I heard the clock strike a million times last night it seemed. I was thankful Owen slept through all the noise. There was noise outside and inside, and I heard it all. I forgot with new toys batteries only last so long and then they let you know really loudly that they need to be charged but half asleep is half asleep and that means it takes longer to realize it’s a toy. I must remember to check that they are off. Owen slept until well after five. He was in a good mood and I asked him what he wanted to do today. See the animals, eat French toast, get a pizza, pancakes and chicken, hotdogs, and mud were on his list. I said do you want to go get some French toast and he said, “No French toast today.” And so went the other items on his list. Saturday and Wednesday are his big objectives and that pretty much stuck with him the whole day. He reminded me and asked me multiple times about going to his grandma’s house on Saturday and would be back to school on Wednesday. I was not going to push anything today. I waited to see if he wanted to go somewhere and I asked him occasionally throughout the day but he has done really well with everything in general over the break so I had no problem if he wanted to stay at home for the day. We have been going almost every day since his break started. Our power went off for a second and that was enough for him to go running through the house making sure the lights would come back on. My heart stops whenever the power goes off. Years ago it was off all day because someone hit a telephone pole near our house. This caused him great distress. For years and still to this day, he has to turn the lights on and off to make sure they are working. I could see the look in his eyes as he walked to the light switch. Even when the power hasn’t gone off he will run to the light switches and tell me the power is on. A home generator is on my list of wants so it won’t be something that causes meltdowns for him. The screams and cries from that one day alone of no power and all the times it’s happened since make my heart ache for him. He was playing with his toy microwave and he recited a whole YouTube video saying all the words of the review. He was eating his dinner and he started saying something in Italian I think and then he broke out into a song. “Ba du ba du ba dah,” he sang out. He fascinates me with all his words and language skills. He was taking his bath and I was brushing the cat. He said, “Looking good.” It makes me smile at all the connections he is making. His laugh is the best and when he asked me to dance with him in the kitchen it was pure joy. There were many cuddles and lots of laughs. That makes for a very great day. I smiled, I laughed, and I cried a lot today. Grief is a beast and it rolls into the other moments of the woulda, shoulda, couldas. I have to remember to be kind to myself. Our days are filled with extraordinary moments and each day we have to find the bright side. Life can be hard but laughter can be our greatest gift and help us along our road to victory. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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