I want to hang the gone fishing sign out and not even think about what tomorrow is. It’s emotional, it’s flat out emotional. People ask me all the time what Owen wants for Christmas. I don’t mind the questions, never mind the questions at all, because it gives me the opportunity to share our journey but I don’t always know how to answer the questions. This is the first year I’ve felt like he has had a remote connection to Christmas. I don’t have one decoration up in my house, not a tree, not a bright twinkling lightbulb, not one thing. I showed him the decorations and he hides or screams. He has a hard time when the kitchen drawer is open for me to get anything out of it. He will run from another room to make sure I close it properly and then stands there inspecting it. I will tell you I have stuff out of place and everywhere so it’s not that something necessarily has to be in order but it can’t be out of his order or realm. He sees decorations in other places and he is fine with them but it’s not directly in his home. However, he gets upset quickly if it is not what he wants and where it should be. The rules are the rules until they aren’t the rules anymore. When he was younger I would try giving him wrapped presents. They would sit here for days wrapped under the tree and then I had him help me unwrap them. The emotions swell inside me again. I sat with my baby on the floor, cradling him for hours because I had taken the wrapping paper off the packages. He tried to put it back on. He couldn’t handle the difference of seeing the boxes without paper. My heart still cries out in pain seeing how hard that was on him. As the years moved forward we’ve worked on it. He can handle gift bags and now he can handle brown wrapping paper. So I breathe. Tomorrow we celebrate in our way and in our time. And I pray a lot, celebrating what Christmas really means to us. Today we sang, we laughed, we loved, and we learned and tomorrow I will be thankful for my blessings. Here’s to the joy of what tomorrow will bring. Make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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