Even though Owen woke up several times last night he at least was calm and talking about his day ahead. He was ready to go to school each time he woke up. He knew that when he got home today we were going to see the horses. I’m trying to keep his routine going for him. He had a much better day on the bus and his teacher told me he is doing well in school. I’m excited to see how this year unfolds for him. He is really working on his language skills. He talks to Siri and Alexa at the same time. It’s like he is holding a conversation with both of them. He asks one of them how to say something in Arabic and the other in Japanese. He then switches it up and asks for animal noises. These seem to make him laugh hysterically every time. He says, “Alexa whale noises in Japanese”. I think it makes him laugh harder asking her something she can’t do. When he came home from school today he got off the bus and immediately asked to go see the horses and then his teacher. It makes me so happy that he loves school and his teacher so much. He had a quick snack and we were off to the horses. He asked immediately when we got in the car if he could see the windows. I told him if he didn’t yell at me that on the way home he could see them. I still don’t know that it makes it better for him if I actually let him see the windows. It still seems to cause him anxiety. I wish he could explain to me why he wants to see them. When we got to the horses I think he was a little overwhelmed by the other animals. He wanted to see them all and the chickens were not coming over to him like he thought they should. We walked by the horses and he started talking to them. I asked him about each of the horses and he wanted to see their “teff”. He showed me his and pointed to them. When we left he told me he wanted chicken nuggets. We got his food and headed home. I told him that we would drive by the windows since he didn’t scream at me. By the time we got home, he was still anxious about seeing them and I think he wanted to go a different way but he got to see the windows. He ate every one of his ten nuggets and almost all of his fries, asking me for “more nuggets please”. I gave him some vegetables and that seemed to make him not as hungry. He only ate a few. He fell asleep asking about school, telling me he had therapy tomorrow, and he wanted a big hug. Tomorrow is another busy day for us. My smile comes from his laughter, my heart is filled with his joy, and my excitement is knowing that he is growing and learning. Today is the first day of the rest of your life so make it amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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The earth makes noise and everything on it makes even more noise and especially at four o’clock in the morning. Owen woke screaming, “turn it off”. He went on, “ouch”. I didn’t know what was happening. It seemed like the millionth time I had been woken up at this point. I agreed everything was making noises. He yelled louder. I didn’t know what was the matter. I asked him if he was feeling alright and he kept yelling, “turn it off”. I didn’t know if he was hurt or if something woke him. I tried to get him to answer me but the screams kept coming. How do you process everything in an instant, you don’t. I asked him if he heard the train. There were so many noises coming at once. When you live in the heart of the city you hear every noise at all hours of the night. I told him “the earth is making noises” because at four o’clock in the morning what else do you say. He told me to “turn the earth off”. Oh, how I wish I could I told him. He then heard a butterfly, the birds, a truck, an ambulance, the sky, popcorn, and I’m sure I’m forgetting about twenty other things. The train finally stopped and then he calmed a little. He wanted a “big hug” and he fell back asleep for a few minutes. It didn’t take long before “earth” was screamed at the top of his lungs. Noises are becoming more upsetting to him. It’s one of the reasons I changed rooms with him but he still comes to find me and my room is the loudest in the house. He won’t wear headphones but even at night that would be hard and I haven’t found a white noise that helps him relax. One day I will find the right combination. When we woke for the day he was ready for “school school school” and I am thankful that he loves it so much. He had a great afternoon at therapy and now is ready for his beloved school tomorrow. I’m thankful for a teacher that cares about her students and you can tell. He told me he had “spaghetti” today. I don’t know if he did but we had a conversation and that’s what matters. He had two things on his mind when he fell asleep, horses and school. We changed our day to see the horses since he is now in school. Tomorrow is a brand new day. We got this. