Opinion Monday

The exhaustion plane left for flight at four o’clock in the morning. Owen’s sensory needs were in full swing. “Need a hug,” he said to me as soon as he came around the corner. I hugged him and then I told him it was still bedtime. He said, “tablet.” I told him when the imaginary timer I was setting went off he could have his tablet. I already knew how this rodeo was going to go. He went back to bed, he came back to me, he went potty, back to bed, me, tablet, bed, me, coffee, and finally “white bed” at some point. He was beyond ready to start his day. He couldn’t wait to get to the bus. He still dragged his feet some when he was getting ready but he wanted to see if our neighbor was going to be outside and he wanted to run to the stop sign and light pole. I remind him all the time that he cannot go in the road. He listens but I’m always afraid there will be times he doesn’t. I’m constantly on high alert when we are outside. OK, so I’m constantly on high alert when we are inside as well. When we got outside he ran back and forth, occasionally trying to skip. It was amazing to watch him. I can only imagine what he sees when he runs and how he feels. His delight was evident and that makes my heart happy. He ran to stand where he could watch the bus come around the neighborhood to get to our street. When he saw the bus he gets this giddy little laugh and the smile that washes over him is my ray of sunshine even on the cloudiest of days. He was off to school and knew he was going to his vision therapy when he got home. The boy that gets on the bus is transformed into the boy that gets off the bus. His smile has changed to a content look but he’s now discussing everyone that did not wear blue pants. The non-blue pant wearers are put in a category where they are then discussed as to what they should have been wearing. I can only imagine what goes through his mind every day. And he doesn’t always make all the connections to his words, but I can see and hear the frustration when someone is not wearing blue pants. It’s hard for me to think about it anymore. This is going on for almost two years. Therapist after therapist, doctor after doctor have all been consulted on this. His teacher, his aides, his therapists, more doctors, more therapist, more friends, and more people have all weighed in on this. My heart breaks that someone wearing blue pants or someone not wearing blue pants can completely change how his day is going, and in turn how my day is going. Hours of meltdowns, screams, and tears have happened all because somebody wasn’t wearing blue pants. Some days it’s hard to make myself walk out the door because I know he’s going to tell somebody to go home or not wear what they are wearing or even scream at me later. My broken heart feels encased in blue each day. I wait for that miracle to happen. That is the day, the day that he moves forward, he’s done it before. We’ve gone through the door phase, the knocking phase, the head banging phase, the hair pulling, the biting, and the list goes on and on so I know he will get through this and we will both be stronger. The chocolate milk glass half full and never be empty phase is quickly becoming a very important conversation to him. This is because I have been trying to get him to drink more water. This is why it is hard to transition or try new things because now instead of him drinking any water he is constantly pouring it out and asking for chocolate milk before it’s even out of his glass. We will move forward on this too I know. He did great at his vision therapy. He was a little distracted at first but then he did fine after the doctor change the first exercise a little. I know it has been helping him. Before we left he asked her to go to dinner with us. We weren’t going to dinner but I thought it was nice he asked her and we agreed one day we will go. When we got home he drank lots more chocolate milk and ate most of his dinner. He ate more than I thought since he had a huge snack before we left for his therapy. He took a little more convincing to fall asleep and I always stay up late for even five minutes to hear just the hum of the refrigerator. I was in his prayers again and I’m thankful for that big smile. Dream the possible dream and make your world bright. Smiles to all and donut daze!

He saw this picture and said mommy.