After All Monday

One of the hardest things for me, every single day, is when to push us forward. The fear of the unknown and known keep me rooted to the ground. A year ago Owen and I started bowling together. A year ago I was a mess taking my baby to a loud bowling alley. One of my greatest fears is that he would run to the pins. It didn’t happen our first few times out, but it did happen. We now wear a safety band that tethers me to him. I will never forget that moment. I was so scared thinking he would get stuck in the ball return contraption. I had a Willy Wonka flashback thinking the Oompa Loompas were going to come to rescue my son. All I could do was race slowly down the slippery lane, while Owen was yelling “bye bye bawling pins”. I was crying when I got to him. They were so nice at the alley, helping me, and reassuring me it was okay. Meanwhile back at the ranch, I was a nervous wreck. I immediately ordered the leash that would bind us together and protect my baby from moments like these. He understands no fear, I understand it too much. That moment in time changed me forever. Owen loves bowling. I love bowling. But taking him that first time was one of the hardest steps for me. He didn’t want to go. Stepping out our door is hard. Besides the unknown, it’s the days, weeks, months, and years later that can affect us. He asks for his teacher every day and he won’t see her for another month. He talks about our lights being out months ago. He reminds me of moments he doesn’t want to repeat and tells me where he doesn’t want to go. His no is a strong word. It keeps me rooted in my spot a lot of times. “No” can lead to meltdowns and moments for years to come. How do I push us without pushing us over the edge, that is my daily struggle. Bowling is something we both absolutely love and it’s what reminds me that as much as I want to keep us safe, in our home, we have to keep pushing forward and walk out our door. And I have to remind myself that it will be okay. Owen inspires me to find new ways to grow for both of us. Find what inspires you and soar. Smiles to all and donut daze!