“Stay home,” I think was the first thing Owen said to me when he got up around three. He then requested chocolate milk and cereal. I told him that it was bedtime and he needed to go back to bed. He requested his tablet. At that point, I told him he could have his tablet if he went back to bed. I drifted in and out of sleep, thankful this doesn’t happen as often as it used to. He was in a good mood for most of the day. He saw our crockpot sitting on the counter and he said, “it’s a cookie jar it’s a treasure chest open the present.” I love how he thought through the process of what it was and what it looked like. His imagination is incredible. I asked him do you want waffles or sausage dog? He said, “I want church please.” He ate a lot today, starting with a breakfast of two sausage pancake dogs. He was watching a video with the character whistling and I asked him if he could whistle. Before I started doing it myself he started blowing air from his mouth. As quickly as he has been teaching himself how to play the harmonica I bet it won’t be long until he can whistle. He told me that he wanted his Spider-Man tablet and before I could tell him that it didn’t have enough battery since it just got back on the charger he said, “It’s not going to last long needs to charge still it not ready yet.” I am pretty sure he might know every word we have ever said to him. I was kissing the top of his head making big smooch sounds when he was sitting on the couch playing with his tablet and he started laughing. I love hearing his laugh. It’s music to my soul. Today was like the coolest day ever. He asked to take a bath earlier in the day. I believe it was because he was preparing for his Sunday to start. I always fill his tub with lots of bubbles. He asked for a “bubble head” which he had never done before for me. He wanted me to stack the soap bubbles on his head. I got the handheld mirror and let him look at his face. He was watching them pop and adding more on his own by scooping them up as I showed him. Then he was combing his hair, calling it brushing. He was loving watching himself with bubbles and combing his own hair. He was talking to himself about the bubbles and then told me he wanted tomato sauce to pour over his head. Then he started making music with the comb teeth by running his finger on them. When he was in the tub he said, “knee in the water in da mud don’t hurt your knee in the mud” and it was like he was referring to when we went to the park to ride his bicycle and purposely put his knee in the mud. He put himself into bed at about seven but he still had his tablet. I let him keep it for a while since he was the one that put himself to bed. He wasn’t coughing as much tonight but I could tell he was exhausted from being up so early. His prayer tonight was “dear God, thank you for church, Amen.” He was happy about going to church in the morning. He feel asleep quickly when I told him that I was taking his tablet so he could go night night. I’m thankful for today. It felt like amazing growth and some very cool stories. He seems to be feeling better. Let today be the guide for your victory of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I woke early and didn’t sleep much last night but thankfully Owen slept all night. He was back to the usual stand at the light switch deal. I once again had to tell him that he had to wait to turn the light off until I gave him his medicine. He wasn’t any more pleased than yesterday. Every day he is making great improvements and I’m hoping in the next few days he’ll feel like himself again. We sat in bed until it was time to get ready. He was quicker than most days when I told him that it was time to go, but he still wanted to do what he wanted to do, which is play with his tablet. We got out to the bus stop and he wanted to talk about penguins going into the igloos. He thinks it’s funny to say something and then retract it and say the opposite. So when he started talking about the penguins going into the igloos, he laughed and knew that penguins don’t generally go into igloos. He then started talking about what penguins do and what they don’t do and then he wanted to talk about everything being translated. It wasn’t long before his bus turned the corner. I always stand on the sidewalk waving to him, moving my hand back and forth like the I love you symbol and then moving it to the waving position. I always want him to know that I love him and I’m there for him until he can’t see me. He’s waved to me before, but it was always prompted. Today he waved to me as the bus was driving away on his own. That’s where the victory is in that moment. When he came home from school, he started talking about how it was Friday and we weren’t going to go anywhere on Saturday. He then talked about going to church on Sunday but kept referencing back that on Saturday he would be staying home. I told him that we could go someplace on Saturday and that we could even go to breakfast if he liked. Throughout the evening, he repeated that he wasn’t going anywhere for breakfast and that he was going to stay home but he also kept asking questions about breakfast so maybe it will be something we do. He ate a huge dinner with more shrimp again and he ate numerous snacks. Off to bed, he went with the Curious George rules and routine still in place. After he told me to go to bed I could hear him saying, “frogs eat bugs they’re delicious eat bugs nah frogs eat bugs.” He fell asleep quickly after that. The path of today will never be the path of tomorrow. Remember, it’s the soul-searching, it’s the growing, it’s the learning. Let the path be the destination, but not the solution. