This past week has probably been one of the hardest weeks for me since my brother has been gone. Everything reminded me of him, everything made me see him in something that was happening around me, and everything made me miss him more. Grief has no lines it can’t blur or cross. I tried to stay ahead of the emotions but it was also a hard week for Owen. It was a great week for him too, though. He accomplished so much but everything was one step from being difficult for him. I was thankful this morning when somewhere between four and five he walked up to me and said, “blue bed”. I was thankful because it was closer to a full night’s sleep. I said, “good morning Owen how about you say good morning to me”. He said, “no” and walked off. I thought about which one of us woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I got up and he immediately changed his story. He wanted me back in the “white bed”. I can’t get him to understand he helps trigger the bladder response when he wakes me up. I told him that I had to go to the bathroom and then he had to go. From there it would be coffee time and I would get his breakfast if he wanted. The morning went quick. He was happy but he was ready to go see grandma. And I needed to wear my pink shoes. I’m not sure how this has become a new obsession but it’s the new obsession. I’m still waiting on the call back from the new sleep and behavioral specialists. They said it would be at least six weeks before they even called back to make the appointment and then it could be six months or more to actually go for our appointment to see each specialist. After he ate first and second breakfast it was time to go to see grandma. Once the pink shoe and blue pants situation was handled it was smooth sailing to grandma’s house. He stayed there for many hours and then I went to pick him up. I stayed and talked with my mom for hours and he handled it all well. When we got home we ate dinner. He was very reserved and calm. He played some with his toys today but not as much as yesterday. He sang with me and he doesn’t always want time to sing. He played on his tablet and I love hearing how strong his voice is now when he uses the voice-activated option. I’m thankful for his words. I waited a long time to have conversations and interactions with him and now he is making choices on his own and starting the conversation with me, telling me what he wants, and needs, and when he doesn’t want something too. And sometimes even in another language. I remind myself tomorrow is a brand new day. He is my miracle and through it all, he continues to make huge strides every single day. I’m thankful and I know that tomorrow's new adventures will be there for us. He fell asleep quickly and I did too. I laid there in his bed for quite some time before I woke to come to the “white bed”. Find your joy, know that you matter, and tomorrow the journey continues in a new dawn. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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