, and helping Owen understand spitting at me is not an option. We were laying in bed and he was fighting sleep. I was not. I had my eyes closed. This upsets him when I fall asleep before him. He wants me to hold him, not fall asleep, and be the blanket fixer-upper that he purposely kicks off every few minutes. He is also learning how to share, process, and understand emotions. The problem is sometimes those collide. He doesn’t understand or maybe he does that his spitting on me and hitting me causes me to be upset. It also causes me to completely wake up and that’s his goal. I want to rejoice in the fact that he is now learning how to spit also for the proper reasons like brushing his teeth. And I’m thankful he is starting to grasp the different range of emotions that people can have. The day was emotional. Car rides are becoming extremely hard for him again and he screamed and cried all the way home. Every single light caused him to scream at the top of his lungs, flailing in his seat. I wanted to kiss the ground when we got into the safety of our home. He heard a song about hot chocolate and he asked for “hot chocolate please”. I was quite shocked but we tried it. He didn’t like the hot chocolate but I only had a mint-flavored one left. He took multiple sips before saying “throw it in the trash” so we will try it again. We were painting the backgrounds of our paintings and he said he wanted to paint a “square owl”. We paint together using a hand over hand method working on his fine motor skills. When we were finished with the backgrounds we worked on his square owl. “Make the eyes”, he said, after painting the square. We put the lines in them. “It needs a smile” he went on. I said how about a beak. I told him a beak could be a triangle. Next, we made triangle wings. Then he wanted to paint a rectangle so at the bottom there are feathers. He painted legs and told me he wanted to paint shoes but decided on only legs. When he was done he wanted to add another circle around the eyes and “glasses like mommy”. I’m always amazed at the words he uses. Some phrases are exactly the phrases we’ve worked on for years trying to learn communication and others are his thought process and it’s amazing to see. Sometimes the words I write are too real, too emotional, that I can’t, I can’t put them on paper. I change them or reword them. This is my baby. But one day I know he’ll read this, I know in my heart he will, and I want him to be able to see how far he has come. Every day I tell him I love him and that he is amazing. Even on our days of struggle, I want him to see the obstacles he climbed over and succeeded through. The toughest road isn’t always the hardest journey when love is your motivation. Find your inspiration and motivation and watch your world change. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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