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I wonder if I can overthink overthinking. The answer, yes. It really isn’t that hard but here I am overthinking that I’m overthinking the overthinking. Thankfully Owen slept all night. I hardly slept a wink. He woke up and went right to the bathroom. He then was in potion at the light switch ready to turn it off as soon as I got my coffee. I however needed to give him his medicine so light switch duty would have to wait. He’s not a fan of it nor me wiping his nose even though he will sometimes request me to do it. Once all that was done to the bed we went where he made a fort out of all the blankets that I asked him not to move. I try to explain to him that he is in my bed and he can do any of that in his bed. This never goes over well so daily blanket forts it is. I’m liking that he is learning to blow his nose but it’s now like little Stay-Puft Marshmallow Men all over the house. When Owen is sick he gets very squeaky. It takes two point two seconds for him to melt down into a complete meltdown. He wanted his tablet but he couldn’t have his tablet for two reasons, we were out of time and he absolutely was not listening to any of my instructions. The hardest part is keeping him calm while trying to productively move him forward. That doesn’t always work and especially when we are in a time crunch. He also does not forget one thing, not one thing so his words and actions do not always reflect the moment we are in but could be from years earlier. He also holds on to the words I say, he learns from others, or even on videos. This adds another dimension to what he goes through and how careful I have to be with my words. I was able to distract him and get him out to wait for the bus. It wasn’t long before he was off to school. His teacher asks me later in the day if he goes to the beach in July. I told her that he has never gone to the beach but he loves talking about it and he has planned his whole pirate adventure. She was amazed at all the details he had given her without being there. That’s our boy I told her. I also told her he now wants to take a unicycle and pogo stick on the adventure and she told me unicycle was brought up when the letter of the day was U. When we left for therapy it was raining. His pants got wet. He had a huge meltdown all the way there because they were wet and he wanted to change. We got to therapy and I wrapped a trash bag around his legs so the rain wouldn’t get them. It breaks my heart that a raindrop on his pants causes him so much grief. It was like the Three Bears of therapy sessions. One went great, one went okay, and one was hard for him to handle. The rain continued. We came home and I prayed that we could get inside without a huge meltdown because his pants and mine were getting wet. It was not exactly easy but we got inside and he didn’t scream at me. I breathe. The screaming is hard to imagine. He asked for shrimp for dinner and when it was gone he asked for more shrimp. He ate it all. Bedtime was quick. I know he’s still exhausted from not feeling well but on the mend. I pray for a good night for him and to keep moving forward. Even in these moments of struggle, I see growth. Through challenges, our wings spread and we learn to fly. The story of how high we soar is what the journey is about. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I think it was a meeting of the minds this morning. I woke and went to the bathroom and Owen was already stirring. As soon as I was done he went into the bathroom. He immediately said no school. I debated if I should send him today but he has been eating well and very energetic. His fever had broken once I started him on the medicine so I told him that he could go to school if he wanted. I knew it would take him a bit to process it all. I told him his teacher missed him. As soon as I said that his eyes lit up and he started repeating her name. I told him he could decide. I didn’t want to push him but I also knew he would be extremely happy if he went. He quickly got dressed and we were out the door to the bus. We stood waiting for the bus and he said he wanted to “farm a small potato.” I wasn’t sure if he meant a small potato or the characters from Small Potatoes. Either way, he laughed and said, “you can farm a small potato in French.” When he came home from school the bus driver was talking to him and asking him questions. I love how invested the drivers and the aides are with him on both the morning and afternoon buses. He must have told the bus driver when he got on the bus that he was going to ride his bicycle when he got home because when he was getting off the bus the driver asked him several questions. Owen told him