Owen was ready to get on that bus this morning. He slept all night and when he got up he immediately asked for his bus driver and aide. His routine is back and he was thankful. He talked about riding the bus to school and then back home again. He made sure I knew he wanted to “stay home” when he got home from school. I told him it was up to him. We had so many emotions attached to the last few days I knew he would need a day to decompress. He followed me to the “white bed” before we had to get ready for the bus. He was completely covered with the blanket except his feet were sticking out. I told him we needed to get ready and he said, “Five more minutes.” I knew this was coming so I had already set aside five more minutes for him. We got dressed and we headed out to wait for the bus. Over the last week, they put up a fence where he used to wait for the bus. I know they don’t even understand how much this changed Owen’s routine and how he watches for the bus that’s comes to pick him up. Every change is something he has to process and go through. He was so happy when the bus got there and he was thrilled to see them. When he got home from school I knew we would be staying home but I let him decide. We told the bus goodbye and he watched it go down the street. We went inside and he immediately started taking off his shoes and getting undressed. I went to fix his snack and he told me to put a dress on. He was ready to decompress and process his day. I knew he would start talking about tomorrow and me picking him up from school. He was calm when he first got home from school but his behaviors unfolded as the night went on. He does not want to listen about taking his tablet into the bathroom. I took his tablet away from him and the screaming began. The calmer I am the calmer he will be. That’s what I keep telling myself. I started crying. The screaming is hard. The screaming is extremely hard. It’s emotional. He started laughing because he still doesn’t understand how to process all of my emotions on top of his. He said, “You’re happy sad you crying it’s sad” which just made me cry harder. I talked to him about behavior and emotions. He wanted to take a bath and then he calmed down. He asked his tablet to find “riding bus girl umbrella” and I thought how amazing it was that he is able to find the videos he wants now. Bedtime was a process but I figured after the last few days today would be a settling day where he had to get back into his routine and learning to process our emotions. Every day is a moment for our growth. We learn, we love, we grow, and not necessarily in that order. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. Tomorrow is one of his favorite days and I hope that his day is amazing. Find your hope, share your story, and dream of an amazing tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I remind myself of yesteryear. That’s how I’ve gotten through today. I haven’t shed this many tears in quite some time. Owen has had so much progress lately that most of our rollercoastery days haven’t been as much up and down but more in circles. Today was full of progress but it was the screams, and the screams, and the screams, plus the meltdowns that got me. I keep reminding myself of the progress. I think my sweet baby O was exhausted from yesterday and trying to process it all. He woke up at seven and started asking about going to the park. I can only imagine how much everything will open up if non-routine days can be fun. This will be incredible for him. It was working. He was starting to realize not to just say our friends’ names but to say that he wanted to go to the park with them. He once again ate all day long it seemed. He wanted shrimp for breakfast and then he wanted fish for lunch. We headed out to go to the park with our friends and he was very excited. It was incredible to be doing something that wasn’t on a routine day. However, when we got to the park, he was very anxious and wanted to do exactly what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. Some of those things were good things and some of those things were things he couldn’t do. He doesn’t understand that some things are too small for him or not something that he can use. There were several swings that he wanted to get in and he just was too big. Then other swings were too far off the ground and it was not what he should be sitting on. These are the things that upset him when he wants to do something and even though I tell him he can’t he still wants to do them. He was determined to go up the slide backward. He kept asking for my help but I told him if he could do it and with pure determination, he was up the slide. This is something he had never been able to do before, so it was incredible progress to watch. The kids were getting tired and it was time to come home. I knew I needed to get gas on the way home and I told Owen but he was very upset. He wanted to go by the railroad tracks and a gas station, but not let me get gas. He started screaming immediately and didn’t stop all the way home from the park, fortunately, I had enough gas to get home but the screams were just continuous. He didn’t want to go by the windows or to see the fire trucks but as soon as we pulled up to the house, he started screaming that he wanted to go see the windows and the fire trucks. He refused to get out