My exhaustion is exhausted. The storms woke me up first somewhere around three. I was surprised Owen wasn’t already with me. He came to me about an hour later but sleep was not on his mind. By this time the birds were singing their songs loud and in charge. He yelled for them to be quiet. I agreed with him they were loud but really what do I do. “Birds make noise it’s an alligator turn it off”, he said. He went on naming animals that were making noises with the birds but the theme was to make the birds quiet and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. How do I even explain that I can’t simply flip a switch and all the birds are quiet. Then he was like ok birds I’m getting my tablet and drowning all y’all out. So that train left the station, tablet it was. Today was therapy day. His therapist told me he had a great day, a couple of little things but truly had a great day. And then we had to go home. Here’s where I would like us to get off the train. My heart aches for my baby. There was an accident so the road to get “coffee” was backed up for miles. “We had to wait our turn” and we aren’t exactly good at that. I just wanted to get out of there. When I was able to turn I went a different way and asked him if he wanted chicken nuggets, trying desperately to distract him. Why does everything have to be so difficult. I told him to breathe and count to ten. His reply, “no breathe today”. When he realized I was going to still get him chicken nuggets but from a different place, he was calmer. All that changed once again when we got closer to home. He yells he wants to go in one direction and then quickly yells another way. He was screaming, kicking the seat, and trying to pull his seatbelt off once again. Oh, how I wish I had the magic words to help him. No matter what I did at this point he was in the meltdown. We got home and I tried to talk to him. All I kept thinking is please let him understand we have to work through his emotions. When I started to get him out of the car he pulled my hair and tried to bite me. I breathed for us both. I got him inside after several moments and I talked to him about emotions and working through this together. I really want to crawl under a rock but we have to figure this out, his emotions have to get in check. He was much calmer the rest of the night, of course until bedtime when it took several hours for him to fall asleep. I keep thinking tomorrow’s a brand new day and we will figure it out, we will have better days, we have to. I remind myself of the victories, the smiles, the joys. Never give up on the hope of tomorrow. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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