he was going to ride his bike and the bus driver asked him a couple of questions about it before he left the bus. I told him I wasn’t sure if we were going today. I wanted to see how he sounded and felt before I made the decision. When I told him that we probably wouldn’t go, he said, “exercise I need the exercise.” I think he’s figured the system out. We had a very warm day and I was afraid the wind and weather mind be too much for him so we stayed home. He was very calm about it. The rest of the night flew by and I am glad he is feeling better. He asked for his weighted blanket today and that was the first time he has asked for it on his bed. He also wanted me to cover him with it. I’m thankful he is feeling better and he was excited that tomorrow is his favorite day. Find comfort in your soul and let your heart play a beautiful melody of strength and encouragement. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The rollercoaster ride was in full swing today. I never imagined how many emotions I could feel in one day and wondering which ones are emotional for no reason besides I’m being emotional and which ones needed to be validated. Owen woke about eight. I could tell he was feeling much better as soon as I saw him. Thankfully his fever was down and the meds were working. He wanted food and lots of it today. He hadn’t lost his appetite over the last few days but today he asked for everything. His routine is anything but routine right now and every day he is questioning every day, repeatedly, and then over and over again, and then back to questioning and repeating his questions repeatedly. My heart aches for him and yet there is not one thing I can do. “Stay home Tuesday,” was repeated throughout the day. Then it changed to “stay home Wednesday” the later in the day it got. His foot started thumping the floor with his nervous energy when he yelled he was staying home tomorrow and not going to see his teacher. It’s like she has been taken away forever from him because he wasn’t there today and we didn’t prepare him for this sickness. I cried out to God more times than I can count praying for answers, solutions, and clarification of all the things that have no clarifications. The tooth fairy is gone with tooth but we searched all over for her and the tooth that is gone. I told him I would give him a lollipop without the tooth fairy but he needed his tooth. He wanted to eat grass and bugs to bring back his tooth. I explained it doesn’t work that way but truly how does it work. Laundry was not a good idea to do today even though I had to do laundry from all the messes that were made from top to bottom during the day. I put laundry on my bed to finish putting it away. It was eight shirts, a nightgown, one of his shirts, and some pajama bottoms and this caused hours of meltdowns, hours. It’s not even that stuff isn’t out laying around other places it’s how he has his mind already decided where certain stuff needs to be and where other stuff can’t be. My bed can have nothing on it for some reason. He goes into complete meltdown even if there is a piece of paper on it. I’ve gotten it so I can have my laptop sitting on it because I caught him almost throwing it on the floor. There are several places in my house that he can’t handle anything else being there. He went back and forth about staying home Wednesday. Then he said, “you feel sick” because he is trying to process being out of routine. Owen finished his dinner and trying to wipe his face is like trying to hold an octopus while it’s playing ping pong and fending off guppies and it especially hard now that he has been sick and is in sensory overload. I pray when he wakes up he can go back to school tomorrow. I’m not going to push it if he sleeps late but his medicine seems to be getting him in the right direction. Bedtime happened quickly and he was out almost immediately. My heart says make him go to school tomorrow to help his routine but I also know this is all hard on him. I keep telling myself no decision has to be made until the final decision has to be made if he goes. I know that his teacher will be happy to see him and it would be great for him to get back into routine. Even through our challenges today I saw growth and I know that he will be happy when his routine returns. Make your heart happy, your soul wise, and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
It’s hard, harder than hard when your child is sick and it breaks my heart. Owen was awake by three and he immediately started talking to me about his nose. He sounded worse than yesterday and I was concerned about his cough. The concept of blowing one’s nose is not exactly the easiest thing to explain. I went back and forth with him trying to get him to actually blow his nose. He’s getting pretty good about blowing out through his mouth but the nose is a whole other concept. He is understanding how to use a tissue, but he doesn’t technically use a tissue. He grabs it out of the box, gets it relatively close to his nose, then shakes it around, he might hit his nose, and then throws it wherever he is. This is farther than we’ve ever gotten with this before. He also does not understand the