Some days all I’ve got are emotions. How many rivers can you cry in one day I wonder? Owen woke after six. To say I was overjoyed would be an overstatement. He was in a good mood and quickly went to the bathroom. He wanted his tablet right away but thankfully he talked to me for a few minutes first. What did you do yesterday, I asked. “Easter egg hunt at church,” he said. The words, the glorious words he spoke. I said, “what else did you do yesterday?” He started listing more things bowling, slides, and bouncing. It was amazing to hear all the connections to what he did. It was seamless and rolled right off his tongue. I asked him about the Spider-Man on his hand. There wasn’t a connection with it or he was ready to play with his tablet but I was so thrilled with everything he had said. He saw me stretching when I was fixing his waffles and he came to stretch with me. He doesn’t understand how he moves his arms so he moved them like he was taught for a song he sings. He couldn’t hold still to do the stretches but for him to initiate the interaction was amazing. The repeating and the screaming were over the top today. The screams travel through my veins. I try not to let them rattle me but if I let him scream they turn into meltdowns. If I keep him from having meltdowns I want to have my own. “One and done” I kept saying to him today. I was hoping that maybe he would understand that if we talk about something once then we don’t have to keep talking about it. He will stand there expecting me to repeat something over and over again with him. How do you learn to ignore words that you so desperately wanted but I also know that I have to find a way to get him to move forward and not continuously repeat the same words and questions. My instinct is to answer him because that’s what you do when someone talks to you but are my actions and reactions part of the repeating process? I overthink it all. The hardest part is finding the solution. And everybody has ideas or no ideas. We try something and I think it works and here we are years later back to having meltdowns over bananas that have been thrown away days earlier. How can you help a behavior when the meltdown occurs from an object that isn’t even part of the equation? “Blue pants we don’t talk about it,” Owen said as his hand was almost touching the legs of someone else. How do I teach him about this behavior? How do I make the world understand he can’t stop himself? How do I protect him from those that don’t understand? Love, compassion, and understanding. Hope, prayers, and blessings. Some days feel thick with emotions. That was today. Owen has grown so much and I know that every day is a stepping stone for tomorrow. Through your challenges, your victories will shine brighter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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