Some days feel like the river of tears will never stop even if they aren’t running down my face. Owen’s actually having really good days but the days still feel very overwhelming right now and the nights come crashing down on me. I haven’t even gone to bed yet and he already woke up. I had to get back to sleep again, not in his bed, of course, but on the couch. It took over an hour and a half to get him to sleep the first time. He didn’t like that I had my eyes closed and he poked them. Then he fell asleep but woke up requesting one more kiss but he wanted to kiss my forehead like I always kiss his. When he requested the kiss I leaned over to kiss him and he screamed no. So I waited and he kissed me. And he did it two more times. Then he fell asleep again but woke within a few moments wanting “to read the book to mommy”. He takes two books to bed every night. They are books with dog stories. I had told him we were going to get a dog but he kept telling me no. He doesn’t want to talk about it but always shows me dog videos and loves all the books we have with dogs in them. He doesn’t always understand how to express his feelings so it can be difficult for him when I talk about subjects he can’t really process. He was a bit emotional tonight but he’s had a busy day. After school, he went to physical therapy. I watched him kick a soccer ball but then all he wanted to do was throw it. He has low muscle tone and a disconnect with how his body works. If you ask him to raise his hand he will take one hand and push his other arm up with great deliberation. It’s a process for him to even walk on steps. He can do it but he doesn’t have the body awareness to understand what being careful is instead of walking without care. But he will get there. He’s back asleep again and hopefully for the night even though I know he’ll be up again. Success comes from the heart and my sweet baby O has the biggest heart for this momma. Find what makes you happy, go after your dreams, and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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