The repetitive obsessive behaviors that seem to come and go and change but also have routine and structure tossed in the mix are back. The bathroom door is a must fix in Owen’s book. As soon as he hears me going towards the bathroom he is in ready mode to fix the door. I swallow hard trying to keep the emotions at bay. It’s hard on him and it’s hard on me trying to figure out the rules, keep which rules I’m supposed to be a part of, and trying to help him move past the rules and routine that keep him close to meltdowns. I understand his need to find order in chaos and when something isn’t in its place that it better get there quick but I also have to work with him so he understands that not everything can be fixed or I don’t always know how to “fixth it”. He doesn’t always know how to explain to me what I’m supposed to fix or why something is out of order for him. And there are times when he can explain it or I understand enough of the rules to see what needs to be fix but still can’t do it. We drive by an abandoned house that has a garage. The doors to the garage are wide open. The tears well in my eyes thinking about all the emotions these doors cause my sweet baby O. We don’t go by it often but he remembers they are open. He starts talking about them miles before we get to the doors and when he sees the doors he squeals. He wants them shut. I wish I could pull over and shut the doors. But I can’t. I can’t fix it. I can’t explain to him there are going to be doors opened and closed that we can’t fix, in so many ways. I breathe and swallow my emotions for another day. He was very calm today, even when we had several things going on he still felt like he was moving along with me even if he was in slow motion and wanted “two more minutes” for everything. I hear his vocabulary getting stronger every day. He hardly asks me to say the words to Siri now. He comes to me occasionally when he wants something and she still can’t understand him but he is talking slower and truly working on enunciating each part of the word. He now understands that I have to type in the words if it is a foreign language. He brings me the tablet and tells me to “type it in”. The smile spreads across my face knowing how far he has come in the last few months. He fell asleep quicker than most nights and tomorrow will be a new day for my sweet baby O to grow. Follow your heart, rejoice in the gladness, and know that you can do great things if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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