Flat Out Monday
I sat crying at my kitchen table. The day overwhelming once again. I try not to cry in front of Owen because it’s so hard for him to process and a lot of times it makes the situation worse, but there I was crying. He’s back to trying to eat my hair again. This makes me sad and I struggle with how to get him to stop. His anxiety seems to be really high the last few days and many of his behaviors are resurfacing, like trying to eat my hair. The more I try to have him do his schoolwork the more it brings out his emotions. He cried more times than I can count for the bus. He brought it up over and over and over again. I tried to explain to him that he would ride the bus again soon, that next year he would be going back to school, but would have a new teacher and a new routine. I wish I could find the right words so he wouldn’t feel like the world abandoned him. My emotions feel heavy as well. As I sat there crying I put my hands to my face. I needed to stop crying, but I wanted calm for my baby. As I pulled my hands away from my face Owen got out of his chair and took my hands, putting them back on my face. He stood next to me for several moments and every time I would try to move my hands off my face he would put them right back up there. He said, “I wuv ewe” and I started bawling even harder. I tell him I love him all the time. I want him to know how much he is loved. I often wonder if he understands the concept of certain emotions and words, but when he tells me he loves me, especially in my emotional moments I don’t have to question it at all. I try to help him understand his emotions and how they work in our world. I tell him all the time we are a team and together we will get through this. He sang a lot to me today, in between his questions about the school, his teacher, and the bus. I keep hoping that if we can get back to any of his other activities that it will at least give him some hope. He’s been playing a lot of his bowling apps and I tell him we will get to go back to it soon. He then asks to put his shoes on and I have to explain to him not yet. One day at a time I remind myself. And these one days feel long and hard. I want my baby to be happy and I want to do everything I can for him. Life is not always easy to explain, but the love sure is. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.