To say today was full is probably an understatement. I keep repeating focus on the good stuff, focus on the good stuff. And today I want to cry. It’s been hard, it’s been emotional, but it’s been amazing too. I never imagined how one step forward could take so many steps sideways to even get forward and that’s not including the steps backward. I’m thankful we are at least sleeping more through the night. This morning Owen woke closer to six. I didn’t rush him since I knew we were going to his appointment. He handled it well. It is hard when he doesn’t get to keep his routine. He wanted to go on the bus even though he knew he wasn’t going to he still wanted to know he wasn’t going on it so he continued to ask. He then moved on to talking about seeing his teacher after the appointment. He needs that confirmation of what’s happening. I made sure he understood he would be going. We got to his appointment and there was more good than hard but it was still emotional. It is hard for Owen to explain his emotions and what he is thinking. I am seeking out help to get him through his need for everyone to wear blue pants. We got to his appointment a little after eight and we spent several hours talking to the doctors. We are working on several things and will go back in a month for more evaluations. As hard as it was Owen sat through the whole process and was relatively calm the entire time. Thankfully the one doctor wore blue pants and he tolerated the other doctor not being in blue pants when she came in. This was not a quick appointment so I was proud of him. It takes a lot out of me to go through the questions that I don’t necessarily know how to answer or want to answer. It’s hard to answer questions about milestones when they are all delayed but yet I’m focusing on the good stuff I remind myself of. When we left there I took him to school. He was so very happy. He came home from school and had his snack. We were then off to his eye therapy appointment. He had the biggest meltdown because his doctor wore black pants. I think it was partly because she had been wearing blue to most of his other appointments and he was on overload from being out of routine from earlier. It was probably one of the biggest meltdowns he has had in a while over it and I tried every way I could to help calm him and so did the doctor. I want to take his hurt away and I would give anything if I could find him some comfort during all this. On the drive home, he was still hysterical and crying from the meltdown. Thankfully by the time, we walked in our door he was mostly calm. He was eating his dinner and I went to get him more milk. He started talking about playing the horn on his bike that he is getting. He had told the doctor that he was getting one in between the screams. He then said her name. He told me he saw his doctor. I said yes but you were really upset with her. He said, “clothes.” I told him we can’t be upset over people’s clothes we have to work through it. He said, “I’m sorry delisha I’m sorry bout clothes need a hug.” And then I tried not to cry. He calls her by this because he can’t say her name. He understands so much but yet it’s still incredibly hard for him to see people in clothes that he can’t process. I’m thankful for his words and maybe this will help him move forward. I pray and pray and pray for guidance and strength. It’s hard watching your baby throw himself to the ground being so upset about a situation that you can’t even begin to control or change. This isn’t something we can avoid or ignore. The entire world can’t or won’t all be in blue pants so I have to find a way to help him move forward. I can only imagine what he feels or sees in these situations. There is a solution and we will find it. It gave me incredible hope when he stood there and told me as much as he could about his emotions. That is the rock I will stand on tomorrow for strength. He will be back in routine tomorrow so I pray it helps. The victory comes from the effort of learning to succeed and move forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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