Owen heard my alarm going off and he immediately started humming, almost singing the tune. Then it turned into my budding little songwriter singing words to the tune of the alarm. It’s a melody on my phone. I set alarms and timers for reminders throughout our day. He generally wants them off but today he started singing, “snow-ooooo-oooooing it’s snow-ooooo-oooooing pretty” and ran off singing about snow. Music is a big part of our lives. I try to expose him to all genres of music and we have several instruments he plays with. He came to me guzzling the last of the milk in his glass, then handing it to me saying, “sit down more milk pwease”. He wanted more milk, but he also wanted calm in his world. Me sitting keeps our day calmer, especially on days that he has more anxiety and needs his ducks in a row. I got up to get his breakfast, leaving my heating pad that has a back massager on. I returned with him in my spot curled up against the pad. He moved from it, going to get his book. I put it back across my legs. A few minutes later here he was again. He put his feet across my legs, under the pad. Within seconds the only thing that was left on me was the cord stretching across my legs. I work on different massage techniques with him. Using things like joint compressions and feet rubs to help relieve some of the stresses in his body. When he was younger he would ask for “piggy market” or grab my hands placing them on his feet when he couldn’t explain what he wanted. He associated the nursery rhyme and actions with the feet rubs. That connection helped us through many nights when he wanted relief from his body. I’m thankful for the little things that are truly the hugest moments. Owen walked up to me, gave me a hug around my waist, and said, “need a hug”. There is someone out there that needs your love, hugs, and support. Make today amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When life hands you lemons you always have to figure out what to do with them. This holds true with everything though. Curveballs and lemons come in many shapes and sizes and we have to learn to take it all in stride. I’m watching Owen chow down on fried fish and rice. A few days ago he wouldn’t touch the rice and now he is devouring it. He’s singing his alphabet backwards in between bites, saying, “yay we did it all good job, Owen”. I get excited when I hear his words of encouragement to himself. I want him to understand he’s amazing and can do anything he sets his mind to. I’m very proud of his accomplishments and I make sure he knows it. This seems like the longest Friday ever. Owen has put yelling back into the category of exciting things to do. Add it to spitting and talking about the things we “don’t” do and we gots ourselves a trifecta of fun. The yelling is more of an excited screech, almost a happy shrill. He yells in anger too, but most of his screams are excitement driven. It’s come full circle. He had stopped these screams for a while, but they have returned. The fake snoring has commenced. Bedtime is generally a two to three hour process anymore. The nights that it is only an hour I feel like I’ve won the lottery. He’ll go through spurts where he falls asleep quickly and stays asleep all night, but it seems like that train is long gone. He was completely asleep and something woke him. I hadn’t moved, but there he was completely awake and animated again. It was potty time. Hey, when ya gotta go ya gotta pretend like ya gotta go. I can tell you right now I want to eat all the cookies in all the lands. Maybe they are lemon cookies. Find your strength, know that you can do great things if you put your mind to it, and today is one moment in time. Smiles to all and donut daze!

As Christmas gets closer and closer I reflect on what Christmas means to me. And I think about Owen and how I can make the holidays special for him. He doesn’t have a real connection to the holidays yet, any holiday, because it’s not part of a routine for him. We sing Christmas songs all year long. My favorite, “single bells single bells single all the way” was sung a little while ago. I tried hanging some Christmas pictures on the wall. He immediately took them down. We talk about the meaning of Christmas and I try to explain it to him so he will understand, but I still go back and forth, thinking and overthinking whether I do the right steps with him. The one thing I never give up on is hope. He’s come so far and the progress is amazing. He’s now fine visiting Santa but he doesn’t understand he’s the man that brings the toys because he doesn’t understand that he should even get presents. He has absolutely no desire to open a present and in fact quite the opposite, he would prefer they stay wrapped or unwrapped. The concept of a gift isn’t something he comprehends. It’s coming, I can see the changes, but at this moment I give thanks for the blessings we have. My little boy is potty trained, almost completely at night as well. This is the greatest gift in the world to me because it is one of the keys to a more independent life for Owen. So for Christmas this year I pray for my blessings to continue and for my son to grow and grow and grow. Through love, compassion, and understanding we can change the world. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Be the change that you want the world to see. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen had a two-hour delay this morning for school. Winter is upon us and possible icy conditions changed our routine. He was happy and energetic this morning. He got into bed with me at some point during the night but fell back asleep pretty easily, thankfully. When we woke he was ready to go. He knows his routine and he wanted to get to school. I told him we were on a delay and he handled it well. I saw a video and I thought I would see what he thought of it. It was a cartoon video and the characters were singing a rock song. He started clapping his hands. This to me, in itself, is amazing. He’s starting to get how his body can interact to the beat of the music. And then, then he started moving his feet. He looked down at them, continuing to clap the whole time, and he moved his feet up and down. I rejoiced. He’s been dancing more, clapping more, interacting more, but at that moment there was absolutely no coaching or coaxing to do it, purely moved by the feel of the music to his soul. The characters didn’t tell him to move, I didn’t tell him or show him how to move, he just did it. The movements weren’t new but the connection was. He felt it. I could see it on his face. I told him what a fantastic job he was doing and how proud of him I was. I have always made music a big part of our lives. As a baby, I would take his hands and put one on my heart and one on my mouth or throat so he could hear the vibrations and make a connection to the feel of the music. To see him dancing made me really happy. He is understanding more how his body works and his moving and a’grooving to the music proves it. I see progress and that makes my heart sing. Never give up. There are miracles around us everywhere we look. I see mine every day. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen’s laugh is what pours the glue into my soul for me to keep it together some days. Last night was rough and the middle of the night was tough and the morning one of us was ready to rock and roll all the way to school. He’s been wanting to take the car to the bus stop every day even though it’s right around the corner. I’m not completely sure why, but he gets really upset if I tell him we are walking. It’s only about half a block away, but it was raining this morning so we rode in the car, and he was very glad. Right now he is going through a stage where he is working on different types of behaviors. He sat in his carseat, as we were waiting for the bus, and said, “don’t rip the book”. Plainly ripping the book as he said it. One of the hardest things I have to keep in mind is to show the positive side of a situation. When I use words like “don’t” or any negative language Owen immediately grabs onto the action and then the motions and emotions explode from there. Trying to stay one step ahead of my own mouth can be a challenge. And the more he comprehends, the more connections he forms, and the more my little genius shows me exactly what he’s made of. He’s been sitting under a blanket, completely covered, singing his alphabet backward with a video he was watching. Since he came home from school he has been in a sensory seeking mode, biting his shirt, the furniture, and anything else that’s around, but luckily not me. “Don’t bite”, he says running to me. And with that, I’m growing and learning as much as he is and here’s to rephrasing my directions. Positive words and positive actions equal a positive life. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen is trying to master the word “peaches” and was saying it as he got in bed with me at one in the morning. He says it over and over and over again. It still sounds like pizza to me, but I think he understands that he isn’t saying the “ch” sound, so he will repeat that part of the word, but it still has the pizza sound. I can see and hear the progress though. He wants to work on his schoolwork all the time. I have downloaded the different apps that he uses at school and similar ones that have the same types of curriculum for him to work through. I can’t even imagine if he didn’t like going to school. I’m trying to prepare him for the transition he will have to his next school that is still almost nine months away. My mind spins with the fact that he will have to go through this process. I’ve heard great things about the new school and the teacher he will most likely have, but it’s still a process for him to change. Luckily, the routine of school will be the same and I think that is a big part of why he loves it so much. I never understood the impact of change until change happens. Owen has been singing a song about a “baNaNa” the last week, but every time I ask him if he wants one he stops in his tracks and says, “no”, almost with a pleading attached to it. The banana is one of those sensory-driven meltdown foods. If he sees one banana and it also depends on where he is and who has it, he will completely go into a meltdown. But he watches videos about bananas, sings about them, and even eats them if he doesn’t see me squish them into his food. He absolutely loves the taste of them, saying, “yum” as he eats them; not many foods get a “yum” after a bite. Through Owen’s eyes, I see the world in a whole new light. I try to find ways to navigate through his days without causing him more anxiety or meltdowns, but still, give him opportunities to grow and share his incredible smile. Find your inspiration, dance in the rain, and know that you are important. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I have a thousand questions this morning and not one answer. I looked at a section of hair on Owen’s head that is clearly needing to be cut, wondering if today would be a day he could handle me cutting it. His hair is pretty much a revolving door for the scissors. I’ve never taken Owen to get his hair cut, always cutting it myself. Now I’m hoping I’ve made the right decision. The one thing I know is I can’t get emotional about it today. I’m already walking on eggshells with Owen. He had an incredible day yesterday, but that means today will have a slight tinge of anxiety for him making sure everything is in his order since our day was not completely routine yesterday. When we came home last night he got his bubbles off the cabinet. Two things immediately come to mind, bubbles shouldn’t be on the cabinet and how do you explain liquid. I was trying to put stuff down and get the bedtime process going since it was later than normal for us. Three cheers for Owen trying to blow bubbles on his own, we’ve been working on this for a while, but he doesn’t understand when the lid is off and you lay the container down the liquid comes out. My couch might be a little cleaner today. Bubble liquid surprisingly dries