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“Happy”, Owen said to me from the living room. It’s amazing how he’s paying attention to me but watching tv and playing on his tablet all at the same time. How on earth can the day be so incredibly happy and sadness wash over me every time I turn around. I had started to cry again when he heard me he then yelled, “happy”. He was ready for school this morning. He walked to the bus with a pep in his step. And when that bus came around the corner it was pure joy to watch the smile spread across his face. He can’t wait to go back to school. He asked since the moment he got home about going tomorrow. His teacher sent me a note home that said he had a great day. I know he will thrive with this new year. I also know that the bus is going to be extremely hard on him. The morning one not as much because he is going to school but the afternoon bus goes in different directions depending on the day of the week. He screamed when he got home. But he was also ready to go to the park with his friend. We had a snack and then got ready to go. I cried in the car thinking about everything. How do I even explain it when I don’t even understand what there is to explain. It’s all just hard. We will see how the rest of the week goes for him. It’s only the first day back to school I remind myself. Everything is new even though it is routine as well. We had fun at the park with our friends and he actually seemed to enjoy it. Sometimes it feels like he is going through the motions more than he is enjoying the activities. Tomorrow after school he has therapy and that will bring more routine to our day. I have to remember to keep moving forward. When we came home from the park he told me all the directions I was going but he still squealed and cried when I turned on several of the roads. But as soon as we got home he was fine. Some days it’s like he is processing it and other days it is more like he is going through the motions of how he is supposed to respond. He says my words right back to me, “I’m going right at the building the one with the words”. I pray for another great day in school and a better ride home. I pray for peace and comfort for all when the world seems to be hurting. My happiness wins today because I hold that huge smile he had on his face as he boarded the bus. Keep looking forward and find what makes your heart soar. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The dude has a very busy week ahead. Each day is filled with activities he loves. And, the big and is he has school. There was no yelling or saying “no” when I mentioned school this morning. It’s now August and he is ready but I think it has more to do with the countdown to school being over. We counted the days on the calendar until his return to his beloved teacher and routine of school. I think counting off the days was easier for him to understand than for me to tell him he would see his teacher in August. When it became August he knew he still had days to go. I think it was confusing for him when I would say it’s August but he still had another week until he would see his teacher. He reminded me several times today was church day. “We go to church”, he would say. I told him we had to get ready. I put his jeans out and his camo pants. I didn’t realize the jeans I gave him were too small. I told him he was going to have to put on the camo pants. He did it quickly without any hesitation and then he bent in half almost to look at them on his legs. He said, “I not angry they just grey” and went on “they not pedal pushers not sweatpants not shorts”. He is truly understanding all the different types of clothing now. And I have jeans that will fit him for school tomorrow. I’m so glad he is ready for his day. I was worried that maybe he wouldn’t want to go back to school but I think it was more of a timing thing. He talked about his teacher, the aide, and his friends that he would see tomorrow. I loved the excitement in his voice as he talked about it. He told me he was going to ride the bus and “not get in the car”. He loves riding on the bus. I can’t wait to see how he grows this year. I love his teacher and I know that she gives her heart to her kids. He wants to go to the park with his friend after school and I think it will be great for him to still get to his new Monday routine. Here’s to a great first day of school to my sweet baby O and I’m thankful for the joy it brings him. Be inspired by the world around you and know that you can make a difference. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I have come to the conclusion sleep is overrated. I think I stay up too late because I know I will be woken up numerous times at night. Owen woke early and excited to play his school apps he hadn’t worked on in a while. Maybe it’s sinking in that he is going back to school. When I talk to him about it his hands go to his ears, his foot beats the ground, and he says no repeatedly. But him playing with his school apps makes me realize he is processing it all. He didn’t miss a beat this morning though. He was ready to go see grandma and bowling. I’m trying new supplements with him once again. These seem to be working better for his sleep and anxiety. He was calmer today than he has been in a while even if he did talk to me about his babysitter he hasn’t seen in three years, turning right when we were in the house, and