Owen didn’t want to wake up this morning. I was with him on that. He had gotten into bed with me around four, but luckily he fell quickly back to sleep; I didn’t. When we did get out of bed he immediately started screaming “no”. The screams continued. I told him it was a school day, and that he would be riding the bus soon. He seemed a little disoriented. The more I talked to him, the more it seemed he could focus on the day ahead. I’m always trying to stay one step ahead of his emotions, and mine. I wish he could tell me how his day was at school; I ask anyways. He is stuck on a loop he can’t get out of. We’ve been home for over an hour, and for most of that hour he has asked to see the fish, and go to the post office. He now cries over both of them, and that is what he keeps asking for. He was in the post office for all of five minutes, about a month ago, and it occupies so much of his thoughts. I get weepy thinking about all of this. He loved the fish too, until he didn’t, but here we are discussing the fish every day. I’m going to take him to see different fish, maybe that will help. He’s bowling on one of his apps. I hope that he continues to love bowling. It’s always a concern that something he loves will trigger emotions for him. One day at a time, rinse, repeat. I try not to worry. But I worry a lot. Some days I have to remind myself to stay calm. Some days that is easier than others. I have been distracting him by having him play his guitar. It seems to be working. The calmer I can keep him, the calmer I am. And the opposite is true too. I know that with his limited vocabulary he is also trying find ways to communicate with me, even if I can’t always understand what he is trying to express. We are both learning and growing. Today I’m thankful for Owen’s smile. It gets me through those moments when everything seems to be a big question, or I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything. Autism is as much about how I handle it, as it is about Owen having it. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. What are you waiting for. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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