I have to believe in the miracle of tomorrow to make that miracle happen. I keep telling myself that but today I woke up sad and already struggling.
Off to school, the boy went. Happy as a clam. Owen woke late. He didn’t want to get out of bed. He kept telling me “wanna hug.” I told him soon as he got out of bed I would hug him. He has a huge tent over his bed so he was in the corner and I couldn’t get to him.
He ran off to the bathroom and I got more coffee. I somehow was as quiet as a mouse and got my first cup of coffee without waking him. I think the pool wore him out. I know it did me. He came to sit with me and he wanted me to play his game with him. The days when he is calm and excited about spending time with me are the best.
He was asking to go to the library this week. I told him that he probably could at some point. We once again have numerous activities and appointments. I talked to him about us not going last week. I’m not sure if it helped but I want him to understand he made a choice not to go. Sometimes I think he can’t process it because the week before he wanted to do something all the time.
We got outside to wait for the bus and he went through each person he wanted to see, saying “I hope so” after their names. He can’t let it go. Once his routine is disrupted by a schedule or people not being there it is hard for him to bounce back from it. The bus came and he about knocked me over from his excitement. Off he went and I hoped all his people would be there too.
I picked him up from school and off we headed to his music therapy. He had two things on his mind and we discussed it all the way there. He wanted to know what his music therapist was wearing and I told him I didn’t know so he said, “We’ll have to wait and see.” And he wanted to know if all his people were going to be at school tomorrow. It was also a “we’ll have to wait and see.” He worked on writing an awesome tune with his therapist and he sang it for me after his session. I’m so thankful for this amazing opportunity for him.
I was trying to talk to him about all the things he did today and what we should have for dinner. I asked him several questions and he didn’t respond. He was playing with his tablet. This is where I try to not get emotional. It feels like he is ignoring me but I’m sure it has to do with processing. But it’s still emotional. He’s right there and most of the time I have to get him to interact with me. When he did respond he asked for the one food we don’t have, knowing we don’t have it.
A few minutes later he gave me his tablet because it needed to be plugged in. He stood screaming at me because he wanted to make sure all his people would be back tomorrow. He continued to make sure I knew he was riding the bus home tomorrow. I pray each day for him to have comfort in his mind and know that people have appointments or get sick sometimes. And I pray for strength for us to keep moving forward.
The last few years have been hard. I wake up some mornings and I’m so cold. I grieve for how much my world has changed. I want things to happen in my time but I pray a little harder and dig a little deeper. It’s in the waiting and I know that we have both come so far. Each day I have to remember that we need to focus on the good stuff. And today was a good day. Owen was very calm all evening for the most part and that helps me. Be bold, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Off to school, the boy went. Happy as a clam. Owen woke late. He didn’t want to get out of bed. He kept telling me “wanna hug.” I told him soon as he got out of bed I would hug him. He has a huge tent over his bed so he was in the corner and I couldn’t get to him.
He ran off to the bathroom and I got more coffee. I somehow was as quiet as a mouse and got my first cup of coffee without waking him. I think the pool wore him out. I know it did me. He came to sit with me and he wanted me to play his game with him. The days when he is calm and excited about spending time with me are the best.
He was asking to go to the library this week. I told him that he probably could at some point. We once again have numerous activities and appointments. I talked to him about us not going last week. I’m not sure if it helped but I want him to understand he made a choice not to go. Sometimes I think he can’t process it because the week before he wanted to do something all the time.
We got outside to wait for the bus and he went through each person he wanted to see, saying “I hope so” after their names. He can’t let it go. Once his routine is disrupted by a schedule or people not being there it is hard for him to bounce back from it. The bus came and he about knocked me over from his excitement. Off he went and I hoped all his people would be there too.
I picked him up from school and off we headed to his music therapy. He had two things on his mind and we discussed it all the way there. He wanted to know what his music therapist was wearing and I told him I didn’t know so he said, “We’ll have to wait and see.” And he wanted to know if all his people were going to be at school tomorrow. It was also a “we’ll have to wait and see.” He worked on writing an awesome tune with his therapist and he sang it for me after his session. I’m so thankful for this amazing opportunity for him.
I was trying to talk to him about all the things he did today and what we should have for dinner. I asked him several questions and he didn’t respond. He was playing with his tablet. This is where I try to not get emotional. It feels like he is ignoring me but I’m sure it has to do with processing. But it’s still emotional. He’s right there and most of the time I have to get him to interact with me. When he did respond he asked for the one food we don’t have, knowing we don’t have it.
A few minutes later he gave me his tablet because it needed to be plugged in. He stood screaming at me because he wanted to make sure all his people would be back tomorrow. He continued to make sure I knew he was riding the bus home tomorrow. I pray each day for him to have comfort in his mind and know that people have appointments or get sick sometimes. And I pray for strength for us to keep moving forward.
The last few years have been hard. I wake up some mornings and I’m so cold. I grieve for how much my world has changed. I want things to happen in my time but I pray a little harder and dig a little deeper. It’s in the waiting and I know that we have both come so far. Each day I have to remember that we need to focus on the good stuff. And today was a good day. Owen was very calm all evening for the most part and that helps me. Be bold, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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