There was not much sleep happening last night. Owen fell asleep close to ten but woke in the middle of the night requesting to go to school and wanting to play on his tablet. It took me over an hour to convince him to go back to sleep. I had only been asleep for about an hour when he woke up. It took me a while to fall back asleep after he did. One of his apps greets him when he comes back to play again. I was fascinated by how he opened it several times to hear his name. It took years for him to say his name and even have a slight connection with it. Tears float in my eyes remembering when he first said his name. Now I can see more of an understanding when I show him baby pictures of himself that it’s him. More tears try to escape. It’s an emotional journey for me. This is my baby and every step forward takes him to the amazing progress he is at now. I was trying to get Owen to take his bath but I was dragging my feet as much as he was. I wanted to keep watching him. He was trying to move like Goofy robot from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He was so excited and so animated. He doesn’t fully grasp how his body works so he was watching the characters move and he was jumping with them. I stood behind him, moving his arms in the more mechanical way they were doing it and he got even more animated. I positioned him hoping he would feel the more rigid movements as he jumped up and down and be able to do it himself. I finally said one more time and we had to get the bath started. I got him out of the tub and dried off. I love that he knows how to hang up his towel. It feels like such a victory for those life skills he needs. Never give up. Tomorrow is a brand new day and every step you make is a step forward to victory in this thing called life. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The French train almost derailed us this evening after he had a wonderful afternoon. His words are amazing right now. Owen’s making lots of connections and I can hear him forming his own sentences. I can also see him struggling to process the words as well. And he wants me to know all the languages. I wish I did. He got off the bus and he was animated and full of expressions. He said, “down the steps” as he walked like a big boy off the steps. He stood there waving to the bus and said, “have a good day”. The joy exploded from him. I couldn’t be happier. I love it when he feels the energy and shares his excitement with the world. When we came inside he was asking for a snack, using full sentences, “I want veggie straw and milk please”. More joy, I can’t even imagine all the things he wants to say. As the night wore on my lack of being able to speak French is not impressing him. I distracted him but I can see this is going to be his quest now. Luckily, he moved on quicker tonight. “Be careful be careful Owen”, I hear my words coming out of his mouth. He was squatting on his wobbly chair that helps with his sensory needs. He at least knows the words but not sure that he gets the meaning. He will squat on top of this stool that rocks back and forth. Most of the time he doesn’t fall off but if he hits the couch he loses his balance and he falls. Hence me telling him to be careful. He will trip over something on the floor but can squat on top of the stool without falling. It is amazing to think about but also keeps me on my toes because I’m always trying to keep him safe. For dinner, I made us hot dogs. I try to make food in different ways and with different brands and cooking styles. He likes hot dogs but he doesn’t generally eat a hot dog on a bun. I put ketchup on the bun and sliced it into four sections. He ate each one of the sections and finished it all. I put a second one down for him and he devoured most of it. My boy is for sure growing and learning. Through challenges we grow, through love we learn, and together we will get through this. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

My child got stuck in a chair. I put Owen’s snack down in front of him and I walked to the bathroom. Before I got there I heard, “you ok”. This means anything but he is ok. I immediately turned back around to see him with his legs out the back of the dining room chair and his stomach resting on the seat of the chair. He couldn’t figure out how to crawl back out of it. I didn’t panic. I did cry after I got him out of the chair though. He technically wasn’t caught but he also couldn’t get himself out of it. I can’t say something like this has never happened to me but the key was trying to keep Owen calm and get him out from the chair. We did it and we moved forward. I made our dinner and sat down at the table, calling Owen to come eat. After numerous times of me calling him he finally came, took one bite of the pizza rolls I made him and he proclaimed, “you done”. The good news after that he spent several minutes talking to me explaining about “throwing it in de trash” and “time to wash de hand” but I loved his flow of conversation even though it was more about him not having to eat dinner. He wanted to go back to watching tv which was a French episode of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He got mad at me earlier because I couldn’t explain a title to him in French. I have to breathe. I can’t figure out how to explain to him why I can’t read everything in French and tell him what it means in English or even have the voice-activated option on his tablet to understand my translation. I told him he needed to learn how to read in French and he quickly answered me in French and from my limited understanding, he mentioned Mickey’s house and commercials. So clearly I need to up my game. He eventually came back to eat his dinner and stick the pizza in his toes, seems like they go hand and hand. Through tears and smiles, we grew today. Find your strength, dream big, and share your smile.