that he wanted chicken nuggets when he had chicken nuggets in front of him that he didn’t eat. My brain is filled with his chatter when I am trying to figure out my own thoughts sometimes. He also wants answers right away when I can’t always answer or I’m in the middle of doing something. He got mad because I had food in my mouth and I couldn’t repeat the words he was saying to Siri. She understood exactly what he was asking for but he still wants me to do it sometimes. When we got to bowling he was ready. When the people left that were next to our lane there was a kid’s ramp. He hadn’t used one in quite some time. He saw it and he wanted to use it. We threw our first few balls together and then he pointed to the ramp. I still get so excited when he points to things. I asked him if he wanted to use the ramp and at first, he said no but then he went towards it. I told him we could use it. He pulled it over, which I was shocked about, and he rolled the ball down. He didn’t get any pins down but he tried it a couple more times. After that, he pushed it out of the way and wanted to bowl with me again. I was kinda happy about that. We still bowl together with me mostly throwing it but the ramp feels a little like we were backtracking because he isn’t working on his muscle strength and coordination. If he wants to use it again I will still let him though. It is as much about him having fun as it is about learning the skill. When we left there we didn’t have time to go to the coffee shop because they were already close. We came home and he didn’t scream at me. He was a little agitated and made some noises but didn’t scream. I thanked him for that. I want him to understand that I appreciate it. He told me several times today “we don’t pull hair” as he was pulling my hair and that “I didn’t go straight” repeating my words back to me. He sang in Swedish I believe today and a language that I had never heard him sing and I’m going to have to see if I can figure it out. Our pirate conversations continued and in numerous languages. Our big goal for the day though was having him put his own pants on and I kept him from taking them off in the middle of the bowling lane, even though he kept pulling up his shirt numerous times. The animal parade was in full swing again and I can only wonder how many languages he knows how to say giraffe and buffalo in. Rejoice in your victories and know that you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The emotional rollercoaster ride is in full swing for us right now. Owen woke pretty early for his day. He knew he was going to see his grandma. He loves spending time with her. But he started asking to go about three o’clock in the morning when he came to get in bed with me. I was surprised I could convince him to go back to sleep. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to tell him his schedule but once he does something it is set in his routine or so he thinks and that’s it. I’ve told him he is going back to school on Monday. He is in emotional overload. He loved school last year and I know he will love it again but that isn’t part of this new routine to get him through the summer. We are supposed to go to the park with his friend on Mondays now, not school. Each day I tried to give him something to look forward to and that routine helped and also is set in stone that will now have to be chiseled away and the new old routine back in place. I am wondering if driving him by the school tomorrow will help. I also wonder if I could turn back time would I have sent him to summer school. I still don’t know if it helped him move forward. I do know that he chose to put “his blue pants today” on instead of having me put on his camo pants. He put them on backwards again but the effort is huge and he had to take them off and put them back on correctly. He loves watching cooking shows, especially the ones on the Disney channel. His new favorite is watching them make cauliflower steaks. I need to have him make the recipe with me and see if he actually eats it. My guess “no cauliflower steaks today” will be the words he says in his singsong manner. He was laughing so hard at Siri and Alexa taking turns sounding like different animals. He said, “this is a lion roar” and laughed and roared at the same time. He asked for more animals than I could imagine and he was making all the noises while listening to Old MacDonald on the tv. When he stopped making animal noises he moved on to saying their names in multiple languages. He especially likes it when the word is extremely similar to English but pronounced with their accent. He was laughing so hard he was on the floor with his feet in the air. He rolled close to our tv stand and he gave himself the advice “don’t hit your head be careful”, hearing my words once again coming from him. The day ended with him emotional about a “baby scissor” he hadn’t seen in several years but was happy that he was going to see grandma tomorrow and get to go bowling. The laughter is what I hold onto. It warms my heart with gladness on the days that I struggle through the sadness. Find your inspiration and watch it become your true motivation. Smiles to all and donut daze!