quickly. He woke in my bed and all I kept thinking was please let him be in a good mood. I never know what he is going to say or do. He got upset that he wasn’t going to see his teacher but then realized it was a church day so all was right with his world. He remembered that pinching is one more of the things we are not supposed to do and it has become his morning go-to saying, but I’m feeling very fortunate that it isn’t accompanied by the action. I’m thankful for the little things. Rejoice in your victories, let the world see your smile, and know that you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen woke happy and playful. I woke slow and cautious. He had gotten into bed with me at some point and I’m quite certain he is getting ready for his octopus ninja tryouts. I’ve yet to figure out how a little over three-foot human can stick his toes in my nose and have his head on my pillow with arms that are like a windmill in a tornado but there we were. He’s having such a great morning, happy as a lark and listening to directions, as long as I listen to his directions too. He needs me to sit this morning. Any type of movement from me gets the full instruction list. “I want shockuwit mulk pwease get coffee and den sit down”, he said to me. This was after the coffee exchange several times already. Every time I’d get up for coffee the same instructions came through. “Get coffee and den sit down”, has been said multiple times. My run to the bathroom was greeted with him slamming the bathroom door, trying to open it, but unsuccessful so he kicked it instead, yelling for me to sit down. For some reason, he is struggling to open my bathroom door now but has mastered the front door, as long as it is not locked with the deadbolt. He knows how to work the deadbolt but he doesn’t understand the combination of which way to make it work. He still can’t open my storm door so I feel secure in knowing that. The lock hasn’t bothered him now for a few weeks, not even mentioning that it is fine, but instead, he has moved on to say, “don’t bite me”. Thankfully this is not accompanied with the biting, unlike the hitting. He will walk up to me and say, “we don’t hit” or “don’t hit momma” and hit me. Hitting and the mention of biting have come full circle from the toddler years when I would talk to him about these actions. His actions and words show me his growth, even though sometimes it feels like we are backtracking. He is working through things he couldn’t work through before. I rejoice the little steps and know there are great things to come. Celebrate your accomplishments no matter how big or small they are. Live life to the fullest. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I had a flashback to the screams from Owen as I was wiping my eye with my finger, under the rim of my glasses. There were no screams this time, but he used to scream every time I took my glasses off or wiped my eyes. Today, he only kept repeating, “get in de car”. For some reason, he doesn’t want to walk to the bus stop anymore. It’s only a short distance, but now he wants to take the car. I see progress as he works through these things, even though it’s not always easy for me to understand what he is going through. I can’t figure out why walking to the bus stop is a concern for him now. He’s still very fascinated by how he can shock me. The gleam in his eyes is incredible as he works through the steps. He hasn’t succeeded with doing it on purpose, but somehow he has been shocking me, or maybe I’m shocking him, with the drag of our feet. I remember as a kid doing the same type of things, also wanting to have the static electricity in my hair. I loved rubbing balloons on my hair so it would stick straight up. I’m hesitant to show Owen that with my own hair because it has been a trigger for his meltdowns. He doesn’t get as upset if I wear it back or in a hat as he did before, but it’s still hard for him to handle. Something like me pushing my hair behind my ears has caused him to scream for hours, crying in my arms. There are days that everything seems to stop him in his tracks and other times he is not phased by something that set him off the day before or the minute before. All I can do is talk through it with him. I try to focus on our progress and not the process. And I try to stay one step ahead of the meltdowns. I know Owen thrives when I remain calm, talk to him about the great things he is doing, and keep him focused on tasks. Positive words and positive actions equal a positive life. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Our day started off shocking once again. Owen is fascinated by the fact that somehow he is shocking me with his touch and he runs around the room trying to find the magic of how he’s shocked me. This to me is a huge connection. I’m amazed that he has put it all together, like some type of science experiment. I’m excited that he is so fascinated by it. The smile on his face is as electrifying as the action. This morning he didn’t want to walk to the bus stop, he wanted to “ride in de car”. I told him we were going to walk. It was the slowest animated walk we have ever been on. The lights were bothering him, he couldn’t find the moon, and he wanted to knock on the doors we passed. Sometimes I’m really not sure how to help him through these moments. I kept walking, telling him I loved him, and the bus would be there soon. I sit here tonight listening to him recite words that he has learned from a video. He thinks he is saying all of the words, maybe he is, but they are crammed in so quickly and he is using the voice of the character that he learned them from that I can only tell what it is because I’ve heard it so many times with the inflections. He truly amazes me with his memory and connections. I am thankful for his smile tonight and his continued efforts to find how to shock me again. I cherish each step he takes and love watching him grow. Cherish the memories, grow in the moments of victory, and know that you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!