The overwhelming sensation of being overwhelmed is overwhelming. I cried as Owen sat at the dinner table. I use the term “sat” loosely. It was more like perching in the chair, maybe hovering describes it better. He wants to put his feet on the seat and sit there in a scrunched position, his bottom not on the seat itself while he eats. I don’t know how he can do it for as long as he does. He sits like this everywhere. He ate a lot for dinner. He started off with popcorn chicken, some veggies he didn’t really touch, and a couple of bites of my dinner that he didn’t like. He ate all of his popcorn chicken and asked, “French toast pwease”. Well absolutely. I fixed him a couple of sticks, thinking he couldn’t possibly eat more, and he ate them quickly too. He kept picking at his plate so I asked him if he wanted something else. He said, “more chicken pwease”. Okay, so how many more can he possibly eat. I put ten more in thinking he’ll be gone before they are done and won’t want them. But instead, they were gone in nothing flat. I was amazed by how much he ate all day. He is definitely having a growth spurt. I’m sitting, reflecting on the day, once again drinking coffee at ten o’clock at night. It seems like we went through all the holidays today. He sang a Hanukkah song first thing this morning, he moved on to Christmas, I sang “dear friends” countless times to Happy Birthday because that’s the only part he wants me to sing and he scowls at me if I sing a different name, and then today is actually Mother’s Day. He doesn’t understand what a holiday means and he certainly doesn’t understand what a break from school means. We went to see my mom. The whole way there he said, “turn right” and the fifteen minute ride home he said, “school’s over”. Technically it’s all left turns to my mom’s house and when I suggested we talk about music or anything else, he said, “we’re not going to music today”. At least he doesn’t have as many meltdowns at red lights anymore. I remember the day I became a mommy. It was the day I waited for all my life. The day I got to walk in the footsteps of my own momma and pray I was as good as she is at it. Owen’s my complete and total world. I pray every day for guidance, patience, and understanding. I never imagined the journey would be like this and our days are never easy to explain, but the love sure is. He was trying to tell me something tonight, thinking he was actually saying what he meant, but I didn’t really understand. He said, “I momma I you the baby”. And he smiled. My heart knows it was love and I smiled too. I pushed a lot of sadness away because his smile is his love. Push through the sadness, reflect on your gladness, and know that tomorrow will be a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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