To say today was interesting might be the most interesting understatement possible. Maybe overwhelming is a better word, for both of us. Everything that could have been something was something. Owen woke around six but went right to his tablet. The screaming started immediately. He ran to me as the screams rocked the house. His finger was clamped between his teeth when he handed me his tablet. It had completed an update but it wanted me to confirm all the options. This was enough to send him into his first meltdown. It was a complex mix of moments because as soon as I handed him his tablet he was happy, this after me telling him to go to the bathroom while I fixed the tablet and him screaming “no panda’s happy.” All the words and actions blend together in our world and me trying to keep up sometimes is like always knowing I’m going to be a step behind but trying to figure out how to get ten steps ahead. When he ran to play he turned on the tv which led to the second meltdown, no internet. Technically there was internet but it was so slow it kept sputtering and would stop every second. Thankfully, I was able to reset the modem and router and the internet was going again. He was happy until I turned on the lights. There are only so many things you can do without the lights and getting coffee is not one of them. I suppose technically I could but it’s easier if I can actually see my cup. “No milk today” was shouted from the other room and I told him I would only get him milk when he was ready. I didn’t even attempt to turn my bedroom light on because I could see where this was going. Yet with all of these moments, he was laughing and interacting with me. Once I got my coffee and sat down he turned the lights off in the kitchen and crawled into bed with me to have me not play his game. He likes to ask me to play a game on his tablet and then as soon as I make a move that he does not like he is off with tablet in hand and then he will be right back in my room wanting me to play again. And that was about the first thirty minutes of our day. I got Owen ready to go to grandma’s house. He was happy but he was also very concerned about his day and what I was wearing. When we got to grandma’s house it took him several times to go in and out of the house and then to me, hugging me, fixing my pants, making sure my shoes were covered by my pants, and telling me goodbye before I could actually leave. He needed a lot of sensory input and confirmation of his emotions. He stayed with his grandma for several hours. I had asked him before we left our house if he wanted to go ride the elevators before or after seeing his grandma, he chose after. So as soon as I got there to pick him up he asked about going to the elevators. I didn’t really want to go because of how on edge he felt but I love that he wanted to go so we went. His mood from earlier carried to the elevators. He told a lady to wear blue pants. She handled it well. He said, “wear blue pants tomorrow.” She said, “I will.” She went on to say she wore blue pants yesterday. She was very nice about everything and told us to have a good day. I told him that he can’t tell everyone to wear blue pants because some people can’t wear blue pants or don’t like them. He said, “why not blue pants” so there you go. When he was with his grandma I cleaned. This is never easy because everything has a place even if I don’t know that it has a place. Within seconds of walking in our door, he was in overload and ran from one part of the house to the next. This is why cleaning is hard, this is why having extra objects in my house is hard, and this is why I’m trying to declutter our world. I try to breathe. Moving one object might be fine if it’s not an object he wants in a particular spot and this object may not even be something I think is on his radar. Two chairs were swapped in location and this caused problems, the blanket he likes was folded instead of crumpled on the couch, his vacuum was moved, and the list goes on. He got the things back in the places he needed and moved on to the next room. The rest of the evening went fast and he requested multiple dinners. His laughter is what keeps me going and his singing is joy to my soul. God is my rock and all I do some days is pray. I always say I roar at God, begging him for strength and mercy. And what I try to remember is his plan is greater than mine. That’s the hard part, the waiting. Believe in the miracle yet to happen and the rewards will be outstanding. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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