A River Through Sunday

In the world of emotions, today is the full spectrum. My emotions affect Owen so why do I let them run through my veins. A calmness should wash over me and take control of the ebbs and tides but here I sit wanting to cry and cry and cry some more. “Owen don’t put the hot dog in your toes”, I said. Why does this even have to be a thing; a thing for either one of us. What makes him want to put food in between his toes all the time. He won’t wear shoes in the house, that goes against one of his set in rules that started at some point, but he also won’t stop putting food between his toes. I don’t know what else to provide him for the sensory input he seeks. He has sensory bins full of different textures, but the messy moisture of the food I guess feels good to his feet. He’s moved on to his teeth. “I wanna a ball pwease”, he says, as he sticks his fingers in his mouth. He comes to me repeating it. He grabs my hand wanting me to put my fingers in his mouth. He wants his teeth back that he has lost over the last few weeks. He calls them “ball”. They are filling in, but not quick enough to his liking. I suppose he is relatively calm about the whole process, but there is still a concern. He wants to set a timer to get his tooth back. “When the timer go off you can have de ball back”, he says trying to set the timer on my phone. How do I explain this to him. Two hours in and he still wants to set the timer. His tooth fell out days ago, but maybe another one is loose or he can feel the other one growing back in. I can’t cry. I have to stay focused on remaining calm. I wish I could explain the teeth process better to him. We have watched videos, I’ve taken him to the dentist, and he’s inspected mine more times than I can count, but that doesn’t help him through these moments. All I can do is hold him and tell him it’s going to be okay. I try to let the words sink in for me as well. As we run to the bathroom one more time to “wash your face” and brush his teeth, I think about how thankful I am that he can make these connections now. One day at a time I remind myself. Through challenges, there is growth and understanding. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Let your smile shine through even on the tough days. Smiles to all and donut daze!