concept of not coughing in someone’s face, or near their face, or beside their face, or toward their vicinity. This is all something we have to work on. He won’t be going back to school tomorrow and possibly on Wednesday. As the morning went on, his cough seemed to increase. I called his doctor because I was concerned that it was a lot more than it was yesterday. At first, we went through different protocols that we would work through and I was to bring him in the morning if he did not break the fever. About an hour later, the doctor called back to say that his strep test was positive now. She called in some medicine for him and I was able to get them later in the afternoon. He sat at the table using two tablets at the same time, with the same app opened on each, and two different cars, driving them down the roadway at the same spot on the two different tablets, singing the song in the background of the app that goes with it. It is amazing how well he can do this but he can’t do other types of fine motor skills. He started saying he wants to eat cars, bugs, insects, rocks, and grass. And he may or may not by trying. I’m not sure where this has come from. I gave him numerous baths because I wanted to calm down his fever. When he got in the bath, one of the times, he said he wanted tomato juice so he can pour it over his head and be red Owen. I am not really sure why he decided he wanted tomato juice or to pour it over his head but he requested it numerous times throughout the day. He’s still looking for his tooth that he lost yesterday, even though he keeps telling me that he knows it went to the tooth fairy. He said, “my tooth my tooth where’s my tooth” and starts crawling on the ground to look for it. Within a few hours of Owen taking the medicine, his cough already sounded better. He fell asleep almost instantly, and he hardly coughed as he lay there. I pray for a good night's rest for him, for me. He’s sad about missing school tomorrow. I’m thankful he was very active today despite how he was feeling. It gave me a lot of hope as the day wore on. In life, there is a rollercoaster of emotions but remember you are not alone is this journey of life. Smiles to all and donut daze!
My eyes actually woke up before his did but I wanted mine to close quickly, his did not. I think it was my bladder that really was the problem but Owen was standing next to me a little after three requesting his tablet, telling me about his tooth, and saying he didn’t have to go potty. I just blinked. Three would quickly turn into four and four to five and five was like every day so we might as well get up. To say today was emotional is probably the understatement of the day. Sickness is hard on him, any and all sickness is hard. It’s also amazing how calm he was off and on throughout the day before and after everything happened. It felt like one thing after another kept happening and everything was something. He was extremely concerned that he was not going to church this morning. That kind of ruled the whole day ahead. He watched a video and he made numerous connections to other things he wanted to do. He saw a chair flying and he talked about sitting. A flying tire went by and he said that we needed a rope to hang it in a tree. He wants the tire swing to be able to swing like Mrs. Cow from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Now that I think almost all of his baby teeth are gone I should understand when he’s about to lose a tooth. He kept saying all morning that he was losing a tooth and I kept telling him his teeth were growing in, he was right I was wrong. I knew he had three adult teeth growing in and I thought he had a while longer till he lost another one. He wiggled it out and then he came to me to tell me it was gone. I asked him if he had it, but he wanted me to come to his room to look under his pillow. He still had it in his hand, but he wanted me to come and put it under his pillow so that the tooth fairy would come. We went to his room and he lifted his pillow and he put it under there and then I was afraid that he was going to take the tooth and eat it. Not that it would be a huge problem, except for him, swallowing his tooth, but he just really didn’t need to eat it. Thankfully I had bought extra lollipops knowing that was probably what he would want once he put it under his pillow and I was able to convince him to leave the room for a few minutes while I put the lollipop where the tooth was. He ran into the room to retrieve his reward. After that, he continued to look up games for dentistry for kids. He decided not only does he want a unicycle, but he wants a pogo stick. It should be interesting. I think the pogo stick would be easier to learn than the unicycle, but I’m not really sure. He repeatedly asked what tomorrow would bring and he knows his schedule. He is supposed to go to his vision therapy club but if he’s sick, we may not be able to go. His emotions are all valid and I want to make sure that he understands that but it’s hard sometimes when my emotions are so wrapped up and he needs that instant gratification right away and I’m thankful for his growth. I’m thankful that he wants to use tissues even though they were all pulled out of the box when I walked into his bedroom. Through challenges, I find growth and through progress, I see the hope for tomorrow. Keep your dreams alive, your heart ready for love, and your belief in the goodness of others. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen slept so close to all night long. Well, I call five o’clock in the morning all night long. I was thankful he slept that late. And I was thankful he woke up in a good mood. His fever is not gone but he has not thrown up anymore. He was a little snotty but he kept coming to me, saying, “blow a nose.” He lets me help him with a tissue now and will attempt to rub it himself. He used to run from me every time I would attempt to wash his face or rub his nose. He will try to blow his own nose by breathing in and out but it’s more through the mouth and not necessarily productive through his nose. Thankfully, in general, he was in a good mood. There were times when his tablet or the TV would not do something that he wanted it to do so the squealing would begin. His words would say the answers, but his emotions don’t necessarily understand how the words apply to the situation. He said, “it’ll come back please try again it’s the internet it slow” and the words would continue and repeat every time the internet was slow. He was in high sensory alert all day but still in a great mood. Having this virus adds a heightened level of sensitivity to his mouth as well. He is already very aware of his teeth growing in but with his fever and runny nose he is feeling the movement of his teeth even more. “Loose a tooth twist a tooth lose a tooth it’s growing in twist a tooth,” he continued to say throughout the day over and over and over. He would come up to me, showing me his mouth. He has three growing in at the same time and his dentist said that as sensitive as he is he probably feels all the movements. Over the last few days, he has repeatedly tried to download all the different apps that he had when he was in school. Some of these apps are from when he was in kindergarten, first, and second grade. His memory is amazing. He keeps trying to open the apps and then put in the password that he knew from three or four years ago. For some of the apps I’ve been able to get home versions, but other ones are school related and there’s nothing that I can download. He keeps asking if he gets to go to church tomorrow and I have to tell him that he can’t because of his fever. Once he asked me about church, he then said, “Saturday be home with mommy.” He’s trying everything to verify his routine again and then add in the fact that he has Monday off for a teacher planning day is heightening his concerns. This all causes more disruption to his routine. He’s eating pretty well and I can tell he is already feeling better than yesterday. We laughed a lot and he smiled more. I’m thankful for that during this sickness. Be brave in the moment, strong in the victories, and thankful for the hope of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Exhaustion is exhausting. We’ve been sleeping better, but it just all catches up to you. Owen’s words are amazing and I’m beyond thankful that he is talking and able to share his emotions. It is also exhausting though. As much as his words are amazing he wants answers for everything instantly. He starts squealing when he doesn’t get his answers and then he starts asking them again until I answer. Plus, I have to answer the way he wants me to answer or it starts again. Learning to break the cycle for both of us is hard and when you are trying to do one thing and he is doing the opposite you have to focus on one or the other. I remind us both to breathe and I redirect. He had a good morning and did great about getting ready for school. A little bit of the squealing took place when he was trying to put his shoes on but I push forward and let him get ready. There’s a fine line between helping him get ready and trying to do what I need to do and also keeping him from having a meltdown. I don’t want to help him too quickly because he needs to learn how to do things on his own to promote independence but I also want him to know that I am there in case he can’t do something. It feels like a guessing game and I don’t always guess right. He wanted to wear his “green camo jacket please.” It wasn’t as cool today outside so I let him wear his camo jacket which is thinner weight and especially since he asked so nicely. We went out to wait for the bus and he was very excited. He was talking about his day and going to therapy. He always likes to tell our neighbor bye when she leaves her house. He said, “she’s leaving she left” as she pulled away. I love all these words and connections. My day was made when the bus aide told me he told her, “I love my mommy” yesterday. I cling to those words and they stamp a permanent smile on my heart. I picked him up from school and I took him to therapy. I’m thankful he got to go again today. When I sit in the parking lot too long or he thinks I need to get through a light quicker he will say, “room up.” I’m not sure where this expression comes from but it’s back in circulation for us again. He did well at therapy. We came home and had a very quiet evening. He fell asleep laughing and I’m hoping that he sleeps all night again. I hold his words dear to me because they will continue to help him grow and become more independent. Sing a song with a melody that strikes a chord to your soul and do great works. