Owen slept right on target for how we sleep. He woke in a good mood, but didn’t want to go to the bathroom. That seems to be one of those things we go round and round with. He tells me he never has to go, but clearly, we all know the dance that means that boy gotta go. Once we crossed that bridge he was full of enthusiasm for everything around him. However, he wanted me to sit down and I had several things I had to do to get us out the door for the bus. Owen is nonstop noise. Some is an attention-getter and other times it is how he processes the moment, needing the input from his own noise. He knows how to push my buttons by saying certain words and pulling my hair. I have to be emotionless, not responding to every single thing he says or does, and I can’t let him know how much something bothers me. That is easier said than done. He knows me like a book and can read me before I have time to even process what is happening myself. There are other times he can’t help but repeat the words at hand. The moon and the sun are something Owen loves to look for. The past few weeks the skies have hidden what he seeks. Between the cloud cover and rains many days we haven’t seen either. On our walk to the bus, he repeated about looking for the moon constantly. I try to explain that we won’t necessarily see it and he states, “there’s no” wanting me to finish with the words, “moon today”. If I don’t say the words he gets upset. I breathe. If I answer am I fueling his need to repeat, if I don’t answer will he keep repeating it, and how does all of this affect him. And how does it affect me. The guessing and second-guessing is hard. As we were getting ready to leave for the bus I asked him to put his coat on. This process has completely evolved and I feel like we are backtracking. He doesn’t want to stick his hands through the arms and if he does he only wants his jacket on backwards. More breathing for me. How do I help him through this. What is causing him distress over the sleeves. Is this something he is going through because of age, Owen, or autism. Thousands of questions dance through my head wanting to help my baby. His words “I wuv ewe” echo through my soul. That’s what gets me through my day. Find your strength, know that you are amazing, and today is one moment in time. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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