I forgot one rule yesterday, don’t tell Owen we are doing something until we are actually doing something. Today was his follow-up appointment for his ear infections. He loves going to see his doctor. He loves everything about going. I always tried to make it important to him so he would not be afraid of going. And it helps he gets to ride in an elevator. So party time today was two in the morning and that was that. Didn’t matter what bed or what I said there was no more sleeping for us. Every few minutes he asked me when we were going to see his doctor and every few minutes felt like I was literally going to crawl to the next room. I’m glad I went to bed a little earlier last night than I normally do. They say when a child is learning a new skill it may seem like they are backtracking on something else. Oh, how this feels and seems like the case times one hundred right now. Every behavior that was gone is now resurfacing. And it breaks my heart. Absolutely breaks my heart. I can only imagine what Owen is going through with these behaviors that have completely changed. My heart aches some more. I wonder if it is a sensory thing or hormonal. The day was hard, the night was harder. Many moments were amazing but sadness still rips at my heart for how many emotions my son struggles with. He’s a sensory kiddo through and through. Every mess that could have been made was made today and he delights in doing them and seeing my emotions. At ten years old I never imagined we’d go back to some of these behaviors. When we got to the doctor’s office we had to wait. Waiting is not one of our strong suits. He started getting very agitated but I was able to calm him down. Thankfully when his doctor came in he was excited to see her. She checked his ears and she said they both looked great and this was music to my ears. We talked about his new old behaviors and then we got ready to leave. Owen told her “thank you have a great day” and she was very impressed. He’s grown so much. It’s hard for me to think about all the backtracking he has done. But there is also forward progress. He read the new book I got him and he did amazing with it. The words that he didn’t know yesterday seemed to flow better today. He ate all day it seems. His behaviors always make me seek out new ideas for growth for both of us. Today was hard, today was extremely hard. I am trying to put the bathroom out of my mind. Focus on the good stuff Lynn, focus on the good stuff. We worked on writing again and he was able to use the stencils a little more on his own. I get upset with myself because I didn’t have him write every day and work on those skills. But I have to remember to be kind to my soul and there are only so many hours in the day. I am thankful he goes back to school tomorrow for routine to return. Any and every break of routine is hard on him. Tomorrow is a brand new day. I pray for sleep, strength, and guidance to get my sweet baby o moving forward. Find your strength, not that you are not alone, and remember the littlest things can be the hugest of steps. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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