The nights have been better for Owen but for me not so much. I think, I rethink, I overthink, and then I think about all the things I need to think about again. Owen needs help with everyday moments. He can pull his shirt on and his pants but generally they are backwards or even inside out. He’s doing great about his socks and shoes but this too can cause problems. If the tongue folds into his shoe or the velcro comes out of the holder it causes him to scream and get upset. Buttons, snaps, and zippers are all still in the learning phase as well. We got ready for the bus and he saw that I had a dot of water on my pants from helping him brush his teeth. We had to quickly move forward. We got outside and he kept looking at how his pants were covering his shoes. He said, “help with the pants” as he was trying to move how they fell on his shoes. He lifted his pants back up and looked under his pants like he wanted to make sure his legs hadn’t disappeared. The longer his pants are the more problems they create. People often look at Owen and don’t see autism. That is a good thing but then they also question why he uses training wheels on his bike or an armband when we go bowling. Questions are always fine but the answers are not always easy.What does autism look like? What does a disability look like? How do you explain in a quick exchange what is going on when there is no quick explanation? If you look at me and I don’t move you don’t see the fact that I have hemihypertrophy -the right side of my body is larger than my left, arthritis, scoliosis, Hashimoto's, and walk as slow as molasses with a huge limp but I keep moving forward. I’m trying to work through it all and gain strength but this momma is tired. We all got something but it’s how we embrace who we are that makes us who we are. Kindness and grace are two of the most important lessons I try to teach Owen. We live, we learn, we grow, and throw lots of love in there. Nothing defines us until we let it define us. We can overcome the obstacles that are set in front of us and believe me I have to convince myself of this every day but we can do it. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by all the sounds around me and want the world to be quiet for a moment. Not all of them bother him but I never know when the screams will erupt from the noises around me. I sit on pins and needles wondering what will happen next. When Owen came home from school he talked about all the places he wanted to go but they were all the places he wanted to go tomorrow so we shall see what happens tomorrow. He was calm most of the night. He played his harmonica and drum and then he read a book with me. In his prayer tonight he was thankful for his teacher and aides. I love how his daily prayer is building and growing like he is. A soul is broken by the memories they walked through but refreshed by the sunshine in the days ahead. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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