of the car because I didn’t go by the windows, fire trucks, or get gas. I kept reminding myself at least we went to the park with friends. Every time I opened the door to get him out, he would slam his shut. The only way he finally got out of the car was when our neighbor came to talk to us and after about another 10 minutes he got out of the car. The rest of the night was filled with the emotional ripple effects of the last few days. He screamed to have a bath. He screamed at me because I wouldn’t help him with every video that he wanted to find but I kept reminding myself that the progress of the last few days is incredible. There were so many little moments of pure joy, and there were so many little moments that I cried. It’s hard to imagine that going to the park and coming home could cause so many emotions but yet they were the greatest learning experiences that we could have. Today was exhausting but I have to also remember that it was uplifting because he made progress. Tomorrow he goes back to school and we had two non-routine days that he actually went and did so many incredible things. I hold onto the smiles and the pure joy I saw when he knew he accomplished walking up the slide backward. Do not let the mountains of yesterday stop you from climbing the hills of today. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Five o’clock wake-up call for us this morning but otherwise we were both in good moods and ready for our day. Owen kept talking about bowling but I wasn’t sure how that would go. Sometimes he says he wants to go but he really doesn’t. He is growing again because he ate a lot of breakfasts. He ate first breakfast and then when we started getting ready to leave he wanted more. I offered him numerous things and he said, “Fish I’d like fish please” so there you go. Over the last few days, he would walk up to me and yell “Grandma.” He wanted me to respond that he was going and when but I want him to understand he can’t just repeat the word “grandma.” I understand that he wants confirmation of his day but I need him to understand that he has to express what it is that he is referencing. Not only about his grandma but with other things as well. I explained to him we had to talk about Grandma and he had to use his words of why he wanted to see her. I gave him a few phrases and he started saying them a little more. When he didn’t I would ask him more questions and tell him to use his words. It’s hard to get him to use his words sometimes but I need him to process this so that it can help promote independence. That’s the goal for him to be able to tell someone else what his needs and wants are. He was doing much better as the day went on. I hope this helps him learn more about conversation and being able to share his own experiences. We got ready and I was able to get black jogger pants on him. I told him he needed to wear them so he could have them under his costume. He said, “tan pants” trying to get out of them because he didn’t want to wear tan pants either but he did want to go bowling and wear his costume. It was a success. He spent time with his grandma while I went to a parent-teacher conference and then I came to get him for bowling. We stayed for a little while and then we went bowling. He was very excited to go and he did amazing today. Once we finished we had about thirty minutes before we needed to go to his vision therapy so my little Spider-Man went and played in the “dry mud” and climbed on all the equipment. He laid down right in front of the swings and dug the dirt all around him. He had a glorious time. We went to his therapy and he was a bit distracted but did well with the exercises when he would do them. We came home and it was more nonstop eating. He kept asking about going to the park with our friends. This is huge for him because he doesn’t like to be out of routine and doing things so this will be day two of activities. He kept mentioning our friends’ names and saying “Then we go home.” I think he is starting to figure out that he can go have fun and still come home to wait for the bus on Wednesday. He made sure I knew we were coming home again after that. I’m thankful he is enjoying activities more and able to process that he can have fun while waiting for the routine to return. He ate all of his chicken for dinner and then once again asked for fish. I said, “It’s almost bedtime.” “Fish first,” he said. I’m thankful for a good day. It was beyond busy but boy, oh boy did he do good. I will be so excited if we actually meet our friends at the park tomorrow but I will also understand if he is still processing it. His happiness is my joy. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The repetitive behaviors get me. The methods of helping someone with repetitive behaviors are hard for my brain to comprehend. Plus, in the moment how do we focus on changing a behavior when it is a coping mechanism for the lack in his routine that Owen so desperately wants? I’m tired.
