Some days my emotions win. I keep telling myself today is not going to be one of those days, trying to hold on desperately to the tears that want to fall. Owen’s actually having a very calm day after a relatively rocky bedtime, but an incredible night of I’m calling it “a full night of sleep” sleep. He didn’t fall asleep until almost eleven and didn’t wake up until almost five, in his bed. He then got into bed with me and slept for almost two more hours. Funny how that feels like such a huge victory to me. A moment of panic happened when I woke at four and he wasn’t in bed with me. I wanted to check on him, but I knew this would wake him. I wanted to go to the bathroom, but I also knew this would wake him. I waited, I listened, and I was about to get up when here he came running to my room. He woke ready to go to church, but already looking forward to his week ahead. He’s mentioned gymnastics multiple times since his lesson. And today he keeps talking about when he will get to go again. I’m so glad that he liked it. I wanted to take him years ago, but I didn’t feel like his maturity and comprehension levels were ready to handle the instructions and ability to do the workout. I hope that it helps him to better understand his body and his surroundings. He walks without watching where he is going or what’s around him. And this seems like it is getting worse not better to me. I’ve always been very concerned about him on stairs. Technically he can walk on stairs easily, but he will spin around if he hears a noise or if something catches his eye. Owen keeps looking out the window. Our neighbors were outside. He keeps yelling, “telling them bye bye”. The rules and routine of our day mean this should not be happening. He’s trying to find order in the chaos. He keeps walking from the window to the coat closet, pushing next to the door with the finger shadow dance he now performs multiple times daily. Me, I’m breathing. I want to find calm for both of us. The calmer I am the calmer he is and the more we can do, even though I still want to hide under a rock sometimes. I’m thankful for Owen’s big smile that is creating a sense of peace for me in my own emotions. Find your calm, know that you are important, and that today is one moment in time. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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