I went to the bathroom. I had told Owen I was going. I wanted to take a toy back to his room first. He can hear the vibrations in the floor as I walk. He came running to the hall. His toes started pounding the ground and then the screaming began. And so the bathroom rules start again. I told him I put the toy up and was now going to the bathroom. He closed the bathroom door when I went in and immediately started banging on it. He then opened the door and asked if I was ok. I wanted to cry. The screams from the day echo in my soul. This is all been so incredibly hard on him. He doesn’t understand any of it. One day he gets to do all the activities he loves and the next day walking out our door brought all the unknowns slapping us in the face, keeping us inside. How could he possibly understand, I still don’t understand it all. Finally, he was able to go to school, and then that was gone in a heartbeat. He got exposed to the virus, he was quarantined. It will be over a month before he goes back to school with the holiday break. Our world has changed but I can’t explain it to him. I told him he would see his teacher soon. He screamed. He can’t comprehend what that means. My heart aches. I asked Owen what he wanted for dinner and he said, “want to paint baby red bird”. We had roast beef and macaroni and cheese. I walked to get more milk and I turned around to see him sitting on the table. The same table that three screws have fallen out of from his sitting on it that I’ve had to replace. The one calming supplement that has worked for years finally met its match tonight. Almost four hours later Owen was asleep. He screamed for all the things I couldn’t give him, cried while asking for the things I could, and finally fell asleep in my arms after asking for a big hug one more time. My prayer for tomorrow is to have calm for my baby. I hold onto his singing in French most of the day and laughing about the snow. It puts the smile on my face and the song in my heart. Dream big, follow your heart, and know that you are important. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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