He knows he isn’t going to school on Monday and Tuesday but he also knows he is going to see his grandma tomorrow and he wants to confirm it. He however wants to mention it over and over and over again. My heart breaks that he can’t find peace in the moments when routine waivers even when it is for one day, one moment. The ripple effects are what we are riding on from one day to the next. It’s even harder for Owen when he is only now starting to look at schedules and calendars. For a child that doesn’t want to see them, he is his own personal database of calendars years backward and days forward. The amount of information he retains is beyond amazing. He will list all the places he wants to go and those places are endless. I’m thankful he slept last night. I think I woke first but I didn’t get out of bed. I was trying to be quiet and hopefully fall back asleep. A little after five there he was standing beside me asking for his tablet and then immediately went into talking about his grandma. I’m not sure which one he was more concerned about. I told him last night that he would not take his tablet to church today because he wasn’t listening to me last night about his bedtime routine. I’m trying to teach him that his actions and behaviors come with consequences. I hope that this will help him understand more about respect and learning independence. The more that he can work alone on his own schedule the more I believe it will help him work through his routine. The only place he wanted to go after church was to railroad tracks that were nowhere near our house. We go over railroad tracks on our way home but he doesn’t want to see those. I’m not sure what it is about the far-off tracks but he loves them. Maybe because they are by his school. We didn’t go today. I told him that if we went bowling tomorrow we could go. The afternoon was filled with lots of emotions. He wanted to take a bath early and didn’t want to get out. “Don’t put water in your mouth,” I said. He responded with “in my nose.” Dinner, grandma, and the bathroom were what we cycled through for the rest of the night. He is very excited about going to see his grandma tomorrow. He also asked to go bowling and to the park on Tuesday. I hope all his dreams come true. I’m trying to learn, love, and grow just like him. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. I’m thankful for his smile. Let the shadows of yesterday go and live life forward. Smiles to all and donut daze! Some days are emotional. Today was one of those days. Owen occasionally says things about “Uncle Wichard” and I don’t always have an answer that he understands. Or I understand. We were awake by five in the morning. I was glad for the sleep though. He was ready to go to Grandma's house as soon as he woke up. He kept telling me that he wanted to go bowling, but I had a feeling once he was at grandma's house that it would not necessarily be the choice. He kept running around saying, “It’s October Halloween.” I wondered if we would be able to get him to say that with other holidays. When we got ready to leave, he realized it was cold outside. He’s been noticing more about the temperature and what we have to do with our clothes and jackets. I’m hoping this will help him realize he can wear things like sweatpants and other style pants. He wanted to wear his winter sandals, but I told him that if we were going to go bowling, he needed to wear his sneakers. We got ready to go and then I helped him put on his jacket. We got in the car and then headed towards Grandma's house. He always wants to go in one direction, and he will say by the “red door.” I try to get him to understand that we don’t always have to go the same way, so I make him choose between several options. He chose by the underpass, but he kept talking about going by the red door. I told him the next time we come we can go by the red door. It’s more about the conversation for him than it is actually about going to the red door or getting upset about not going by the red door until it actually upsets him about not going by the red door. Just depends on the day and what his emotions are connected to. It also depends on how distracted I can keep him while we’re driving. In the car, I rolled down the window because there was a fly, and I wanted to see if I could get it to go out the window. Immediately Owen said, “cold” when I put down the window. I love that he’s starting to make those types of connections and being able to share in that conversation with him. Each step like that is a growing experience for both of us. I left to go to a festival and I got to see several of my friends. I went back to get Owen and he said he did not want to go bowling today. I had a feeling once he had been with his grandma that he probably wouldn’t want to go. On Monday and Tuesday, he will be out of school for different teacher events. I’m going to try to take him to go bowling on Monday before or after he goes to spend time with his grandma again. One change in routine can lead to the ripple effect for days, weeks, months, or years to come. It’s learning how to work and adapt with Owen so that he can get through these moments and go back to routine. He struggles in those moments when all he wants to do is exactly what he wants to do. It’s two days for him of not going to school on the bus, not riding the bus home when he is supposed to, and not being able to see his friends. I’m sure there are a lot of other parts to this moving day, but routine is what he thrives in. Every time we have days like this, I try to figure out ways to keep it in more of a routine atmosphere. Having him go to his grandma’s house will help the process. The question is always how to get routine back