No means yes unless it means no or maybe it means yes when it is no until it means “not today”. I get so confused about what rule I’m supposed to be following or words I’m supposed to say. Owen was very tired today. He slept better than he has slept in a while and maybe that’s the problem. It seems like we are rule breakers with sleep. He was watching one of his new favorite shows Jake and the Never Land Pirates. He started telling me “no pirates today”. I thought why are we watching them then. And it was in Spanish. He kept telling me no pirates but he was ready to go see the horses. It’s like the complete juxtaposition of words. Everything is lined up exactly like I think it should be and then I realize I don’t completely understand. I can’t decide how Owen feels about the horses. He wants to go, he asks about going, he talks about the horses, he gets excited when we get there but he still doesn’t know how to react once we are there. I think it is still a learning curve for him. It’s also very loud in the stable but I ask him not to yell so it’s hard for him to understand that his yelling is hard on the horses. The horses make noise, plus fans and other things are going so I know it is confusing to him. He won’t wear headphones to block out noises so that is also hard for him. The older he gets maybe he will one day. When we have been there for a few minutes he wants to walk where the horses are but then he wants to go in a different direction. As soon as I start talking about leaving he will say “fifteen two more minutes” or some other combination of time. We are going to go again next week and then we might take a few weeks off to see if he continues to ask about them. I think it is great for him to experience new places and also learn that we have to act differently in each environment. He was able to calm himself several times today, counting to ten on his own and singing our song that we use for meltdowns. Our big victory for the day was him putting on his jeans all by himself, twice. I told him if he wanted to wear jeans he had to put them on otherwise I was going to put his camo pants on him. I walked into the other room and came back to him with his jeans on but they were backwards. I told him he did a great job but explained the difference of why they were backwards. I helped him take them off and walked out of the room again. I came back and he had them on correctly. I helped him button and zip them but he did it. This proves momma might need to give more challenges. Our second victory was when he told me to “turn left” instead of right. I’d prefer no backseat driver but at least if he is going to drive from back there he can tell me the right direction. He fell asleep in my arms and with that our day was done and this momma is exhausted. Celebrate your victories and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Can you count a night of sleep if you don’t sleep much, I wonder. I couldn’t fall asleep and then Owen woke and came to my bed. To say he is a bed hog is an understatement. Plus he wants, maybe “needs” is the better word, needs to be touching me. I think that is part of the reason he doesn’t sleep all night. I got up early thinking he might sleep a few more hours and I would have some quiet time to think. I got my coffee made and sat down on the couch and here he comes. It’s not unusual for him to be up early I just thought he might sleep late today. When he woke he immediately started sneezing and his nose was yucky. I thought oh no not again. Plus, I worried that it might go to his ears. I gave him some allergy medicine and by the end of the morning, he was sounding much better. We had a lot of rain go through last night and maybe that stirred up his allergies again. Tomorrow is his therapy day and in the morning we are going to see the horses. I am hoping everything goes smoothly so he can go to both. I will be happy when he goes back to school on Monday. I can see some of his repetitive behaviors increasing. I lost track of how many times he would say, “no more” and either finish it with his teacher’s name or leave it hanging with his foot stomping wanting me to finish it. I try to move him forward in these moments. It’s hard to not get stuck on the behavior and instead try to work with him to process what he needs to know. I completely understand he has to do his process and wants to repeat his words but I also know that he can get stuck in the loop for literally hours, days, weeks, months, or years. He still revisits things that happened years ago. He never forgets a thing. Hence why he asks for a babysitter that he hasn’t seen in three years. My mind forgets all the rules and that can lead to him in a meltdown after meltdown. Oh, how I pray sometimes that he will understand he can’t scream at me. And going to the bathroom, can I roll my eyes at this and be done because I want to cry about it. Routine, he needs routine. I’m thankful that by the end of the day he was not sneezing and didn’t even sound congested. We sang together, played on his computer, and made sure the “pirates were not coming today”. We however could not sing “twinkle twinkle no sing today” and he wants to “turn right at the kangaroo tomorrow”. With that our day ended and he wanted a big hug, that required him pulling my hair so he could say “we don’t pull hair today”. The journey means more with a smile. