I remind myself of yesteryear. That’s how I’ve gotten through today. I haven’t shed this many tears in quite some time. Owen has had so much progress lately that most of our rollercoastery days haven’t been as much up and down but more in circles. Today was full of progress but it was the screams, and the screams, and the screams, plus the meltdowns that got me. I keep reminding myself of the progress. I think my sweet baby O was exhausted from yesterday and trying to process it all. He woke up at seven and started asking about going to the park. I can only imagine how much everything will open up if non-routine days can be fun. This will be incredible for him. It was working. He was starting to realize not to just say our friends’ names but to say that he wanted to go to the park with them. He once again ate all day long it seemed. He wanted shrimp for breakfast and then he wanted fish for lunch. We headed out to go to the park with our friends and he was very excited. It was incredible to be doing something that wasn’t on a routine day. However, when we got to the park, he was very anxious and wanted to do exactly what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. Some of those things were good things and some of those things were things he couldn’t do. He doesn’t understand that some things are too small for him or not something that he can use. There were several swings that he wanted to get in and he just was too big. Then other swings were too far off the ground and it was not what he should be sitting on. These are the things that upset him when he wants to do something and even though I tell him he can’t he still wants to do them. He was determined to go up the slide backward. He kept asking for my help but I told him if he could do it and with pure determination, he was up the slide. This is something he had never been able to do before, so it was incredible progress to watch. The kids were getting tired and it was time to come home. I knew I needed to get gas on the way home and I told Owen but he was very upset. He wanted to go by the railroad tracks and a gas station, but not let me get gas. He started screaming immediately and didn’t stop all the way home from the park, fortunately, I had enough gas to get home but the screams were just continuous. He didn’t want to go by the windows or to see the fire trucks but as soon as we pulled up to the house, he started screaming that he wanted to go see the windows and the fire trucks. He refused to get out of the car because I didn’t go by the windows, fire trucks, or get gas. I kept reminding myself at least we went to the park with friends. Every time I opened the door to get him out, he would slam his shut. The only way he finally got out of the car was when our neighbor came to talk to us and after about another 10 minutes he got out of the car. The rest of the night was filled with the emotional ripple effects of the last few days. He screamed to have a bath. He screamed at me because I wouldn’t help him with every video that he wanted to find but I kept reminding myself that the progress of the last few days is incredible. There were so many little moments of pure joy, and there were so many little moments that I cried. It’s hard to imagine that going to the park and coming home could cause so many emotions but yet they were the greatest learning experiences that we could have. Today was exhausting but I have to also remember that it was uplifting because he made progress. Tomorrow he goes back to school and we had two non-routine days that he actually went and did so many incredible things. I hold onto the smiles and the pure joy I saw when he knew he accomplished walking up the slide backward. Do not let the mountains of yesterday stop you from climbing the hills of today. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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