when anything out of routine is out of routine. After we left his grandma's house, we came home, but every single thing was an event for him. This happens a lot in the car now and he wants to go to every single one of the stops that he likes to make. He started screaming at me, but I think this is part of the learning curve for him. He was screaming and then saying that he was sorry. We got home. The rest of the night went quickly. He wanted a bath immediately and then he ate his dinner over the next hour. He’s excited about going to church tomorrow and wants to go to his grandma's on Monday. I pray once again he sleeps all through the night and then I can get some rest too. Finding ways to help with routine changes is important. I felt growth from him and I could tell that he is starting to understand and have more connections. I’m thankful for his laughter and that beautiful smile. Cherish the moments of those happy memories of days gone by and look to the future of the moments those memories will help you through the day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Our party started before three in the morning. I got up because there were noises that seemed to be coming from everywhere and then I went to the bathroom. Owen got up because he heard the noises too and then he went to the bathroom. That was that thought. He was awake and he was happy it was Friday. There was no convincing him to go back to sleep. I tried to at least get him to stay in his room and this was also met with a no. He started asking me for waffles before it was even five o’clock. He was happy though and that’s what matters. We got ready and he realized it was raining. He was so very excited. He had already put his sneakers on and I told him he didn’t need to change to his rain boots. We went outside to wait for the bus and I had to convince him not to lay down in the puddles. Now the trick is keeping him out of the mud and he started asking me about snow. Oh, what a difference a month makes. It wasn’t that long ago that this would cause huge meltdowns. Off to school, he went. I knew we were not going anywhere when he came home from school. It had been a busy week for him and he was ready for his weekend. He got off that bus, we said goodbye to the bus, and inside to wait for tomorrow. I can’t push too many things with him because he will just scream or have meltdowns. He was calm once we got inside and settled. He always has to check to make sure I have no laundry on my bed. It can be on the table or my chair but not my bed. We are working through it but unless Curious George can get us through laundry we will keep working on it. The refrigerator is now something that he just runs and opens. He doesn’t close it unless I tell him to. He stands at the freezer door with his tablet at an angle near the ice maker. Then he puts his head close to the freezer door and looks at the reflection of his tablet into the door. I’m not quite sure why he wants the refrigerator door open after that. He’s not still looking at the reflection. He opens it and walks away. He wanted his bath early and ate a big dinner. Nighttime came quickly for both of us. No sleep last night makes this momma tired. I’m praying we both sleep all night. He was yelling at me and before I could tell him to stop he said, “Sorry mommy.” He’s growing for sure. He is ready for his day with his grandma and he still says he wants to go to the “little bowling alley” for another “little Halloween.” We will see how that goes. His smile is what makes this momma happy. Dance in the rain and rejoice in your victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!
My happy rain boot-wearing therapy-loving Thursday boy was beyond happy when he woke up! He had a pep in his step as soon as he woke up and he was ready for the world today. We sat together laughing at his tablet and all the apps he was playing with. I got up to get us ready and he ran to turn on the lights. We got dressed and I told him to go get his shoes and he went right over and put his rain boots on. He had wanted to wear blue pants but I said let’s wear shorts today and then you can wear jeans tomorrow since it will be colder. He went with it. I’m trying to make sure we mix it up and I’m also always referring to them as jeans so he will hopefully start associating the name jeans with something different than blue pants. I want him to understand the difference so when he asks to wear blue pants he will see there are more options. We walked out the door to wait for the bus. As he walked down the steps in his rain boots I thought snow boots would be next. I can tell he is working on his sentence structure at school. He said, “Your bus my bus” like he was confidently taking it as his. I love that he is learning to adjust the way he speaks and it is flowing easier for him. He left excited about therapy and was talking again about going bowling for “little Halloween” so we will see. Just so glad he is wanting these adventures for sure. It gives me so much hope and it broadens his world. He has been asking about his friends a lot too so I’m hoping that the more activities we can plan with people it will help as well. When I picked him up his teacher said he had a pretty good day but lots going on. I could tell he had a lot of emotions and he was very concerned about going to therapy