I survived today. I can not by any means say I thrived. My heart is beyond breaking and aching for my sweet baby O. There were tears shed by both of us. Owen is learning to process his emotions and share them. And I’m emotional about his emotions. What can I say to him to make him understand this is what we have to do for now to be safe. I tried to make his day a little easier, more routined, but still, what do I say to explain any of it. I was going to take him on a walk at lunchtime, but I didn’t pay attention to the weather. It started raining right as we were going for our walk. I had just said the words “let’s go for our walk” when the skies opened up and the rain poured. Then the screams came because we didn’t go for our walk. That made it even harder on him. Owen doesn’t ever cry big crocodile tears and here they were falling down his face off and on all day. All I could do was hold him when he would let me, try to make him laugh when he wouldn’t, and let him have his emotions when he needed to. As much as I’m still learning to deal with his emotions and help him through them, he is learning to deal with mine. I started crying while he was crying. It made him laugh. And the more I cried the more he laughed. I thought at least he’s laughing now. He always has a hard time when I wear my emotions on my sleeve. He wants me to hide them from him and he seeks comfort from me immediately when he can sense anything different about me. He starts repeating the exact words I will say to him when I want him to be calm. “Hi buddy it’s ok buddy I love you baby you’re fine count to ten”, he says. I pray for peace for him tomorrow and comfort in this ever-changing world that now is closing in on us. He asked for everyone and every place he could think of, but still didn’t want to talk to or see pictures of anyone. He was closer tonight though. He asked to “call grandma”, but when I started to call he screamed. I pray for a better day for everyone tomorrow. You are not alone in this journey. Remember to keep pushing forward and be inspired to make a difference in the world around you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.