Owen walked on the serious side of life today. This happens. You can see it in his face. He thinks through all of his exchanges more, he smiles less, and his anxiety increases. I sat down at our table, holding my phone. It wasn’t on and I wasn’t even looking at it. The screams started instantly. He ran to me trying to stop me from making a phone call I wasn’t even making. The screams continued. The meltdown was escalating quickly and I could tell if I didn’t stop it the train would be derailed. I started rapid-firing questions at him, trying to distract him, and bring him back to the now. He started crying within the next breath it seemed. It started then. “Schools over”, he said. He repeated it and repeated it and repeated it again. He yelled for his teacher and the screams started again. The swig of coffee really doesn’t stop my tears sometimes. It’s been months now and he hasn’t seen his teacher or gone to school, but he still has every single one of his emotions balled up inside of him. I held him, trying to help him find peace. My heart aches for him. He still doesn’t understand this. It’s hard for me to understand any of it. He wanted a lot of input today and he wanted to be held as he fell asleep. I think back to the morning and how it started. He’s on his shrimp kick and it was pretty much requested for all the meals. He had a hard time answering questions today, but he repeated a lot of words and phrases back to me. Questions are hard for him. I try to ask him once that he can answer, but also not overload him with them because I know they can be hard for him to process. I want him to understand that he has to answer me though. And then there’s that fine line again. If I push too hard or ask too many questions more meltdowns happen. One of the hardest emotions I deal with is not being able to know my son’s thoughts or how he is feeling. I want him to know that I am here for him and we will get through it as a team. I pray every day for his growth and understanding. I tell him he is amazing and can do anything he sets his mind to. Never give up, know that today is one moment in time, and you too are amazing. Live life to the fullest. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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