I am not the only one who will be relieved when tomorrow finally comes. Owen woke early but at least he wasn’t awake all night long. The yelling, all the yelling. He now gets that it gets to me so he does it more and he gets louder. Waiting for the scream is what I do so much of the time. The screams aren’t all mad screams sometimes they are squeals of delight. Those are the ones I wish I heard more often. He woke wanting his tablet, chocolate milk, and to talk about his days ahead. I reminded him about being confident in his words and actions. I told him that he knew about those days and where he was going. I told him to say things with confidence and remind himself that he knew what was happening. I’m not sure if it was because it was the end of the week or because he was calmer about the days ahead but today he didn’t repeat himself quite as much. We got ready for church and we were off. On the way there I talked to him once again about confidence in his words and actions, hoping it would help. I went over the next two days with him and reminded him of who he would see. He was excited about church but he didn’t want to go to see Santa afterwards even though he had asked about him before church. I wasn’t going to push it. I asked him what he wanted for lunch and he said chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger. I have been eating so much junk food lately, letting the stress take over the eating for me. Why do we find hope in the food? When I wrote that I was thinking about all the stress eating I have been doing with all the emotions that sit heavy on my heart. Like today being two years since I lost my brother. But I also thought about all the hope I put into it with Owen. A friend’s suggestion, many articles, and tons of videos later I put him on a gluten and dairy-free diet for years. For me, it was the hope I needed. Within a few days of taking him off dairy, he was able to pull letters out of a box and say them. It was my miracle moment for my son. I am hoping he sleeps all night but all his favorite things return to their scheduled routine so he might be extra excited. I fixed his computer but not with the requested hairdryer and screwdriver he wanted me to use. He was extremely happy and that made my day. The hardest part is the hardest part. Every day can be a struggle through grief or even the happiest day of your life. Tomorrow is a full day of bus riding, school, music therapy, and vision therapy. I’m going to drop off his glasses that he broke and hopefully, they will be able to fix them also probably not with a hairdryer but maybe a screwdriver will be involved. We learn, we love, we grow and I’m thankful he had a good day. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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