because he didn’t want to miss the bus tomorrow. I reassured him he would go to school on the bus tomorrow. I got him a snack and he was calmer but still worried about tomorrow and wanted to go home. I know he liked going yesterday but it totally threw him off. He kept telling me he didn’t want to go to therapy because he had to take the bus home tomorrow. He also wanted to make sure I knew we were not going anywhere when he came home. Once we got to the therapy place he was very excited to be there. He did pretty well with his sessions. He did better as time went on but he kept checking to make sure he wasn’t going to miss the bus tomorrow. I feel like he has lots of busy days ahead so it will be good to stay home. He probably is getting prepared for his weekend. He was calm but he was also on high alert. We drove by the statue he wanted to see it and then came straight home. Someone parked in front of our house and this sent him into a meltdown. It’s a public street there is no way the person who parked there could understand how much this upsets him. He immediately started yelling that they needed to “go bye-bye.” I told him they would when they were done and they weren’t visiting us. He needed his night to be calm. Thankfully I was able to get him inside and keep him occupied. We had a pretty calm evening but he kept checking to make sure I knew how he needed his Friday to go. I reassured him again that he would be going on the bus in the morning, praying it would all happen for him as he wanted. His new thing is to open the refrigerator door and leave it open. I’m not quite sure how this became a thing but here we are. He ran off to his bed and I closed the refrigerator. Life is an adventure and my little adventurer has the best smile. I’m praying for a great night and his perfect Friday. Each day is a gift. Be inspired by the change you want for your future and make it happen. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I woke early and tried to be quiet but Owen came around the corner quickly. “Halloween,” he said, and then added “trick or treat.” “Tractor,” he said, “let’s go to the tractors put on your seatbelt,” he continued. This boy was ready to get his day started. He was ready for “little Halloween.” I finished getting my coffee and off to the “white bed” we went. He was in such a good mood that it made me smile. “No cats no dog no pig,” he said as he was playing on his tablet. He goes through different varieties of animals in different orders. I throw in my mix randomly. It’s a little cafe and the animals come in to get served food and drinks. Depending on what animal comes in he will go through the list. We got ready with him asking Siri, “This old man knick-knack paddywhack give me a Taco Bell in Arabic.” I’m always amazed at what he asked. We have been talking about “little Halloween” since Monday so he was excited. So very excited. He was off to school with a hop-hop in his step. I couldn’t ask for a better morning. We were waiting for the bus and he was talking about Halloween. What an adventure the month of October will be. He got home and off the bus, he came. He said, “Halloween” and headed right towards the house. He didn’t tell the bus goodbye. He wanted no snack and I took too long because he was ready to get to the tractors. I took candy to the store earlier to make sure it was good with them. Rain boots activated and we are out the door. He had other shoes on and he saw his rain boots and it was an immediate need for him to change. He turned the light off and out the door, we went. He was not impressed that they would not give him the keys to the tractor so he could ride to the stoplights but he was happy to be at a “little Halloween.” He was also not pleased that I wouldn’t allow him to ride his bike in the store. Two kids were there and they gave Owen the candy and he said, “trick or treat.” Then he still said he wanted to go ride his bike but once we headed to ride his bike he no longer wanted to so I asked him if he wanted to go see the fish. He did so we went to Cabela’s because they have tents and a huge fish tank. He walked all over and talked to a lot of people. This however also didn’t go exactly as planned. He didn’t want to leave because he was waiting for Santa to come and bring the Easter bunny. I finally convinced him to leave. He now wants to go to the “little bowling alley” on Saturday in his costume for “little Halloween.” He was a little elevated and anxious but what an incredible day on a Wednesday. I asked him what his favorite part of the day was and he said, “trick or treat.” There were a lot of emotions attached to today, his and mine, but my, oh my, what a beautifully incredible day. When I saw Owen heading right inside and he told me he didn’t want a snack I was beyond excited. My little boy is telling me exactly what he wants to do and that makes me so happy. Believe in the miracle of tomorrow. It will happen. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Yesterday was hard for me but great for Owen. I started telling myself today would be better the moment I woke up. I had to believe. I had to make myself believe it would be better. I have to say by the end of the day it was better. Owen slept great. I am so thankful for him sleeping through the night. He had wanted to wear pajamas to bed last night and when we got ready for school he told me he wanted to wear his pajamas to school. He had told me earlier he wanted to wear shorts so I said you can’t wear shorts if you don’t take your pajamas off. He immediately took them off and put the shorts on. It made me realize though I need to try to get jogger pants or sweatpants that he could wear to bed and then just not offer to change his pants before school and see if it would be a way to get him to wear something else. He’s made the big step by wearing shorts so I know we can keep going. I told him he was going to one of his therapy sessions when he got home from school and he said, “Yes” with an emphasis and was very happy. He then said, “Dinner with grandma.” I said we could see, letting him know I would check with his grandma. He said, “black tablet” referring to wanting his grandma to bring her tablet to dinner with us. I also asked him if he still wanted to go trick or treating tomorrow. It wasn’t just a yes it was a YES emphasizing this one just like he did the one when I told him he was going to therapy. He was very calm when he came home from school. As soon as he got off the bus he said, “Ride bus school ride bus home then trick or treat.” He is all about going tomorrow. I have to get the details worked out but he wants to go sit on the tractors with his Spider-Man costume on. I said what about today. He said therapy and then dinner with grandma. We went to his therapy and he did great but was a little anxious and loud. Then we went to dinner and he ate all of his fries and some of his chicken which was the exact opposite of last time. On our way home he mentioned going trick or treating many, many times. We got home and he wanted to know why we didn’t go “trick OR treat” on the way home. He made sure I knew it was “or” once again emphasizing the word. He started stomping his feet when we got out of the car and told me we were going on Friday as well. I’m not sure that I will be able to keep up with the demands but I love that he wants to go. I am looking for other events around town as well. We will fill his October calendar. Bedtime was quick. He was out when his head hit that pillow. I’m sure he was exhausted from his day. I’m thankful for his excitement for the days ahead. Let yesterday go and rejoice in the opportunity to make tomorrow your best day yet. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The sleep thing is a great thing. I’m so glad Owen has been sleeping better. He was happy, happy when he woke up because he was ready for his big, big day. He wanted lots of hugs, kisses, and tickles. We had numerous conversations about so many things and that always makes this momma happy. We got dressed in our “blue jeans” and did the rest of our morning routine. He had a few minutes to play with his tablet before we went outside to wait for the bus. I told him it was time to go and he said, “Out of time finish the game no more pandas.” I can tell he is starting to get the art of conversation. He wanted to put on his jacket. He is learning how to pull up the zipper but he still has a hard time figuring out how to put the zipper in the slot to pull it up. It will come though. I went to pick up Owen for his music therapy and his teacher said he was having a good day. She then started telling me about something they were working on in class. She said, “Fat bear” and before she even finished I said, “Fat bear week newspaper article.” She looked at me and I explained that he had asked me to look it up and I had asked my mom if she knew what it meant. It is a competition with bears in Alaska and they read about Fat Bear Week in newspaper articles. They are voting on which one is their favorite at the end of the set time. This is huge progress for him because he talked about something he did at school. I’m so thankful I kept him back a year so he could build these bridges. He did great at music therapy and his therapist told him she would be off next week so she would see him in two weeks. He told her, “See you two weeks.” They have a Trunk or Treat event at his therapy place and they told us about the event. I had shown him the flyer when we got there. He said he wanted to go “trick or treat in costume.” This makes my heart so happy. I figured out how to get him out of the house on other days when we don’t have our usual routine. On our way home he was telling me about the event and I said we are going trick or treating on Wednesday. He got so happy and started listing people to go with him and that he gets to wear his costume. We don’t have any particular place to trick or treat but I’m going to make it happen. I think this plan will work at least for October and then who says we can’t still go in all the other months? He did great at his vision therapy appointment. He was able to do numerous steps. It was great progress. He was not as pleased with the ride home because I didn’t go to every single place he wanted me to drive to but once I was able to finally convince him to get out of the car we had a great evening. I’ve had one of the hardest days I’ve had in a very long time. But seeing him thrive brought more tears of joy and washed away the other moments. Focus on the good stuff. That’s where it’s all at. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
May 2024
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