I keep thinking about how our days forward are always influenced by our days gone by. Owen woke around four and thankfully I convinced him to go back to sleep. He then slept until a little after seven. School starts Monday. We might need to adjust our sleeping a little bit. Today was one of those days he couldn’t process everything. He was in a good mood but sometimes it is still very hard for him to comprehend. He knew he was going to grandma’s house, he wanted to go, but he couldn’t concentrate on the actual going to grandma’s house. It took him over two hours to eat his breakfast. I said to him numerous times that we could go and he didn’t want to leave his waffles. At this point, I said if he didn’t get ready he wouldn’t have enough time to go see his grandma because of his therapy. He finally got going. I have to remember my expectations are different than his expectations and the way I process things is different than how he processes things. He also has no true concept of time yet he completely understands it. I’ve been told to push through it all and continue to go places and he will get used to it or adapt. This is not always true nor does it constantly or consistently work. Owen likes to spend several hours with his grandma on Saturday. He also likes the routine of this. One Saturday he could not stay as long because my parents had plans. I dropped him off, stayed gone for about an hour, and came back with a salad and pizza for our lunch. I brought the food in and stayed in the kitchen. I didn’t talk to him and started eating. I thought this would give him more time for his routine. He heard me and he had a huge meltdown. He was crying and pushing me to leave. He couldn’t handle it. I left. I came back in about thirty minutes after my mom texted me he was calmer and now expecting me. She talked to him about what they were doing and why he couldn’t stay. She tried to explain to him about our schedule but he only understood his schedule. It can be crushing and nerve-racking to know what you say, do, or change will bring an instant meltdown to him. And it isn’t in just that moment. His actions and reactions can be hours, days, weeks, months, and even years later. He does not forget a thing. I have to push forward on everything I do. I picked him up from my mom’s house and I took him to therapy. I talked to his physical therapist about his leg and foot turning more inward. He was evaluated for this when he was younger but over the last month, it seems as though he has been stumbling over it more. As his body changes he will continue to need exercises and adjustments in dealing with this. His therapist is starting to do exercises to help with his posture, hips, and legs. There are so many parts to all of this. When we left therapy he wanted his chicken nuggets and cheeseburger. I told him we were going someplace different and getting him fish. I have been talking about this with him for about a month now so he could build up to it. Today was the day to get the fish. He was a little confused but as we went through the drive-thru he started saying he was getting fish. When we got home I put it on his plate and he said, “it’s delicious it’s fish.” He ate it all. I got him the three-piece. I forget how much he eats now. He was happy the rest of the evening and told me about his days ahead. This all felt like tiny little victories. I pray for these victories. Some days when I don’t feel like I do enough or miss something that feels like it should have been so obvious I remind myself that we have come so far. I can’t judge his book by the cover or even what’s written inside because we are still writing the pages. Until our story is done there are many more victories to be had. The hardest part should be the easiest thing and that is being kind to your own soul. We weren’t born with all the answers and trying to compare ourselves to another story is not fair to the victories we have obtained. Cheer yourself on and let the world see you shine. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.