Can’t Always Monday
It seemed like it was only thirty-six bathroom trips before Owen fell asleep, but really it was four. Last night he woke me up to go potty, and that he did. It’s the first time he had done that and I was startled that he was screaming about it, but thankful he told me. Tonight, trip after trip of the uneventful nature, but what am I supposed to do. The only thing is I’ve got myself a sensory baby that loves water and much faster than me. Okay, so that took a big sip of coffee to think about, maybe two. Owen has no fear of the toilet and I can’t stand them. I never imagined in a million years that toilet talk would be the conversation I have with Owen throughout our day. He likes to play in it, the water is so tempting. And he saw the fear in my eyes when he did it and now game on. I try not to think about it. Sometimes there’s a sadness you have to push past. There’s no greater love than I have for my child, but when I say his name ten times and he can’t process that I need him to respond it’s emotional. There’s a loneliness that washes over you and you have to push through it. Some days it’s more he is ignoring me because he doesn’t want to do something or he knows he is doing something he shouldn’t, like screaming as he turns the tv volume up as loud as it will go. But there are still moments where I’m asking him a question and he retreats. It’s too much for him to comprehend at that moment so he shuts down. I can see the difference. I can hear it with the sounds he makes and then the actions he does. I looked down on the floor and I see some “swrimp” I missed when I was sweeping up from dinner, more coffee needed. When he finally let himself rest tonight, he laid in my arms, and said, “night night baby I wuv ewe” in my accent as he drifted off to sleep. His words flowed more today, connecting with what he was trying to say. I’m thankful for his words, thankful for his smile, and thankful that he knows I love him. I’m learning and growing just like my sweet baby O. I tell him all the time we are a team and together we will figure this out. Never give up and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.