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Physically, mentally, emotionally I have to tell myself every day to keep pushing forward. Not one day can we sit on the sidelines of our life, even though some days that’s what I think I’m doing or what I want to do. Owen woke with an attitude or maybe I did. Either way, he was screaming at me before I could even think to say it’s still nighttime. After the morning flew by and stood still all at the same time he told me he wanted to “go in his little red wagon”. I asked him where he wanted to go. He said, “someplace”. I love when I hear my words coming from him. I told him he had to put his pants on and handed them to him. He said, “no” and put them down. I think it was partly because they were not the preferred “blue pants today” but it was also because I told him he had to put them on himself. I’m trying to get him to understand the steps he has to go through with dressing himself. I want to give him that independence but he still has a very hard time with his fine motor skills so it’s a process for him. Plus, he has a hard time separating what skills he should use in what locations. He associates certain activities and skills with different individuals or places. He does this with foods as well. Something that my mom will cook at her house he won’t eat there but if she sends it home with me he will eat it at our house. There are so many rules. Right now all he wants to wear is jeans. One of the hardest things for him is the variety or trying something different so I give him choices and make him do more activities. I tell him he can then decide if he doesn’t like the taste of something or the activity we are doing. We never did go anywhere but at the end of the day, he was talking to me about the little red wagon and not going. He is making many connections. I think the pirate saga continues. He said, “no alligator water today”. I’m waiting for him to start talking like a pirate. I was trying to do my yoga stretches and Owen came to exercise with me. Only it turned into him sitting on my lap for a half hour and every time I tried to get up he said, “need a big hug”. I gave him a big hug. Today is the first day of the rest of your life so let’s make it grand. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Thankfully Owen woke sounding much better. During the night he woke and came to my bed. I was too tired to encourage his return to the “blue bed”. He still sounded a little nasally but not bad. When he woke for the day I could tell he was feeling much better. I knew we would be able to go to his therapy and the park with our friends. When we were “waiting for our turn” at the appointment Owen wanted to spell with me. He loves going through the alphabet and picking a word for each letter. “A is for alligator”, he said and I asked him to spell it. Some words he gets right, other words I have to sound out each of the letters, and then he will spell it, and he also will spell words completely wrong on purpose so he can be corrected. “Honey hoo”, he stated. He was ready for the next word. I asked him to spell it again and this time he got it right. He gave me two words for some of the letters, spelling them half correctly. He got to X and selected “xylophone” and “X-ray ”. I had no doubt he would get X-ray right and was pretty surprised when he mostly got xylophone right. We went to the park after the appointment and my sweet baby O likes to push my buttons. He is scared of nothing and likes to act like he is going to go off the edge of the slide. I try to explain to him why he shouldn’t do it or joke about it but the more I draw attention to it the more he tries to do it. We had a nice time and when we left he wanted chicken nuggets. He also wanted to scream at me for not turning the “right” way everywhere. We made it home and he ate his lunch. He sat at the table for two hours because every time he tried to get up I told him he had to wash his hands. He immediately would sit back down stating “no wash your hands today” and kept eating more food very, very slowly. I told him he had to if he wanted to go play. He likes to stick his finger in his honey mustard instead of putting it on his fries or nuggets. He had a pretty good night, mostly listening to me with only a couple of outbursts. For this I’m thankful. He is excited about his week ahead and keeps telling me he goes to school in August. I tell him one more week baby boy, one more week. He fell asleep in my arms and for that I am thankful. Through life’s challenges, we can choose to let it get us or we can keep pushing forward. Find your strength and keep pushing forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
April 2024
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