We got home from our appointment and before I could even get out of the car I cried. I cried. And I cried some more. I cried for my son. I cried for myself. I had almost cancelled the appointment we had today when I realized it was going to rain at the same time we would be leaving for the appointment. The place we had to go to was about twenty minutes from our house. I kept telling myself today would be the day rain on the windshield would not bother him when I had to turn my wipers on. It was not. “Wipers”, he stated matter of factly. The wipers kept swishing. He stated it again, “wipers”, this time with more of a squeal in his throat. I knew it was coming, the scream was about to get wicked quickly. I wanted to scream with him. I wanted to stop, turn around, come home, crawl under the bed, and hold Owen until he was calm again. How could the wipers on my car cause my child so much anxiety. But they do. There’s no way to avoid the rain. There’s no way to not use my wipers. The magic sprays and everything else only fixes the problem for a moment. Plus, my wipers are loud and clunky. I’ve never been a huge fan of rain but now the rain is even more daunting for me. There were so many great moments to our day and he was excited to go to our appointment but it’s that middle-of-the-road moment that get us every time. How do I find a calm in the storm for Owen. How do I find it for me. You would think by now I would be used to it but you could also say you would think by now he would be used to it. But that not how all this works. One day at a time. I always say autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. I find my calm in the storm when I think back to this morning when he practically ran up the steps to get on the bus and his laughter echoes through my mind as he was watching a video in Spanish and laughing at the same places he laughed at it in German. Soon Owen and I will have a behavioral specialist assisting us to work through some of these moments. I pray it makes it easier for him to transition through these times. There is hope in tomorrow and there’s more cake to eat today. Never give up on the happiness yet to come. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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