This morning I pulled up a video on my phone and when it played Owen said, “that’s a violin.” It was a classical piece. I love that he can identify instruments. He slept all night once again. I could get used to this. Now if only I could sleep through the night so I could get used to it. I am loving our mornings of laughter and the race back to my bed. It’s in the dark, but at least he is leaving the lights on until after I make my coffee without the screaming. The screaming seems less this week. We’ve had our moments but it feels like he is centering himself quicker now. We stood waiting for the bus. He greeted the neighbor with a louder hello, a louder how are you, and a louder have a good day. It was louder and it was prouder. I love when he finds his voice at the right time for those conversations. I stood in the shower and the water was not cold enough, the water was not hot enough. The cries came louder and louder from my soul. The bark of a seal somehow stole my voice as the tears fell from my eyes mixing with the spray of water slapping me as I stood there with this noise coming from me that I didn’t even recognize. My brother would say put one foot in front of the other. Some days I feel like I’m wearing the heaviest shoes ever made and my feet won’t move. All I can do is pray. Now it’s the rain that is crying for me. Owen has been doing amazingly well over the last week but life is still happening around us. Concentrating feels like it’s an impossible task that there is never time for. Owen’s words sit on top of mine as he repeats the same words over and over to me. I’m thankful when the conversations flow from him. Both of his speech therapists see a huge improvement in his vocabulary and how he uses his words now. I’m so impressed with his reading and comprehension skills. He is sounding his letters out as well. Now if we can find ways to make more connections for him with math. There is a vast improvement for him with this as well but he still has a hard time concentrating on the different elements. I know it will come. When he got home I asked him if he wanted to go anywhere. The usual “tractors” and “park” with his friends were first mentioned and then quickly change to stay home. I forgot tonight they were having a movie night with pizza and snacks at our church for the kids. I wish I had remembered last night or this morning to tell him because I think it would have given him more time to process it. He immediately started talking about everything that would be happening in the next few days and what each day meant. I thought if I asked again maybe he will feel better about it. “Do you want to go to the tractors” and he was on board until I then said we could go to church after that. He went through the whole weekend again, “tomorrow grandma and mommy go bye bye Sunday church and mommy go bye bye.” He moved on to seeing his teacher on Monday. He went on, “take your shoes off dress chips please” so we stayed home. I think it was hard for him to process and he didn’t want the rest of his days messed up. He had an incredible week so I didn’t want to push it. He was calm all night long. He told me he wanted waffles for dinner. I said absolutely. Sleep didn’t come fast tonight but he was telling himself a story. “My name is octopus what is your name my name is pig,” and on and on he went. I love that he is developing a vivid imagination. The closer it gets to Christmas I think about the little boy that would scream when I even talked about presents. Now he talks about giving presents. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Each step forward is a step. The challenge of life is life but let the rain cleanse your soul, the rainbows give you hope, and the sun give you the joy you are seeking. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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