Owen was ready to get on that bus this morning. He slept all night and when he got up he immediately asked for his bus driver and aide. His routine is back and he was thankful. He talked about riding the bus to school and then back home again. He made sure I knew he wanted to “stay home” when he got home from school. I told him it was up to him. We had so many emotions attached to the last few days I knew he would need a day to decompress. He followed me to the “white bed” before we had to get ready for the bus. He was completely covered with the blanket except his feet were sticking out. I told him we needed to get ready and he said, “Five more minutes.” I knew this was coming so I had already set aside five more minutes for him. We got dressed and we headed out to wait for the bus. Over the last week, they put up a fence where he used to wait for the bus. I know they don’t even understand how much this changed Owen’s routine and how he watches for the bus that’s comes to pick him up. Every change is something he has to process and go through. He was so happy when the bus got there and he was thrilled to see them. When he got home from school I knew we would be staying home but I let him decide. We told the bus goodbye and he watched it go down the street. We went inside and he immediately started taking off his shoes and getting undressed. I went to fix his snack and he told me to put a dress on. He was ready to decompress and process his day. I knew he would start talking about tomorrow and me picking him up from school. He was calm when he first got home from school but his behaviors unfolded as the night went on. He does not want to listen about taking his tablet into the bathroom. I took his tablet away from him and the screaming began. The calmer I am the calmer he will be. That’s what I keep telling myself. I started crying. The screaming is hard. The screaming is extremely hard. It’s emotional. He started laughing because he still doesn’t understand how to process all of my emotions on top of his. He said, “You’re happy sad you crying it’s sad” which just made me cry harder. I talked to him about behavior and emotions. He wanted to take a bath and then he calmed down. He asked his tablet to find “riding bus girl umbrella” and I thought how amazing it was that he is able to find the videos he wants now. Bedtime was a process but I figured after the last few days today would be a settling day where he had to get back into his routine and learning to process our emotions. Every day is a moment for our growth. We learn, we love, we grow, and not necessarily in that order. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. Tomorrow is one of his favorite days and I hope that his day is amazing. Find your hope, share your story, and dream of an amazing tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.