I woke with Owen laying on my back. And I woke with a start. He was laying on the very edge of the bed because I was faced inward. How long has he been like that. The good news I hardly move in my sleep, but he easily could have fallen right off the edge. My nightstand has glass on it. My first thought was bye-bye nightstand. I guess that was my second thought because I needed him to move to the other side of the bed. I can’t move him over me like I used to. Now he’s bigger, stronger, and when he doesn’t want to do something he doesn’t want to do something. I was able to convince him to move. He slept restless, needing to have my hair in his hands. My mind works overtime trying to come up with an alternative. He stopped doing it for a while, but here we are full circle again. There are so many steps for his bedtime process we go through. I try to keep it consistent for him every night. It seems to help the routine, but then when something doesn’t go according to plan it throws everything off for him. I feel like everything is a guessing process for me. I tried sound at night, but he seemed to wake up more. Then I even question that. How can he possibly be waking up more when he wakes up every night. I’ve tried multiple supplements, with him only to have the adverse effects of what we wanted them for. Essential oils seem to cause a huge burst of energy for him instead of the calming effect it should have. And how many do you try until you get the right one. His bed feels like a cacophony of lights, sounds, and textures, but I try to let him decide what is calming for him. He has a lovey that sings a lullaby. Some nights he will hold it and fall asleep in minutes. Other nights he will start to play the tune only to catapult it across the room because he knows that if he drops it the noise will turn off. But there it sits ready for the choice to happen. The soft blanket, the small one, the stretchy one, and the one he loves to wrap himself entirely in are all there waiting for their night. Pillows of all shapes, sizes, and textures are intertwined with the blankets. I wonder sometimes if it is all too much so I simplify the choices only to have him scream his request of what is missing. One day at a time, one moment at a time, and one breathe at a time we get through our days. Today and always I’m learning and growing as much as he is. Through the rain, the sun will shine again. Find your strength and push forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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