To say I’m tired is an understatement. I’m not sure if emotional is before or after tired in the list but here I sit. The yelling is getting louder and more often. Owen can quickly read me and he sees how yelling immediately snaps me to attention. It’s hard to not show any emotions towards the screams. Some of his screaming isn’t used as an attention-getter but instead, it’s a reaction to something he doesn’t understand or can’t emotionally process at that moment. And I’m sure there is even more to it than I understand. There is no way to even explain the pandemic to him and how things are taken away as quickly as they are given back. He’s not sleeping much which means I’m not sleeping at all. This isn’t new but it’s one of those times where I wish we could sleep. He randomly yells, “goat” or “toaster” when we are working through emotions or if he doesn’t know the answer to a question I have asked him. I haven’t figure out his connection to those words but there is usually a reason. He doesn’t always use the word that is associated with the object. Like “birthday candle” meant “toenail” until recently and still occasionally says it. He also understands a lot more languages than I can even imagine and he certainly doesn’t understand why I don’t. He was watching the 101 Dalmatians. He would stop on the same dog each time that looked like it was frowning. He would say, “he sad ot oh” each time. I figure he has 101 emotions that he needs to work through. He then started watching it in Spanish. He stopped at the same place each time. French came next when he pulled up a different video and started serenading me with the song. All languages are like one big happy language to him. I told him he could have apple juice for lunch. He said, “no” but drank it. Before I poured his glass I asked him if he would rather have grape juice. He didn’t reply so I gave him the apple juice. For dinner, he asked for grape juice and drank it supporting a huge grape juice mustache. This is a big thing for him because chocolate almond milk is his go-to drink and about the only sweet thing, he truly has, unlike his momma who would love it if I lived on a ‘desserted’ island. I was reminded throughout the day how much his smile is what keeps pushing me forward. Through hidden tears and crocodile ones that fell to the floor I grew today. Find your motivation and keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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