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The morning went incredibly fast. I’m truly thankful for the sleep that we’ve been getting even if I keep waking up very early. He was a little anxious when he first got up, but he quickly moved to our daily routine. He sat next to me playing with his tablet. He pushes on me and I believe it’s for sensory input. He has an app that has all the apps from the same company all together but the company also has them each individually priced. Even though he has every one of the apps in the main grouping, he still wants to go to each individual app alone. Every time he opens one of the apps, and it’s not the full version he says, “it cost money.” Then he tells me he has the app. I try to get him to understand it’s the same thing it’s just grouped together, but he still likes each one separate and he knows I’m going to tell him he can’t have the app again because he already has the app. I gave him a couple of extra minutes with his tablet this morning before he had to get dressed so I think that helped make him a little calmer. We finished getting ready and we went out to wait for the bus. We talked about the little things and he was excited that he was going to ride his bike when he got home from school. When he came home on the bus there was a rock on the bus step as he exited. “It’s a rock we don’t eat the rock,” he said as he put it up to his mouth. Thankfully I was able to get it from him before he fully put it in his mouth. This is a new old thing for him. He knows he’s not supposed to put things in his mouth, yet he shows me that he’s putting things in his mouth. He was immediately ready to go meet our advisor for his program but we had a few minutes before we had to leave and I told him we would get a snack first and then go. He was very excited to see his advisor. I talk to her all the time on the phone for our meetings, but this time we met in person. When I told him we were meeting with her he said he wanted to show her his bike so we met at the park. To say, my child’s memory is amazing is the understatement of the year. He remembered what she was wearing the last time we saw her. He did amazing on his bike. This is the first time he’s ridden this style of bike and he was able to do it within a few moments. He generally rides a tricycle or a balance bike. With the tricycle, the pedals are more forward, and his new bike is up and down and so it was a different motion for him, but he was able to quickly adapt and it was a beautiful thing. It had rained earlier in the day and so the basketball court that he was riding on had a few mud puddles. Owen loves mud. Owen hates mud. He likes to dip his knee in puddles. He does not get happy when his jeans have puddle mud on them. He had a meltdown because he had puddle mud on them. He was very upset about his pants being wet and it was time to go but I had to get him calm. I was able to redirect him after several minutes of breathing exercises. He was anxious so I asked him if he wanted to still ride his bike or if he was ready to go. He wanted to keep talking about the mud on his pants. I asked him if he wanted his tablet when we got back in the car and he said yes so I told him if he wanted his tablet he needed to ride around on his bike one more time. I was trying to use this tactic to redirect him after his breathing helped him, but it didn’t completely calm him. Once he got riding, then he did it several more times, and he was calmer about the mud on his pants. He wanted a tissue to be able to wipe off his pants even though it wasn’t going anywhere. I try to explain to him that he didn’t have to put his knee in the mud but it was his choice to put his knee in the mud. This is how a lot of the meltdowns occur is because he is learning or processing something by doing an action that he doesn’t necessarily like and then I have to find ways to help him calm himself back down. Thankfully, he moved forward, rode his bike multiple times, and was able to then get in the car, have his tablet, and be calm, mostly. He truly did amazing with riding his bike and on the way home he wanted chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger. He was in a good mood when we got home, and the mud was quickly forgotten. He was ready for bedtime and did all of the steps without problems. His prayer tonight felt honest and real, and my heart could relate, “Dear God, Hey, Amen.” the roller coaster ride of life is always changing but the amazing thing is we get to see the progress of life and choose the attitude we want to move forward with. I always tell Owen that kindness and grace are what will get us through our days. Let your heart be happy for the little victories and know that they will lead to great joy. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
April 2024
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