I watch Owen and I can never tell which hand is dominant. He eats food with his left hand and plays on his tablet with his right. Unless, of course, he has food in his right hand, and then he uses his left hand to do something. It’s always interesting to me how quickly he can move on apps and games but holding a fork or writing his name has taken years in the making. We work on finger movements all the time but he is just now starting to get the hang of the intricate movements of holding his fingers up to count to ten. His words are getting stronger every day. He’s starting to form his own sentences and combining words. Today he said, “I would like more veggie straw and milk please”. He usually only asks for one or the other. To hear him ask for both at the same time is amazing. I love hearing him process through it all. He was watching a Winnie the Pooh commercial in French. He was repeating what they were saying in French. I asked him what he said. He told me it in English and then went right back to repeating what they were saying in French. I’ve always said it’s all one big language to him. I can tell order and structure are becoming even more important to him. No drawers can be left open, even if I know what I’m using and going to put it right back he will come behind me and close the drawer. He wants certain items to be set exactly in the same direction every time. If I move them he has to fix them. Tonight he had a basket that he wanted in the middle of the living room floor. In general, he hardly watches where he is walking but he completely walked around the basket every time. When I picked it up he put it right back. And so it goes. The meltdowns aren’t worth me moving the basket or other items. I talk about it with him and together we are working through these moments and tomorrow more miracles will happen. Belief in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

We talk in a matter of sleeps. Owen will say, “I have to go to sleep first and then”. He wants me to tell him when he is doing something next. He started on Friday wanting to know how many sleeps until he sees his teacher again. He knows today he has one more sleep until he sees her and has pointed this out to me numerous times to me. I try to work with him on math problems and other examples of how we use numbers like with a clock or counting coins. We were eating breakfast and he randomly blurts out, “free plus sick eco nine”. We weren't working on anything math related and here he was saying this. I know he has a lot of the math equations memorized but to me that half the battle with learning. I asked Owen if he wanted to paint. He helps me paint the backgrounds of our paintings every few days but he hadn’t painted his own painting in a while. We still use a hand over hand method working on his fine motor skills but he tells me what he wants to paint or the colors he wants to use. I said, “if you were a sun what color would you paint”. He immediately answered, “yellow” to my awkwardly formed question. It makes me so happy when we have conversations where he is filling in the words without even thinking about them and then he painted a sun. He is now answering “yes” to questions that he means “yes” to. He has been answering it with “yes and no” or “no” but never only “yes” even when he meant the word “yes”. The “yes” alone is such a joyous thing, another huge connection to me. It makes me so excited for what’s to come. It’s also becoming clear that the dude wants me to relearn lots of languages and some new ones. He asked me to find numerous Disney Junior videos in French, Spanish, and English, asking specifically for each language one after the other. At one point today he clearly answered me in French without skipping a beat. Momma needs to brush up on her skills. Owen’s memory is long and holds onto words until he can explain them. He can tell me memories he had from six months ago or references something that happened years before that. It’s amazing to hear it all unfold. As my mom says, “it’s memories of a never forgetter”. I tell him every day that he can accomplish anything he wants if he sets his mind to it and to dream big. I’m thankful for my sweet baby O and all he has taught me. Never give up. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen boarded the progress train and he was chug chug chugging through this day. My boy pointed. He pointed at something and he did it over and over and over again. Tears float in my eyes again as I think about it. I like to play I spy and other games with him trying to promote interactions. This morning I was playing with him and pointing to the items I found. He pointed. First with his left hand and then his right and he kept going. He said, “I pointed at that”. This is something we have been working on for years and here he is pointing. My boy is pointing. When I ask Owen questions he generally says, “no” and if he doesn’t answer with a straight no he will say, “yes and no”. Today he simply said, “yes”. I let him try hot chocolate. I didn’t know if he would like it because of it being hotter than what he is used to. I asked him if he liked it and he said, “yes”, coming back to get two sips. I asked him if he wanted more and he yelled, “no” and started screaming. This happens a lot. He will try food and then it takes him a while to process if he likes it. I can tell if I shouldn’t even push it. He will have an immediate gag reflex and this doesn’t even have to be with the food he is trying but can be with my food as well. One step at a time I remind myself. He helped me make smoothies tonight. When I told him we were going to make them he immediately pulled up the kids’ cooking show videos he likes to watch. He told me that I needed “yogurt”. I got out the ingredients put everything in the blender and then he started screaming because he knew it was going to make noise. Some noises even though he doesn’t like them he will tolerate them or scream with it. Other noises he says he doesn’t like but he wants to actually hear the noise. The blender is one of them. I had him push the button. He kept yelling, “turn it off” but he was in control the whole time. I’m counting this is another huge victory for our day. Never ever give up. My sweet baby O is amazing and growing every day. He’s the little boy the doctors told me might not talk. Not only is he talking but he is starting to tell me his likes and dislikes and my boy is pointing. Point to the sky, dream of your success, and know that the amazing you can soar. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes it feels lonely and overwhelming and then that smile, the laughter, the interactions come tumbling out like a waterfall, and joy washes over me. Tonight Owen’s bold blue eyes had mischief and wonder dancing in them as he spilled his milk one more time. The screams came as soon as he did it. He wanted to spill his milk but he didn’t want the mess that it made. However, the mess did not keep him from doing it five times. This is one of those things if I draw attention to it then it happens more or if I ignore it the chances are about the same. He was processing through what happens when he spilled the milk and the results of doing it. All I kept thinking is we are not crying over this. He was a hyper, hyper dude tonight. Happy but hyper, running from one end of the house to the other. I tried to get him to talk to me, asking him questions, and singing songs that I know he likes but he really didn’t want to talk until we started bedtime. He laughed, he smiled, he became a TV announcer, running through all of the Disney show commercials he knows. The laughter is what made my night though. We fake snored our way to the real snores. He laughs hysterically when he hears fake snoring sounds and he thinks it’s even funnier when he does it. All I know is the pure joy I feel from his laugh is worth every moment we go through. As he fell asleep in my arms I was thankful my little slip up in the bathroom didn’t cause him to have meltdowns all night. It’s all about order and routine and I blew it. I turned the shower on before he was in the tub and I was supposed to leave the water running. This caused him to not get in the tub and screaming until I “fixth it”. I call them rookie mistakes and that could have been a big one. We got through it and I got laughter, smiles, and hugs for bedtime. Find your smile, spread joy, and don’t let today go without finding something to be thankful for. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I knew last night would be rough but I didn’t imagine how hard it would be. Owen woke around two and that was our night. I had only gone to sleep about an hour before so today has been long. To say the least, coffee has been my friend. Lots of coffee. I’ve tried to not be cranky and I knew that Owen would be extremely clingy. And he was. He sat on me, near me, or his toes touching me most of the day. He always tries to have his feet and legs interlocking into mine. At one point I put my leg under me. He had to see where it went. He didn’t like that he couldn’t see all of my leg. I could see his anxiety rising quickly. I moved my foot back to the floor and the relief washed over him. I have to be the picture-perfect mommy. We ate a lot and he drank even more. “Milk milk milk”, he yelled. I said, “what do you say”. He said, “I want milk please”. I said, “I love you buddy”. He said, “I love you mommy”. Dialogue, we are learning to have conversations and it is the most amazing feeling when he fills in his words. I don’t always get the words from him. He makes a lot of sounds instead of words but every day I feel like his vocabulary is increasing and he is using more appropriate words in our conversations. He loves watching promo commercials for the Disney channel with the actors saying who they are and what show they are on. I have been using those as an example of how he can introduce himself and having him say the words like they do. He’s growing, he’s learning, and together we are a team. His random laughter fills my heart with gladness. I wish he could tell me what he is laughing at but I love to hear him laugh and one day I believe he’ll explain it all. Today is but one day. Find your strength, push forward, and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Seriously what day is it. They are all blending together. Meltdowns are exhausting. Absolutely, completely, and totally exhausting. Not only are they exhausting for me they are exhausting for Owen. And sleep still won’t come easily in this state. He wants me to be able to translate French into English and he doesn’t understand why I can’t. He also wants me to look up every video that he is already watching with the voice-activated option in French. It’s hard enough doing this in English but all the other languages add a whole other level. He threw himself to the ground more times than I can count, screaming at me. “Toaster”, he yelled, wanting me to find it. It’s his go-to word now. All I could do was try to convince him to move on. He was on edge all night. He wanted everything in its place and would go behind me making sure I was not breaking any of his rules for routine and order. I opened a drawer. As soon as I opened it he was there to close it. He couldn’t handle it being open even for the ten seconds I needed it to be open. More meltdowns. He was watching a boy on a horse on TV and then he would find a reference to a boy on his tablet. Once he showed me the boy he would then find the horse. It is amazing how he makes these connections to the videos. He kept screaming at me throughout the night. I told him that I was going to take away his tablet if he kept doing it. He yells, “last chance I love you mommy” and hugged me. My heart aches sometimes at the emotions my sweet baby O goes through. It’s hard for him to process it all. It’s hard for me to process it all. But together we are a team. In the quiet of the night, I sit and reflect through all the steps he has made. Thankful and excited for his future through very tired eyes I rejoice in our victories. Celebrate you today. Life is hard so take time for you and know that you are amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!